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Sick of being the families' scapegoat

(2 Posts)
ScapeGoat Sun 02-Oct-11 19:06:01

Hi, I have a ds13 and dd17 and their dad (my husband of 20 years) left suddenly before last Christmas (my d knew he was leaving because he used her as a confident to his 9 month affair). They see him regularly.

My ds has developed severe anger issues and been in trouble at school resulting in a permanent exclusion. He has been verbally and physically violent towards me and I have phoned the police when he has attacked me. My ds is staying with his dad (police bail conditions) and refusing to talk to me.

My dd has been generally ok with me, but been vile yesterday and today. We went shopping and she goaded and goaded me eg saying things like "no wonder dad and left you" On and on and on including thumping me when we got to the car because I refused to carry on shopping with her with her attitude. I drove straight to her dads where she still is.

They both know what their father has done (eg, spending thousands on his tart) yet they seem to think he is Mr Cool. He tolerates swearing, takes them for kebabs/McDonalds etc regularly, calls DS 'mate', sides with re his bad behaviour at school (blames school). Where I refused to be sworn at/hit etc, try to make healthy meals etc.

Why do my DC hold so much anger towards me? I expected them to take out their upset on me, but not to this extent!

I feel all three of them are bonding over their mutual blame/hatred of me.

All I've done is try to be the best mum possible and tried to be the stable parent etc but all I've had back is venim.

I feel so alone

wellwisher Sun 02-Oct-11 19:11:36

Don't have experience of this but didn't want to read and run. I've heard it is normal for children to blame the parent who hasn't left, if that makes sense.

You aren't alone. Your dcs are young and in time they will appreciate everything you've done for them.

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