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Anyone in their 50s with teenagers

(46 Posts)
nikos Thu 06-Oct-11 10:30:57

There is a thread on AIBU from a mnetter wanting to have a baby at 45. Quite a few replies have been doom n gloom about having a teenager in your 50s and 60s. As we will be facing it, I wondered if anyone had experience of this and could tell us how it really is?

badgerhead Thu 06-Oct-11 13:56:24

I'm in my early 50's & have an 18 yr old dd & a 14 yr old dd. It can be stressful at times, especially with dd1 but I feel that we are coming out the other side with her at last. It is beginning to start with dd2, but I tend to not to let it get to me as much as I did with dd 1 & am therefore more relaxed. She is also a different character to her sister & reacts differently to stressful situations so tries not to get too stressed wink

SecretSquirrels Thu 06-Oct-11 15:02:31

53 here with 13 and 15 year old. So I actually had mine before I was 40 although DH was older and is now 61.
Not sure why being in my 50s is any harder than being in my 30s with a teenager?
In fact all the same arguments apply for the benefits of having children later as when they were babies (been there , done the travelling, financially secure etc).

Will come back when I've read thread.
<<goes off to read AIBU thread to find out why I should have a problem>>

OneHandFlapping Thu 06-Oct-11 15:07:52

54 here, with DCs of 17, 15 and 13. I can't see why being younger would have helped. If anything I was probably more impatient and authoritarian then. Anyway, it's not as if they want their parents to be their friends.

BikeRunSki Thu 06-Oct-11 15:14:04

I'll be 50 in 10 years time.
DS will be 13.
DD (due in 3 weeks) will be 10.

Teenagers in my 50s didn't concern me, but I wanted them away by the time I retire!

SecretSquirrels Thu 06-Oct-11 15:39:12

I got fed up reading that thread. Apparently we are all going to be too old, ill or dead to have teenagers in our 50s or 60s.
Says something about the majority age group of MN I think.

LadyEvilEyes Thu 06-Oct-11 15:45:19

That thread pissed me off too.
I'm 55 with a 16 year old son. Some of the younger parents I know have a far older outlook in life than I do.
Ridiculous.

Hullygully Thu 06-Oct-11 15:50:01

I'll be 50 with teenagers. Er. So what?

boohoohoo Thu 06-Oct-11 16:05:14

That thread was pretty nasty, I think it's strange that some people think when you hit sixty you suddenly become old, I'm in both camps, have a seventeen year old and a two year old. I'm in my early forties, husband late forties, we certainly don't feel old, I have no intention if lying down waiting for death when I hit sixty and I really can't see that having a teenager then is going to be a problem, probably just even more laid back.

gettingalifenow Thu 06-Oct-11 16:06:11

surely most people with teenagers are in thier 50s? just trying to do the maths...

I was 29 when I had DS1 and 34 when I had DD2.... most of my friends were around the same ages and stages.... so now I'm 50, DS is 20, DD1 is 18 and DD2 is 15.

You will have to have finished having your family by the time you are 30 to not have teenagers in your 50s! Not just starting with your first baby but having your last baby!

I think if we did a hands up on here, at least half woiuld be in the last baby after 30 category....

seeker Thu 06-Oct-11 16:07:59

Me! And I will still have a teenager when I'm 60. Can't see a problem- men do it all the time and nobody calls them on it!

nikos Thu 06-Oct-11 16:29:22

Thanks ladies, it's what I thought. Don't see why it should be any different parenting a teenager in your 50s and 60s. In some ways you might have a greater perspective on life.

mumeeee Thu 06-Oct-11 17:14:38

I'm almost 55 and have a 19 year old. I also have a 24 and 21 year old, So when I was 50 I had 3 teenagers.

50000feet Thu 06-Oct-11 17:18:56

Teen hormones and menopause. That's where we are - maybe you should be asking the dads.

LapsedPacifist Thu 06-Oct-11 17:28:17

Am 50 with a teen. More chilled parenting as a result of incipient senility maturity and wisdom. Teen appreciates horizontal laid-back parent and a childhood characterized by benign neglect non-heirarchical power structure err, thingy.

Worra pile of pants that thread is.

Sevenfold Thu 06-Oct-11 17:30:05

best time to have a teenager imo, mine are 16 and 19 and tbh teens are the easy part, and yes that is even with dd having severe sn

Maryz Thu 06-Oct-11 19:18:07

Personally, I think I am managing much better now than I would have ten years ago.

I'm almost 50, dh is a couple of years older and I have three teenagers, one of whom is very hard work. I think if I was younger when I had them I would find their behaviour and their opinions much harder to take.

I am mellowing with age, my expectations (for my life and for theirs) are levelling out, I'm not so quick to take offense, or accept blame, I'm much more steady in my outlook.

Also, teenagers are expensive - so if you have children late, you have more time to save hmm before they come along, and you are more likely to have a career to fall back on (or earn money from) as they go out into the world (and cost you even more in university fees and house deposit loans grin).

FannyNil Thu 06-Oct-11 21:29:02

Am 59 with DD of 17. I am the most liberal parent I know (no, that's not a boast, it's a fact). DD says I am a 'legend' to her friends. Apparently that comes of having open house for DD's friends to visit, stay over etc. Why wouldn't I? Would not like to sit in the house, repelling all who came near. I despair sometimes (DD is a very strong character) but have a pragmatic perspective that I would not have had when I was younger. Maryz is right - I will be able to offer DD some financial help at university (though not all, she has to learn to manage money) without breaking myself. Totally dreading retirement, though.

exoticfruits Thu 06-Oct-11 21:59:45

As long as you are fit and healthy there is no problem at all.
Age is an attitude of mind.
I do get fed up with the ageism on MN! Anyone over 60yrs is 'elderly' whereas the ones I know run, ride horses, ski black routes etc.
I am in my 50's and I go for a run most days-I get the impression that there are many mothers in their 20's on here who couldn't run round the block!
I bet that if I was to challenge many a younger mother of teenagers to a race I would win!

exoticfruits Thu 06-Oct-11 22:02:25

Judging by the overprotective, controlling mothers on some posts I am amazing liberal-despite my advanced age (I wish my DCs thought it!)

hester Thu 06-Oct-11 22:05:55

I will be 65 when my youngest turns 20! Ask me then how it's been.

When I was a teenager, my mum was in her early 30s. I certainly didn't feel that she 'understood' me and I was as embarrassed by her as any child.

She probably did have more energy, though...

NotanOtter Thu 06-Oct-11 22:08:51

i am in my early forties with three teens 19,17 almost 15

tis haaaaaaard!!

hoping when my next three are teens i will be much older and much wiser wink

HannahHack Thu 06-Oct-11 22:10:52

It's a bit silly to be shocked isn't it? My parents considered themselves quite young parents, they had me when they were 25 and 32 respectively. However, my 16 y/o sister has 50 and 57 y/o parents respectively. I think she's got it better to be honest as they are constantly out of the house persuing hobbies/w/e away as they only have one iyswim!

I'm 24 and if I had a third child for example at 35 then I would be in the same position. I don't have any now and considering career or just bad luck conceiving etc, if I started tomorrow that would well be the case for me!

Maryz Thu 06-Oct-11 22:58:36

I agree with the ageism on here (some people seem to think life ends at 40). My dad came skiing with us for his 70th birthday (he hadn't skied since he was 25 so it was a bit of a shock). He is now almost 80, he drives, he plays 18 holes of golf three times a week, he still plays social tennis, he goes to the gym.

My mum is 78, and does most of the above - not the gym, but does her own gardening (digging and cutting hedges and suchlike). Both are great with my teenagers, take a great interest in them etc.

They have a wonderful life, and have saved enough money to travel and to help us (and our kids) out - they have taken us on a couple of holidays.

By their standards they weren't young when they had us (in their 30s), and are even older now, obviously. But if something happened to me they would make great parents for my teenagers.

Obviously there is always the possibility of them dying hmm and that interrupting their parenting - but they will be in their 80s not their 50s - why that possibility would be a problem for parents in their 50s and 60s I can' imagine.

mumeeee Thu 06-Oct-11 23:33:53

My sister is 50 she has a 12 year who'll be 13 in April so she'll have a teenager for most of her 50's. My brother is 51 and my SIL is 50. Their children are 11. 14, 17 and 19. They are all fit and healthy and actually have more patience then younger parents.

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