Unsuitable friend

[Jabbie2]

How do I discourage a friendship? My DD (13) has this friend , a best friend she says who I really see as trouble.This friend is constantly in detention, is always out after school and seems to stay out til all hours and wants her friends (mainly DD) to do the same.She never seems to revise or be particularly concerned about schoolwork/homework.She is almost always late for lessons so consequently DD is.DD has just been taken off of punctuality report.I know what you must be thinking, I think it as well and it makes me angry.DD knows better, should know better and just stand up to her, say it's not worth the hassle/grief from her teachers and me.She has her own mind, I know.
This friend is also really obsessed with boys it's all she wants to do, hang out and wait for the boys, go looking for certain boys and I don't really want my DD tagging along.I don't think she really wants to either, she finds it all a bit same old, same old.She likes boys but she likes them as friends too.This friend is also planning losing her virginity, I was like WHAT????? She intends doing it in yr 10!
I don't know how to phrase this nicely but she seems very "sexual" A boy referred to her as having "blow job lips" (I hope I can put this, I hope it doesn't offend anyone) and this girl thought that that was a good thing!
I know for a fact that she has encouraged my DD to steal from me, she thought she could either steal money from my purse or take and use my debit card and I know she lies and she has encouraged my daughter to do the same.
Anyone been in a similiar situation? Any advice?

[AmberLeaf]

I think you need to recognise your daughters actiona as her own and not because of the other girls influence!

All the things this girl 'thinks' and 'likes' your daughter is probably thinking/liking too!

How do yiou know for a fact that she encouraged your daughter to steal? is that what your daughter told you when caught?

[Jabbie2]

Hi Amberleaf, I came across their texts as DD was using my phone as she didn't have any credit and I read the whole conversation.It was definately initiated from this girl but I do take your point.I do recognise that she needs to stop making excuses and take the consequences which she does.I have had many a conversation with her about this.She does like boys I know she does, I know it's a natural thing but I also know she isn't thinking quite like this yet.we have talked about, or rather , she has told me what some of the girls in her year group are doing with boys and being expected to do and she has said that she doesn't feel ready for all of that yet and I believe her.I don't think she is telling me what she thinks I want to hear.I will admit I find sex talks difficult , I do get embarrassed but I am still open to them.I have just said all of those things are perfectly fine but not now.That is how I feel, I think she is too young to even be considering giving oral.

[AmberLeaf]

Well its a good thing that she is talking to you about thngs at least.

She is quite possibly testing for your reaction when she tells you this stuff, its possible that she does feel uncomfortable with where its all going and is hoping you will step in and put a stop to it? well to her involvement at least- nothing you can do about anyone elses.

Sometimes at that ages going along with your peers is fun, but also can be very difficult to pull away from without losing face.

If you get the impression that your daughter is at risk of doing things she is too young for and more importantly doesnt feel happy about then give her a way out.

Does she get much free time? does she go out on her own much? or at all?

[AmberLeaf]

scuse typos.

[louderthanbombs]

I agree with AmberLeaf, your dd is responsible for her own actions. If she wasn't interested in doing what her friend is doing, then its likely that she would do something else.

At their age (I have a 13 year old) there is a lot of talk about sex, but it doesn't mean that they are going to do anything.

Unfortunately, you can't choose your kids friends, if you try, they will hide it. Just stick to your rules eg with times to be in. Hopefully its just a phase.

[Brisvegasmum]

Peer pressure in that age group borders on obsession. Yes she is responsible for her own actions but if you want to be in the right gang you have gotta walk the walk and talk the talk so to speak.

I don't think it is wise to tell your daughter not to hang out with this girl or the group as that will only make her tighter with them even more. Your daughter has told you how she feels but if anything my daughter knows what to say to appease me so it depends if you can tell if it's a cover to look good in front of you.

An impressionable age sadly and I know my daughter has done 2 yrs of this hopefully I'm on the final stage of teenagerism and all will end soon.

Good luck. I think no matter how we bring our children up they are infact their own person and we can't be there 24/7 to teach the way. I'm mean without mistakes we wouldn't be who we are today really.

Hope all goes well, who said being a parent was gonna be easy eh x