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Violent Teenagers

(12 Posts)
mrkc Sat 01-Oct-11 00:59:47

My 15 year old daughter has a terrible temper. She goes crazy if we dare to say no to her. She kicks doors, walls and throws things about the house. She has smashed my oven door by throwing an object at it in temper. She also hits her sister and hits both my husband and I. We are at our wits end! She is very polite outside and can change her behaviour within minutes if someone comes to the house. She also, swears constantly (which is also getting us down!) and continually calls us abusive names! She can be ok for days , sometimes weeks and we think "she is growing uo" then again it all starts. Any advice?

nametapes Sat 01-Oct-11 16:41:09

I have had all this behaviour from my dd who is now 20yrs .
Clamp down on her evil violent temper, and tell her you will not tolerate her violent outbursts any longer. Of course she has to express it when she is angry, she can verbalize it by saying "I am really really furiously angry and i am going out to get away from you lot and cool down" etc etc, But, she must not be allowed to throw things and smash up the house. My DD has broken stuff and i have been furious. Infact , we had a horrible outburst only about 3 weeks ago, when she was upset she had no money to go out and see her boyfriend, and she pushed a large mirror over in her room and smashed all the wooden frame . I was livid, and i knew her anxiety levels were very high before she did it. She did apoligized and said she didnt mean to do it and didnt mean to hurt me .
You MUST at times say "NO", you cannot be held to ransom for fear of her outbursts. Let her go mad, let her kick off/scream/swear/ have her hissy fit, and WALK AWAY. Create as much space between you as possible. Tell her you will talk later when she has calmed down. BUT under no circumstances allow her to break, damage things in the house. If she wants to go and kick a bucket in the garden or chuck something out of the car (school bag etc) let her.

Maryz Sat 01-Oct-11 20:26:28

You need a "no violence" rule in your house, and if she violates it you need to call the police.

She cannot be allowed to frighten or attack you or younger children. And bear in mind if you or your dh hit her back (out of sheer frustration) you will be in very real trouble legally, as well as more than likely permanently ruining you relationship.

You need to separate her "actions" from her "attitude". Try as hard as possible to ignore the attitude, but come down hard on the actions you don't like. If that makes sense.

There are some posters on here who have had difficulty with violent daughters and have discovered that their mood dramatically improves if they go on the pill, so keeping a diary of her behaviour and the time of the month (make sure you diary good days as well as bad ones, so you can see exactly how difficult the behaviour is) might help.

GypsyMoth Sat 01-Oct-11 20:27:34

My advice from being there??

Call the police!

Maryz Sat 01-Oct-11 20:35:13

Hi Tiff, fancy meeting you here <<waves>>

alemci Sat 01-Oct-11 20:44:26

It sounds awful and it is not right for her to hit you. Perhaps you should call the police if she does it again.

I must admit I would want to hit her back and so would my DH. There is no way I would put up with my teenagers hitting me. This is where the not smacking children thing really annoys me. It seems it is acceptable for them to assault you but not the other way around.

GypsyMoth Sat 01-Oct-11 21:32:23

<< hi Mary!!>>

noteventhebestdrummer Sat 01-Oct-11 21:36:16

Faced with violence from DS (who had taken drugs for an extended period and who was on a rapid downward spiral) I did call the police and it did help.

Partly because it was an admission that I could not cope. It shocked him enough to make some changes.

GypsyMoth Sat 01-Oct-11 21:38:54

Yes, in our case it resulted in youth offending team getting involved

And dd loved the police so much she now wants to join up herself!

mrkc Tue 04-Oct-11 21:46:27

Thanks everyone for your advice!

ImperialBlether Wed 05-Oct-11 22:47:36

Are you sure there aren't hormonal problems? What does she have to say about it when she's feeling okay?

mrkc Wed 05-Oct-11 23:35:11

She is disgusted with herself and apologises! Good point x

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