How do I handle this situation with DD and her friend?

[GiserableMitt]

DD (13) has had a very on-off relationship with a friend at school. A while ago it was very much OFF with the friend complaining to the school about DD. He said, she said - whatever.

A week ago they made up and seemed to be good friends again which delighted both myself and the other girl's mother.

The mother told me a couple of weeks ago that she had been laid off and was looking for something else but wasn't going to tell her DD until she had something sorted (we are all expats). She told me in the week she had another job and told her DD on Weds. Our kids finish school this Weds so the mother organised a farewell party for her DD last night which I heard about from other people.
The mother sent me a message this morning apologising for my DD not being invited. She said she's not aware that anything has happened in the past week but that her DD seems to bear grudges and she's sorry for any upset it will cause my DD if/when she finds out she was excluded. Of course DD WILL find out so I think I would like it to come from me. I want to be able to get DD to not react badly (and I can't blame her for being upset) because she probably won't ever see this friend again and I don't want them parting on bad terms (if they never contact each other again, well that's fine).

How do I broach this please?

[schoolchauffeur]

Well it depends what you are trying to achieve. It sounds as if, with the friend moving away there will be no ongoing issues beyond Wednesday, so you don't need much of a strategy for the future. I am surprised they managed to organise the party without your DD finding out anyway- surely it would have been all the chat at school yesterday?

I would be very honest, explain that the girl had a farewell party and that the mum was really sorry that your DD wasn't invited, but that clearly the recent "patch up" was just that and didn't mean that they were best buddies. I would focus on the fact that this girl is leaving anyway and sometimes these things happen. Unless you know otherwise, reinforce the fact your DD hasn't done anything wrong- just teenage girls can sometimes be unpredictable.

You can't control how she will react- she may well be very upset, but the sooner in the weekend you do it, the easier it will be for her on Monday.

If your DD didn't know about the party, I assume that some of her schoolfriends would have concealed it from her as well- she might find this more upsetting and I would be advising her that it is not worth falling out with them over this- they probably felt bad about the fact she wasn't invited, but it was out of their control really.

My main aim would be to play it down as "one of those things" and with the holidays looming it will soon be forgotten.

[AdventuresWithVoles]

You can't do much, just sympathise like you would if your DD was an adult friend. It is her friendship to handle as she prefers. If you think she'll be receptive, You might try to offer some nuggets of wisdom, like the fact that friendships ebb & flow, so this doesn't have to mean that they won't be close friends again.