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Suitable punishment or not?

(38 Posts)
KatyMac Sat 01-Oct-11 16:32:02

DD is 13 (nearly 14) & travelling 60 miles on her own by train

Last week was the first time & she was non-contactable for the whole 8 hours she was gone (phone battery died, no credit etc)

We explained that this week she must text at appropriate times (eg on train, on arrival etc). Ensured credit was on her phone & checked it was charged.

She hasn't; so next week one of us will travel with her as she obviously doesn't want to do this by herself (IMO).

That seems fair to me but is it OTT?

Maisiethemorningsidecat Sat 01-Oct-11 16:38:39

No, not OTT at all.

I'm not sure I'd let DS1 (who is the same age) travel that distance, so am very impressed that your DD (and you!) is/are confident enough to do the journey. However, given that she's not followed your instructions you are quite right to remove some of her independence until she can prove herself worthy of your trust.

KatyMac Sat 01-Oct-11 16:45:59

You're sure?

Part of the reason we let her go was for independence but now I feel betrayed

startail Sat 01-Oct-11 16:46:17

UANBU, assuming she's going shopping or to see a friend, not for a hike on Dartmoor, she finds a pay phone or borrows someone's mobile and reports she's safely arrived.

KatyMac Sat 01-Oct-11 16:46:48

No she has classes

PastGrace Sat 01-Oct-11 16:57:33

Not OTT at all. You must have been so worried!

I would also say though, I've been on trains before where people's phones have died and the train manager/conductor has always offered a phone (I assume their own, but possibly a train phone?) just so that they can reassure worried relatives. Obviously it shouldn't be relied on, but maybe make her aware of alternatives in case she forgets again.

KatyMac Sat 01-Oct-11 17:19:01

I am

11:30 she was on the train - who knows what is going on now

PastGrace Sat 01-Oct-11 17:22:30

Oh gosh, I thought she was home by now!

Definitely not over-reacting.

Hassled Sat 01-Oct-11 17:25:12

Katy - have PMd you

AgentProvocateur Sat 01-Oct-11 17:27:17

She'll be fine - how do you think people coped before mobiles? She's nearly 14, and she's going to classes on a Saturday daytime, not wandering about a red-light area at night. Honestly, you'd have heard if she hadn't turned up. By all means, read her the riot act, but don't take away her independence by going with her.

JaredLetosNextGF Sat 01-Oct-11 17:31:25

Have you text/phoned her? If not, why not? She's a teen. Their world only revolves amongst themselves. If you have and she's ignored, then yes, down on her like a ton of bricks!

KatyMac Sat 01-Oct-11 17:56:35

Texted 4 times

Spoken to the school (she arrived is fine)

Throwing a mild temper tamtrum; I explained the rules, she has ignored them as far as I can see no discussion

KatyMac Sat 01-Oct-11 18:16:07

We were cross last week but we gave her a second chance

I won't be so keen to give her a second chance in future

Maryz Sat 01-Oct-11 18:18:42

I've just sent dd a text saying "where the fuck are you".

She went to a friend's yesterday (the first time ever I haven't directly arranged with the parent), and then off into town. And hasn't texted or answered her phone since.

dh suggested that maybe she is taking the piss and was somewhere else entirely, so I had to ring the friend's mum (she was there last night).

I will be having WORDS and possibly confiscating phones.

ragged Sat 01-Oct-11 18:25:01

I think I'm with AgentProvacateur; I wouldn't send an adult with her next week. But I would penalise in another way, something that REALLY motivates her to not forget, like docking her pocket money for a week or taking her phone off her each evening the second she gets home so she can't get in touch with her friends until she heads out to school the next morning.

KatyMac Sat 01-Oct-11 18:27:51

I think being escorted like the 11yos will be fairly humiliating tbh

Apparently she phoned & texted; so I said I would check her phone record when she got in

RumourOfAHurricane Mon 03-Oct-11 15:57:28

Message withdrawn

KatyMac Mon 03-Oct-11 22:39:22

Maybe

but how many chances do I give her?

mycatsaysach Mon 03-Oct-11 22:42:51

um..... i would say that as she is not following the rules perhaps she is not ready for this level of independence.i too have a dd the same age and she really isn't to be trusted to go anywhere (apart from school) on her own she is well behaved but doesn't have a great deal of common sense.

Maryz Mon 03-Oct-11 22:45:20

I lost my temper shiney blush. To be fair at that stage I hadn't heard from her for 24 hours, had rung her half a dozen times and texted twice. I just thought the sock might wake her up.

It never occurred to me that she was out of coverage.

Did she actually text Katy, or was she telling porkies?

KatyMac Mon 03-Oct-11 22:47:16

Who knows

Her phone 'died' & a friends dad reset it & wiped it's entire memory hmm

Maryz Mon 03-Oct-11 22:49:06

Grr "shock" not sock of course.

jennifersofia Mon 03-Oct-11 22:49:50

I don't think you are being OTT necessarily - maybe it is her way of asking for support? But my dds are still only 11 & 9, so not sure if I have the right perspective. Perhaps escort her once?

wellwisher Mon 03-Oct-11 22:54:09

May I suggest that you all give your dcs Android phones for Christmas? You can then use Google Latitude to track their location. Seriously! It works on iPhones too smile

seeker Mon 03-Oct-11 23:00:16

Ok. So coincidentally, two Saturday's running she hd a phone problem.

I would let her go one more time, but with very strict rules. If they aren't kept to, then she doesn't go again.

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