13-18 nights at nightclubs....

[stellsie]

Hi all, my DD is 13 (14 in March), she is out with friends at the moment and has text me to ask if she can go with these 3 friends to an under 18 night, tonight, at a club about 20 minutes drive away. Never been before, never asked before! I text back saying 'no sorry you are too young'. Then I got a reply 'but X, X, and X are allowed to go and X's mum has said I can stay at X's after' - pleeeeaase'. So I sent another 'no I'm sorry, its up to them what they do but you are not allowed yet'.

I feel I have done the right thing, but I really was just after your opinions as to when you let your teens start doing stuff like this. FYI, we are (I think!) very fair with DD, she is allowed to a major town on the bus or train, has friends for sleepovers, goes to friends for sleepovers, has a boyfriend and he comes round here usually once a week and she sees him at weekends. (it has been almost 2 months so quite serious!! - lol).

Thanks, look forward to hearing your opinions - and also what goes on at these nightclubs for under 18s? - I just think that being at the very youngest end of the scale, it's worrying to think they all look older than what they actually are, and a 16 year old might get the wrong idea?!

X

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

It's a while since my dc went, but when they did the events were pretty well policed by the staff. No booze, just loud music and dancing. And maybe a bit of snogging, they were never too chatty about that though. (Mine are boys.) IME, once they're 16 or so they start trying to get into "proper" pubs and nightclubs, so there are fewer potential "predators."

[stellsie]

thanks for that, i did think that maybe the older ones would be off down the real pub and might find U18 nights a bit lame! DD has just come home with 1 of her friends and the other friend decided she'd rather have DD for a sleepover than go to the club, phew relief!

[usualsuspect]

My DD went to these ,they were pretty tame affairs ,no booze allowed very strictly policed

She was always picked up after though

Not many 16 year olds went to them tbh ,mostly 13/14/15 year olds

[Doilooklikeatourist]

My 14 year old DD is going to one tonight for the first time, she has been asking to go for about 6 months , we felt it best to let her go ( with 2 friends ) otherwise it becomes like a forbidden fruit . Hoping she won't like it though !

[MackerelOfFact]

I remember going to one of these when I was about 14, I recall it was a bit like soft play with UV lights and loud music! There was also foam which was quite fun. It was all very age-appropriate, there was probably some snogging, but I just enjoyed dancing with my friends. It didn't go on til late either, maybe 10-11 at the latest.

[MackerelOfFact]

And yes, it will be the younger ones that go, I doubt anyone over 16 would be seen dead there TBH!

[stellsie]

thanks all :)
will wait until she asks again, hopefully not until she's 14 and hope that she's not too amazed by it.

[circular]

I think you were right to refuse, mainly because it was spur of the moment.

I would be quite happy for my 14 yo DD to go to this type of thing if it was pre-arranged, with a decent group of friends and bring collected afterwards.

[niceguy2]

Personally I think they are good ideas as long as they are properly policed. My daughter and her mate went to one when she was 13. I dropped her off, i picked her up. as others have said, whilst inside it was all pretty well policed and most kids were 13-15ish.

It's outside that was the problem. Whilst waiting for my DD it all kicked off and some poor lad was properly getting his head kicked in by a group of others until myself & another passerby intervened. Police called etc

I'd let her go back to be fair. It's a good place to learn how clubs work and takes some of the mystery out of it for when they are older and want to go to one which serves alcohol.

[OddBoots]

It isn't so much her age, they all grow up at different rates but I would have said no if in that situation too. I would want the chance to have a chat about how to handle various potential situations before agreeing.

[FannyNil]

My DD didn't go for the 13 - 18 clubs. She is now 17, though, has acquired fake ID and is going to 18+ clubs. A lot of her friends are already 18. She drinks very little alcohol, though, says it's too expensive (her Sunday job money goes on clothes). Friends children have been to the 13+ clubs and have told me that they are well policed. You could phone the favoured club and ask the manager what arrangements are made. She should have had the conversation with you first - this kind of discussion by text message is not a good idea (I realise she initiated it so you didn't have a choice).

[FannyNil]

Also, perhaps talk to the parents of the other girls - do you know them? Would you trust their judgement?