18 year old son threatened about drugs, any advice ?

[argghh]

This is worrying me stupid, and dont really have anyone to talk to so put myself at your mercy

Oldest son is 18, we live in a generally 'nice' area. He smokes dope as do most of his friends (which I dont condone). Yesterday afternoon he was down the park and had arranged to buy some weed from someone he knew slightly. DS realised the weed wasn't genuine so refused to buy it. He then bought some off another lad down there (hmmmm did I say nice area?? its full of drug deals in the park!) Anyway first lad comes back and threatens him, says he was just the middle man and he will get the dealer to come and get him. This dealer guy is known trouble maker. DS leaves park and comes home very worried.

He tells me about situation, after usual rant from me about why smoke this shit, and why deal with people like this, I realise he is very scared. This is a £20 deal!!! Peanuts. I did go back to the park with him and gave DS £20 to give to the boy just to get him off his back (probably foolishly) but he had gone. (There was a few of them thats why I went back with him)

I just dont know what, or if, I can do anything to help, DS didnt take the drugs just refused them. I have told him not to be on his own at all and he has a good group of mates, but with my mind going overtime, I am scared of him being beaten up - or worse.

He is scared of going out into the town at the moment.

Damn, parenting does not get easier as they get older.

The only positive thing is he said he wouldnt take anything ever again (not sure I believe him)

[BuckBuckMcFate]

My first thought is has he told you the full story? Are you sure he doesn't owe money? Lots of dealers do lay ons.

I would think if the situation is as your son has described then the first dealer is just pissed off at not scamming your son and issued empty threats to him. But I understand why you are worried.

[upahill]

I really think there is more to the story than you have been told.
I'm not sure what to advice and really scared that I can be in the same postion in the near future.

[flow4]

I showed your post to my son, who has in the past given me the same story :( - and like you I bailed him out (a similar small amount) because it seemed the 'least worst' option...
My son says (for what it's worth) that he doesn't believe your son, and his story "doesn't add up". He thinks it's much more likely he already owned that dealer money, and was hoping to get some extra from you to be able to pay some off and score some more.
Round here, it is common for smallish drug debts to be paid off with goods like playstation games and sportswear/designer clothes... Look out for things going missing.
I've told my son I'm never paying off a drug debt again, and he'll just have to take a kicking if he's stupid enough to get himself into that situation :(
Like your son, mine told me he'd never buy drugs again, but I'm pretty sure he has :( I hope your son has more sense.

[argghh]

Thanks for your replies.
Yes, it could be that he owed money but he did have some money at home - or he could be lying - it has been known! There is somethng in the story that doesnt ring true,

flow - yes I am sure he will buy drugs again. I know its only so called 'soft' drugs but the whole scene around it is so pathetic and potentially harmful.

He has stayed at friends for the last couple of nights (which he does most weekends) but did get in touch yesterday to say he was fine.

I think (and hope) it was just threats. What scares me these days is the knife crime.

upahill: yes, all this to look forward to :-)

[Finallygotaroundtoit]

Helicopter parenting at it's most extreme

You are actually trying to help out your son with his drug deals !!!!

[flow4]

argghh, be careful thinking it's 'just soft drugs'... The most common street drugs for your people round here are skunk and m-cat/miao-miao, neither of which are 'harmless'. Skunk is cannabis-derived, but it is not weed as we know it: is 10 times stronger than the stuff our generation smoked at that age, seems to trigger psychoses in some people (notably teenage boys with existing anger issues), and actually inhibits THC uptake (the good bit of cannabis). In my experience, my son gets furious irrational rages after he has smoked a lot of it. More info here and here.

M-cat is a chemically synthesised drug and its medium-to-long-term effects are just not known. Short term, I can tell you that users report great happiness/fantastic moods while they are using and for an hour or two afterwards, followed by a couple of days of feeling sh*t. This means that the 'sensible' ones limit their use to friday night and can still function, but the more reckless ones start missing college/school/work etc. It is a nervous system stimulant and can cause heart palpitations (I found out my son was taking it because he thought he was having a heart attack and so confessed in his fear :( ) - and it is suspected as a cause of death through sudden heart failure in a few cases. In my experience, it is a massive dis-inhibitor: my son has done his stupidest, most immoral things while on m-cat. It also makes them smell peculiar - like multi-surface cleaner (which is pretty much what it is), makes them glassy-eyed, and gives some of them a rash/red blotchiness on their face like a viral rash. It is very compulsive - most kids take it til it runs out, so their use is only limited by their access to money. And it is absolutely endemic round here. :(

You will probably have worked this out already, but if he is staying a friends most weekends, then this is very likely to be so you don't see him wrecked. :(

[flow4]

('your people' should have been 'young people')

[shesparkles]

Are you going to pass the information you have to the police?
It's unlikely they'll go and stake out the park but it will be added to other intelligence they hold which builds a picture of who's doing what and where, and will assist as part of the bigger picture in the fight against dealers

[ripsishere]

Please tell him to be careful. I wasn't an angel when I was younger but, a good friends son has been left taking anti depressants following being sectioned for paranoia induced by cannabis. He had tried to kill himself.
His whole life is a pile of shit because of a 'soft' drug.

[argghh]

flow, very interesting info about m-cat - a lot of that sounds familiar - and a drug I was not aware of.
She - no I havent the amounts are so small I didnt think it worth it, maybe I should.
ripr: That is exactly what I am scared of - i put 'soft' in quotes as I know it is though of as a soft drug but can cause a hell of a lot of problems espcially in teenage boys

Anyway hes been home all day today, unusual, think he is not as scared but would have been down the park normally. Not sure of its a good or bad thing.

[manhavingbaby]

Dont worry about your son, the human race has always took drugs. He like most other recreational drug users will properbly be okay. I was and continue to be and i am absolutely fine. The one lesson he will have to learn as a teenager is moderation. This will come in good time. After a while you just get sick of being incomprehensibly high..... This tends to come as you gain more responsibility. Did you ever drink or smoke. Also he is alot safer having a couple of smokes with friends, than going out getting blasted on alcohol every weekend. just cause its legal doesnt make it the safer.

[upahill]

It's not the drugs I would be worried about, it's the pushers!
They are a greater concern than having a few spliffs.