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Should I confront DS about weed found in his bedroom drawer?

(21 Posts)
Witco Mon 10-Oct-11 10:13:13

DS is 19 and has just dropped out of college, is smoking weed more regularly than ever (a problem on and off for the past 2 years) and we have always told him NEVER to bring drugs into the house. Last night I opened his bedroom drawer (guiltily) and found a small bag of weed on top of all the rest of the crap. Hate myself for snooping and am now in a quandry as to what to do. He arrived home at 3am and is still asleep. Any advice?

KatAndKit Mon 10-Oct-11 13:56:58

Yes you should confront him. It is still your home and you have made it very clear that you do not want drugs in the house. He has gone against that. Obviously it will start a huge row about the snooping but I think the drugs is a bigger deal than the snooping.

Witco Mon 10-Oct-11 15:15:18

Thanks K&K, we are at our wits end and I do not like invading his privacy in this way.

ImperialBlether Mon 10-Oct-11 15:15:32

I don't think he'll get a job whilst he's smoking weed, tbh.

I had this problem with my son (finding it) and went absolutely crazy. I don't think it stopped him doing it, but I do think it stopped him doing it as much.

I realised that all his little friends were coming round here because they could smoke weed and I was too thick to realise what was going on (he's up in the attic room.)

Once I had it out with him, none of those friends came round. It might have been because I said I would call the police out if I saw it again in the house - he knows I would have, too.

You could say you were putting socks away, that sort of thing, couldn't you?

Witco Mon 10-Oct-11 15:46:30

I could make something up but I don't want to - too much hiding going on! I have threatened to go to the police about his friends and dealers, etc. Thing is, it's hard to do when you know he will be come a social pariah and hate me even more. The weed feeds the inertia = no job and dropped out of college. Am seriously thinking about recommending the armed forces for a bit of discipline!!

Rivenwithoutabingle Mon 10-Oct-11 15:52:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Witco Mon 10-Oct-11 16:01:56

He has a number of jobs to do for £15 a week pocket money and anything he does on top of that he earns (amount agreed in advance). God knows how he is affording it on top of cigarettes - am very worried about that! He hasn't signed on for JSA yet, more bloody inertia! He doesn't seem bothered about the fact that he worked hard to get his uni place and has thrown it in after 3 weeks. Or by the fact that all his friends are studying. Aaaarrrrrgghh, give me the 'terrible twos' any day!

LeBOF Mon 10-Oct-11 16:04:56

Just get rid of it. He can hardly ask you where it is, can he? And if he does, deny all knowledge, go apeshit, and say that you'll be calling the police if you think he has ever brought it into your house again.

Rivenwithoutabingle Mon 10-Oct-11 16:06:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KatAndKit Mon 10-Oct-11 16:08:34

If you stop this pocket money and force him to behave like an adult that might put a stop to his inertia. Pocket money is for children. He should be doing jobs anyway if he is living in your house. All the dope is probably not helping him give a fuck about anything at all, but don't enable him by providing money for it.

CopingWellConsidering Mon 10-Oct-11 16:17:47

I agree that you should stop giving him money as he's clearly using it to buy weed and cigarettes! If he's totally skint then it might motivate him to get a job or at least to sign on for JSA.

Witco Mon 10-Oct-11 16:23:17

Good advice, thank you all. Pocket money is for kids but we were prepared to support him to a small degree when he was at college. Let's see if this motivates him!

Rivenwithoutabingle Mon 10-Oct-11 16:28:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Maryz Mon 10-Oct-11 16:35:50

I would do as BOF says (that's what I always do). I won't have it in the house, but short of throwing ds out I can't stop him. And I can't throw him out because he would be on the street sad.

I sympathise with you about the inertia. Weed is such an awful fucking drug for teenagers, it gradually leeches out their entire personality. In fact when I look at Harry Potter and see the dementors I always feel that is what weed has done to ds - sucked out his very soul sad.

notjustme Mon 10-Oct-11 18:10:17

Must admit, BOF has stated exactly the tactic we (I) take with DD2 smoking - we have finally had to accept that we can't stop her doing it out of the house, but have made it very clear that anything found in this house relating to her and smoking, whether it be lighters, fags, etc, goes in the bin. If he's daft enough to ask you where it is, then he deserves the bollocking!

I too wouldn't be giving pocket money at 19 if he's not at school still, no way. If they are over 16, they are either in school (with financial support) or they are job hunting or in a job. He has no reason to get himself a job right now - he is obviously managing (in his mind) perfectly well without one.

mylittleponypinkypie Mon 10-Oct-11 19:12:54

Stop giving him money, and he'll have to sign on, and he'll cost you less (or get a job)
Throw the weed away, and tbh, I'd randomly search his room for it (and bags/pockets) every week or so

mumeeee Mon 10-Oct-11 21:02:03

Stop giving him money and insist he signs on with JSA. I know that's easier said then done. DD2 was very reluctant
to do this when she was at home. She had finished college and had an unplanned gap year as she didn't get into the uni's she wanted to. Anyway DH said he would stop helping her ( eg taking get to uni auditions) unless she did. Anyway she did listen and sign on. She is now 21 and in the final year at uni and has a part time job.

purplecupcake Tue 11-Oct-11 13:55:13

Weed is a horrible horrible drug.. No matter what you do most teenagers are going to carry on doing it till they grow up! I was so naive once about the darn drug that my son even had a plant growing in the bedroom without me really knowing what it was, I chopped up into little pieces right in front of him.. i have thrown him out, he's slept on the streets several times..nothing made him stop .. he stopped when he went to prison (drink and drug related) after release he has fell back into the weed trap twice, on the last occasion he handed the crap over to me without me asking, and showed me the hiding spot of his bong..

guess what im trying to say is there is light at the end of the tunnel, it just might take some time for him to realise there is more to life than weed .. my thoughts go out to you

GetOrfMo1Land Tue 11-Oct-11 14:00:47

I agree Riven and Maryz (hug for maryz - it sounds so heartbreaking about your son, I really hope that he will turn the corner soon) - throw the stuff out, and give him no money.

I hate the stuff. It is socially acceptable in a way that heroin isn't, and tbh I think it has the same life-ruining potential as heroin. Absolutely consumes people. I am so sorry.

GetOrfMo1Land Tue 11-Oct-11 14:02:22

And notjustme and cupckae. It's bloody horrible how prevalent this stuff is. It is my greatest fear with dd, I really hope she doesn't go anywhere near it.

Rivenwithoutabingle Tue 11-Oct-11 17:07:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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