angry, frustrated, bored, agressive 13 yr old son

[mulranno]

Is this just typical teenager behaviour or are we watching a child slide into depression? he HATES his family and tells us all 3 or 4 times a day - is aggressive with his 3 younger siblings -- just rants that he is bored, bored, bored , that our house is shit and everything is crap and broken - he doesnt organise himself socially - we try to get him to call a friend on a thurs to arrange something for the weekend and he never does - we then end up arranging things for him - but I think this is wrong and even then he is not happy - we can drive him an hour to a skate park wait for 2 hours then drive him back home and he will complain that he is bored - he doesnt seem to have any interests - he does play for a football team and trains on a friday night - but needs encouragement...got to go he is wrecking the house

[GypsyMoth]

Army cadets? Has helped my 2 teens loads.

If he is wrecking the house....why? .... What does he do and say afterwards?

[purplecupcake]

have you looked into the princes trust .. they do all sorts and can really help with angry frustrated teens

[mulranno]

just screaming screaming screaming that there is nothing to do - usually just goes to his room after and sobs and sometimes falls asleep - screams that he is bored and is all our fault - he has just come in from his mates where he went straight from school. tried talking to him but just got screamed at - so presuaded husband that we go out (other children away this eve) - just got back - chairs turned over. my theory is that we should treat like toddler tantrums -- dont inflame - no point discussing until they have calmed down and then manage the environment - but should I just leave this bad behaviour unchecked? should there be no consequences for this? we do need to fill his time more...

[OlympicEater]

DS gets like this if he has too much pent up energy. If he is busy and occupied and has burnt off energy then he is a different child.

At home we have a trampoline that we encourage him to bounce on for five mins when he is being very stroppy. Or he uses his punchbag in the garage.

I also second ILTs suggestion of cadets, it has been v useful as there are positive role models that he respects, giving him orders and he can't answer them back

Re whether to address, I'm not saying our approach is right, but we go with natural consequences, so he knocked something over, he picks it up, he pulled something down, he puts it back, he broke something, he repairs / replaces it. BUT this happens after the event when he is calm.

[OlympicEater]

Just a further thought. Is it possible that he is being bullied?

[OlympicEater]

Sorry I am drip replying here! Have a look at this thread

The OP has similar-ish issues with their DD and there are some recommendations for books and generously given good advice from experienced parents of teens

[mulranno]

there is a bullying situation with his "friends" who call him thick all the time...he has been bullied before - how do I help him with this? he is overly sensitive to noise - has always been very easily agiitated by our other children in the car singing etc - or when younger on the school run getting wound up by 9 year old boys talking drivel in the car - always been good at school out of the house but a bit socially awkward and introverted

[spendthrift]

When our ds is unhappy outside the house he dumps it on us basically because it is the place he feels he can. Have you thought of counselling or anger management ? Exercise is helpful because of th endorphins released but you need to choose the right one. He may not want to face his mates after school. Happy for you to pm me if you want.

[mulranno]

started army cadets this week loving it also did some one to one art with a friend of mine for a couple of hours each day during half term - and really is a much happpier child...

[Panadbois]

Result!

My DS13 is also bored, but won't make arrangements with his mates. Hates school, and wants to spend his time on the computer, but he gets bored with this too!

He enrolled in the Young Firefighters Assoc, a year and a half ago, and although he needs encouragement to get out the door on the night, he comes home buzzing!!

He's not into sports at all, but I have found out that he can start going to the local LA gym when he's 14. Keep us posted.

[igetcrazytoo]

Hi, saw your post and read with interest the bit about being sensitive to noise etc. There is a really good book called "The Highly Sensitive Child" by Elaine N Aron. She says about 20% of the population are more sensitive - and tells you how to spot them and how to help them.

If your son is like this, then being a teenager will be a very frustrating time for him. This is the time when they are programmed to go out into the big outside world, be adventurous, enjoy the hurly burly, make and mix with friends - and this will be at odds with his need to avoid being overwhelmed.

I really recommend you try and get this book. The "toddler tantrum" behaviour could be frustration.

Good luck and glad you had a good half term and he's happier.

[ragged]

Good result. :)

[Bossybritches22]

Oh so pleased for you that the Cadets has helped. He is probably just the sort of child who likes the stimulus within the safe routine environment that it gives.

Excellent!