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17 yr old boy and noisy sex

(48 Posts)
jans18 Tue 29-May-12 19:46:31

My 17 yr old has discovered sex and his gf, 16, is enthusiastic and rather noisy. His room is such a mess he can't even shut the door properly and relies on the fact that you can't see the bed from the hallway. I'd like to get him to shut the door and keep the noise down so his younger brother does not have to wear headphones. Has anyone managed to have a conversation about this sort of thing? What on earth do I say? Do I tell just him, or both of them? I was thinking I'd just be straight and yell something like 'can you keep the noise down!' but I dont want to embarass them - or perhaps I should. Opinions very welcome!

SPsFanjoHarboursTRex Tue 29-May-12 19:49:20

Embarrassing them is the only way to get around. When see them bring it up

Hulababy Tue 29-May-12 19:52:07

You have to tell them, embarrassment or not.
Make sure that your ds is aware that the whole family can hear and that it is disrespectful of them both to make others uncomfortable. Either he keeps it quiet so noone can actually tell what they are doing or he doesn't have sex when anyone is at home.

Or threaten to let him know exactly how embarrassing it is - that you and dh will make sure he knows the noise level you are tallking about.

SecondhandRose Tue 29-May-12 20:04:55

Or make him move into the garage which is where our 17 yr old now lives!

jomojomum Tue 29-May-12 22:31:26

We had a very similar problem last year with our son 20 and GF 17. We allowed him to have her to stay in his room as long as her parents agreed too (she was on the pill), and the rule was they should be discrete, but the GF didn't seem to care. Our 2 daughters both heard various sex noises from GF and absoloutely hated it. We spoke with our son ( we were far too embarrassed to talk to his GF) who then spoke to her and did his best to ensure the door was shut and the noise kept down. I also suggested they play music, which they did. After a while the noise got much less. Although she never stopped leaving her underwear, tissues, used condoms etc under the bed, I began to think she almost wanted to show off her sexuality. I'm sure they'd be disgusted if they heard their parents having sex!!! Good luck

flow4 Tue 29-May-12 23:38:06

I think it's really important you don't use embarrassment as a tactic, however tempting. This is an issue of respect, and you want your son and his girlfriend to realise that you don't want to hear them, and that they need to respect your wishes. You need to show them the respect you want them to show you, and embarrassing them deliberately would (imo) be disrespectful. Tell your son straight, but politely and privately, what the problem is and what you want him/them to do. smile

LoopyLoopsCorgiPoops Tue 29-May-12 23:43:16

Ground rules. Door closed, no-one else to hear. OR not GF staying over.

Also might be worth pointing out that he's unlikely to keep her long if he doesn't tidy his room every now and then.

AnyFucker Tue 29-May-12 23:50:08

I wouldn't tolerate that in my own house

After years of me keeping the fucking noise down, I wouldn't let my own teenager take the piss like that

It's such bad manners, and disrespectful

If they want to be treated like grown ups, they should act like one

And part of being a grown up is understanding that some things are private, and not to be flaunted just because you can

They simply could not in my house. One strike and out....let them go shag behind the bike sheds like I had to at that age if they can't respect your right to not hear them at it

LynetteScavo Tue 29-May-12 23:53:56

8AnyFucker* puts it very well.

Especially the second sentence,

Maryz Wed 30-May-12 10:42:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mrsjay Wed 30-May-12 13:11:36

I have to say anyfucker put it much better than i could , tell them you dont want to hear it or let them do it in a field so they can be as noisey as they lik e

SecondhandRose Wed 30-May-12 14:48:25

I have to agree, it is your home after all. My parents wouldnt even let my boyfriend go upstairs!

funnymummy9 Wed 30-May-12 21:38:32

AnyFucker is totally correct!

Tell them to keep it down, or do the deed in a bush. Also explain that it's disrespectful of the younger child in the house.

orangeandlemons Wed 30-May-12 21:42:24

We used to bang on the wall blush That quietened the litle sods.

Nobhead Wed 30-May-12 21:55:18

Jesus Christ-I would have been utterly mortified if my boyfriends parents would have heard us knobbing when I was 16. shock
Just tell them that whilst you are not stupid enough to think that they aren't sexually active you don't appreciate having to listen to her orgasming and neither do the rest of the family- shag quietly or fuck off somewhere else and do it. I bet they don't do that at her parents house, plain disrespectful IMO.

Mrsjay Wed 30-May-12 21:58:32

OP maybe you and your husband should go at it when they are in be loud and proud watch them scuttle out grin

boredandrestless Wed 30-May-12 22:00:48


I cannot imagine what teens would be happy to shag LOUDLY with the door unclosed while mum and little bro can hear! Yuck.

Plus what anyfucker said - with bells on. Bet this behaviour wouldn't go down well at the gf's house with her family hmm.

Mrsjay Wed 30-May-12 22:02:21

My friend used to get up out of bed and go downstairs when her son had a girl home , she said she would blush at the noise , they had no shame , he doesnt live at home now

Bossybritches22 Wed 30-May-12 22:13:35

Get your DH/DP to slap his son proudly on the back, in front of the GF & say

"that's my boy, chip off the old block eh? " broad wink to the GF.

1950sHousewife Wed 30-May-12 22:15:19

Bossybritches has it!!! grin

Being congratulated would surely be more cringeworthy than anything.
Make sure your DH/DP seals the deal with a 'triumphant dad-dance'.

TwllBach Wed 30-May-12 22:19:21

I would have melted into a huge steaming mess on the floor if, at 17, or any age actually, my or my BFs parents heard me shagg

TwllBach Wed 30-May-12 22:20:40

Stupid fat fingers.

Shagging. I don't understand why neither of them are embarrassed - especially with the door being open!

FunnyLovesTheJubilee Wed 30-May-12 22:21:30

this sounds familiar to me

Maryz Wed 30-May-12 22:24:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ragwort Wed 30-May-12 22:25:21

Seriously, why do you 'allow' such behaviour in your own home - we all used to do it in the back of a car or behind the bike sheds grin - I would rather have died than have sex in my parents' home - you are far too easy going.

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