first teenage "relationships"

[lifesamystery]

What normally happens to these first relationships? I don't mean the type when they say they are going out but actually never even talk to each other, I mean the sort when they actually do see each other in school a lot and maybe a bit after school but in groups, not alone.

Do they normally just drift apart naturally or does it always end in tears and awkwardness at the school gate? I really can't remember as i hardly even spoke to a boy until I was 16 and I'm trying to manage expectations!!

[Tabliope]

Marking my spot with interest as I'd like to know too as DS in a relationship that seems to be like this. They see each other after school and maybe once a month at the weekend but always in a group.

[notatigermother]

My younger ds has recently been in a relationship just like this. In fact I'm not sure you can really call it a relationship. It involved plenty of texting but no physical meet ups outside of school. They drifted apart and he told me that they're "not really going out anymore" but nothing particular had happened to break it up.

From the girls pov I think it can be different. He had a previous "girlfriend" who was quite hard going and often complaining on texts that he didn't pay her enough attention - but at the same time she didnt want to meet up after school either . That one ended in tears for her as he couldnt spend all waking moments responding to her texts.

I think its a year 6 to year 8 thing and then the sorts of relationships in Y9 onwards get a bit more traditional...and potentially worrying!

[flow4]

I don't think you can 'manage expectations', I'm afraid... I think this is about the point you have to come to terms with the fact that you can't protect them from getting hurt any more, you can only support them if they do :)

[bigTillyMint]

DD(12, Y8) has already been "going out" with a few boys. As far as I can tell, it just seems that they are friends - chat/mess about at school - before/after/at breaks and text/phone each other. Occasionally they meet in the park or whatever as part of a bigger group.

Oh and posting that they are "in a relationship" on FB

It so far doesn't seem to have caused too much hysteria when they are dumped/dump.

I am not looking forward to her moving on to more traditional...and potentially worrying relationships in Y9

[LaurieFairyCake]

Dd is in year 9 and it's just the same as posted so far. She's only allowed to see him in groups of mates but we're about to move up to going on a 'date' to the cinema.

She has kissed him and held hands but that's it - and the kissing was 'weird' because of braces. All her friends are still the same - no proper dates, sex, blow jobs yet - still all innocent.

Bit different than when I was 14 when it was all about 'getting fingered' - . What WAS the obsession with that?!?

[bigTillyMint]

LFC (great acronym, BTW!), do they start on BJ's in Y9????

[LaurieFairyCake]

Not in my experience, but people do worry about teenagers having early sex - much less common than the meeja go on about.

[lifesamystery]

Well, I must admit that I am surprised by some of these answers as I was absolutely not expecting replies about sex. I know that we are talking innocent relationships in my dd case (and she is in yr 9). I was more interested in the emotional side of thinking that you have a "boyfriend" but really it is just a friend who is a boy and then being upset when they drift apart!

[bigTillyMint]

Life, that is exactly what I think/hope DD's "relationship" is - I can't imagine her (or him!) being anywhere near ready for more. But it all seems to be happening younger than back in the day when I was young.

[Sabriel]

I had my first boyfriend at 12 and the first real serious one in what would be Y9 now (several casual ones in between). Ours had one of those nasty stop start endings that dragged on for about a month. It was not pretty :(

[GraduallyGoingInsane]

DD1 is Year 11 and has had a couple of 'boyfriends'. The first real one began between Year 9 and 10 in the summer holidays.

AFAIK, it involved hanging out with other couples (her friends and his friends, it seemed), holding hands, cuddling, arms round each other as they walked, and kissing from time to time. The first one petered out when they were back at school in Year 10, but they're still friends now. All bar one of the other 'couples' petered out, and one is going strong to this day.

She then had another boyfriend who lasted maybe 3 months or so, at the end of Year 10 over the summer, but lasting into Year 11. AFAIK that took the same sort of format, although they did hang around just the two of them from time to time. I'm almost certain a fair amount of kissing went down (caught them kissing outside the school gates, in town, in the living room etc) but I'd be pretty sure that it went no further. They split up when he 'cheated' at a party by kissing someone else. He's the year above, so she doesn't see him any more, and I'm pretty sure he's been branded a b*dard by her friendship group, a sentiment I agree with wholeheartedly.

I suspect she has a new boy interest on the scene, as she's spent a lot of time with him, and there's a lot of fuss as to what outfit to where when he's going to be there . Again though, most of the interaction goes on in a big group.

DD2 is Year 9, but is very quiet and shy, so I suspect she might be a bit slower on the uptake. It took her a while to make a solid group of friends (mainly girls), and I think she'll enter the boy world very cautiously.

DD3 (Year 7) and DD4 (Primary school, so no worries there yet!) are much more like DD1, so will no doubt throw themselves headlong into the boyfriend scene in due course.

[jazzchickensbyroyalappointment]

DS1 (20) has been going out with his girlfriend since they were 15. They were in the same class at school and started going out - first in a group of friends, then more seriously.

They have always had a very sensible relationship though where they spend some time together but also lots of time doing separate things - which is why I think it has lasted.

They are now at University together but went a year apart so have their own set of friends.

[lifesamystery]

I guess that they are all different! My dd has just said that she and her " boyfriend" have said that if they are still going out in yr 10 then they will probably try and find some time to go out on their own!! Lovely that they re planning ahead but I don't know if it was her or him that said "if"!!!! Not a very positive start, I thought!!!!

[bigTillyMint]

Managed to find out that DD and boyfriend have not kissed (well not on lips at least) yet. Phew

[cinnamonnut]

I started going out with my boyfriend when he was 14 and I was 15 but we're still together 2 and a half years later

[lifesamystery]

Bigtillymint, it sounds as though our DDs are in the same position! We have chatted a lot during the last few days and it seems, really, that they are just best friends. I like that idea and think that it may be a shame if it develops into anything else at this stage!!