Sex at 15

[mrscoleridge]

Hi

My daughter is 15 and been with her boyfriend (who is nice) for over a year. However yesterday she told me that they had sex and used a condom-she is worried as her period had not come although she tends to be irregular/long cycle. When I got down off the ceiling she did a test which was negative (thank you god) and as only once and protected (and looking at date unlikely to have been in fertile period) hoping this is ok and period will start. But question is what to do now? Go on pill? They are underage after all. Also divorced and ex does not know about any of this and would likely go bananas. Boyfriend has been big support though. His parents also are unaware and likely not to be happy. Any thoughts?

[MirandaGoshawk]

I had the same sort of situation with DD, but she didn't actually tell me, I worked it out. I came onto MN and took the advice of some lovely MNers, that it's better for DD to be protected, with someone she loves/trusts, and in her own bed (ie safe), than sneaking around, feeling 'dirtyt', taking chances with contraception and having her first 'love' experiences round the back of the bus shelter. She asked to go on the pill at 15 & it turned out that (aged 16) all but one of the girls in her class were on the pill! So, the Pill it was.

Anyway, to return to you, I suggest you reign in your horror, and be very pleased that she has confided in you. Ask her what she wants. Good luck!
I know it's difficult. As for ex-DH, does he need to know? Surely not!

[MirandaGoshawk]

To come to your other points - yes they are underage, but is with consent and in the context of a longterm loving relationship. Doctors prescribing the Pill don't seem to worry about the age (DD was 15 and the Dr was very pleased to prescribe it for her, especially as I accompanied her).

Please don't listen to anyone squawking about police etc. It's not going to happen if they are both similar age. If she's 15 & he's 42, however ...

As to the BF - up to him if he tells his parents? However, it would be good if you could talk to them and tell them that you are happy & it's all under control.

One other thing, again from MN, staying the night is a no-no. Dd is 17 now but I've explained to her that this is taking the relationship to another level & I won't have him here after 10pm. This compromise seems to work!

[mrscoleridge]

Thanks for advice-will not be telling exh. As for the staying over this is difficult as boyf has moved 200 miles away so its the only way they can see each other. Pill I think then

[mrscoleridge]

Oh and they are same age btw

[figroll]

My dd is 16 and we discussed going on the pill. She said she would like to go on the pill but not yet as she felt it put more pressure on her to do the 'deed' and she didn't know if she wanted to yet! I just said, that's fine but let me know if you change your mind. I think the open dialogue is the important part. I realise that your dd has already indulged so may be it is a bit different, but I wanted my dd to come to me and discuss it when the time was right for her. She is also in a long term relationship and her bf is lovely. She stops the night with him and she has very openly admitted to sleeping with him all night at his house but she said she is still a virgin and they just loved to cuddle in bed. I have never been judgemental about this and just listened and gave the odd comment (if required). Some of my friends think I am mad to be so easy going with her, but I try to be understanding of them as a young couple who are in love and want to be together.

My message is just to ask her and let her decide what's best for them as a couple rather than being dogmatic and making her take the pill.

[mrscoleridge]

Thank you figroll for that lovely post.I think you are right and it is about talking to them and I too am naturally not dismissive of their relationship although they are young. Still no period but another negative test so let's hope that we have no bigger issues!

[hellhasnofury]

Or maybe the implant? In my experience young girls are not very good at remembering to take the pill and don't always remember the consequences that diarrhoea and vomiting can have.

[dexter73]

The implant is very popular here among the girls as there is no forgetting it.

[MrsDobalina]

I think it's wonderful she can have that discussion with you - my DD is a long way off that but I hope she'd be able to do the same.

Re. the negative pregnancy test, if it's negative 3 weeks after the last unprotected sex (or protected in this case!) as long as the test was done properly you can be reassured that she's not pregnant.

Have you got any good family planning clinics near you? She might prefer a confidential service (not the family GP!) who can counsel her on the whole range of options. The implant is great but there might be something else she prefers.

[mrscoleridge]

Thanks for that will consider implant too

[tobehonest]

Do not tell her boyfriends parents. It sounds like you have been doing the right thing. Most teenagers now adays have sex before there 16 and she was not far off being 15 try not to be to hard on her and she is being sensiable about it as well it seems like her boyfriend is very nice as well so dont try and split them up.

[AnyPhantomFucker]

Implant and condoms

or Pill and condoms

Don't let her forget the risk of STD's either

They need to use a barrier method