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Bullying in yr 8

(5 Posts)
Jabbie2 Thu 06-Oct-11 14:51:14

O.k, so my DD is in yr 8.I know all about cliques etc from reading the queen bee book and others.My DD is having a particularly rough time of it at the moment with bullying from this one girl in particular who has a lot of power within their group.To say the other girls are scared of this girl would not be over dramatizing things.I think they are.This girl has done many things to my daughter and others and each time it is all "jokes" and DD and others are being too sensitive, over reacting etc.Well, my DD really has had enough and has taken a stand against her and it has been quite ugly.I don't know what to do to help her as I talk to her, listen to her and I can really see the predicament she is in.This girl has the potential to make things really difficult for DD , she is already taking all of their mutual friends away and as of this morning she had 1 friend left.She is not sleeping well, she feels sick to her stomach.I am making her go to school but hate doing it.I think it will eventually blow over but DD doesn't want to be in that clique anymore with that girl but she is risking loosing some friends because of it.

Has anyone any experience of this?
WWYD? When she was younger it all seemed easier, if there were any bullying issues I knew what to do but now, at secondary level it all seems so much harder.

CopingWellConsidering Fri 07-Oct-11 08:44:46

My DD was bullied in yr 7. In a way it was easier to deal with than what your DD is experiencing because the bully actually hit her (because she accidently bumped into her) & had been throwing chairs across classroom, etc.

We told the school and they said they'd have a word with the bully, that she was already having anger management counselling, and that my DD should try not to wind the bully up! I wasn't too impressed by this response tbh!

You could try talking to the school and find out what their antibullying policy is, all schools are supposed to have one, to see if they would do anything about it.

Sorry if that's not much help.

Jabbie2 Fri 07-Oct-11 09:33:03

Thanks for that.I am just monitoring this, she seems o.k so far. It's just the everyone turning against her, that's upsetting, but DD thinks it isn't to do with the bully girl as such but more to do with the number you are meant to go around in at school.I know, I was surprised, the best number is 6 according to DD and she is trying to establish another friendship group to be a part of but last night, bully girl was texting her (as she had deleted her on BBM) and was saying "see you do need me babe" as she had obviously heard what had been happening with the other arguments but DD is wary.I just said to her she MAY make you think she can fix things(and she possibly could as she has THAT much influence) but then DD would be beholden to her til the next time they fall out.It is tricky.The bully girl came up to her yesterday trying to start something but DD wasn't having any of it.I'm just glad it's Friday.I went up to check on her last night as I knew she was on her laptop and she just started crying as girls she thought were her friends were just getting at her and she felt ganged up on.I just told her to come off of FB and come downstairs which she did and then we talked through what she said had been happening.It breaks my heart, it really does.

ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs Fri 07-Oct-11 11:20:56

sad. IIWY, I would keep any contact from bully girl and stop using FB. I am aware you may as well ask a young person to cut off their arm, but it really is the work of the devil.
Do ask the school about their bullying policy.
Can you have a word with the head of year or pastoral care?

Jabbie2 Fri 07-Oct-11 11:51:46

Thanks, both FB and BBM a problem. I normally keep a close eye on what she is doing online and we have talked about things she can control, like whether or not she gets into a fight on BBM or FB (totally controllable I feel) and also she is coming to the stage where she is realising that she is the bear they are baiting so DON'T BAIT THE BEAR, does that make sense? It's hard for her as in her world to not react, to ignore would not be the thing to do, it is seen as cowardly but I am saying don't give them what they want.She has already said repeatedly that she is bored with the verbal mud slinging and the "parring" and that has taken the wind out of the sails of the bully girl as she loves to argue.I am so proud of DD as what she is doing is a HUGE thing, this girl really is a piece of work, very manipulative, she's shocked me with things she has done/her actions.She has in the past had DD thinking that she has had to apologise!!!!!! For what ? FFS???

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