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Sad for DS and not sure where to take it

(14 Posts)
Mandy2003 Fri 30-Sep-11 18:07:13

DS (nearly 13) has not entered puberty yet but some in his form/year are very mature physically. This must be the same all around the world, but how should we cope with the attitudes of others - specifically as DS is one of the smallest, the big guys are calling him gay. As in homosexual.

How have your DCs coped with similar situations? I've said I will go and see the pastoral teacher but any ideas what DS should say to the bullies?

cazboldy Fri 30-Sep-11 21:17:45

think everything/everyone is "gay" at that age .......including, clothes, food, cars,.........

I think he should just ignore them (if possible)......does he want you to go to see the teacher?

cazboldy Fri 30-Sep-11 21:18:47

to them i mean...... it's a frequently used word.... not sure if i have explained very clearly sorry blush

troisgarcons Fri 30-Sep-11 21:19:43

Bullies can only bully if someone reacts.
An old adage but if you give oxygen to a fire it becomes an inferno.

Easier said than done but ignore all the way.

Bullies never pick on popular kids, they pick on the vunerable.

I assume this eminated from showering together? because otherwise they wouldnt see his testicles havent dropped or he's not started growing hair yet. He wont be the only one in his class/year group that havent developed facial hair or an out break of acne.

Mandy2003 Fri 30-Sep-11 21:19:46

Yes he does want me to see the teacher. It's not the "gay" gay, it's homosexual gay. He doesn't see why sexuality should be an issue for him, he doesn't see why others should keep on about it as he hasn't even entered puberty yet.

DialMforMummy Fri 30-Sep-11 21:20:15

This is very sad.
I am wondering if he could get involved in sports ie athletics so he could use his physique as an advantage.
I don't think there is a great deal that he can say to the bullies to make them stop. I am sorry.

Mandy2003 Fri 30-Sep-11 21:21:58

He is popular with his own little group. Little being the operative word, they're all small like him. They don't have to shower so it's just cos he's smaller than the others and doesn't loon about after girls.

VoldemortsNipple Fri 30-Sep-11 21:41:34

What I do with DS who is the same age and build is build up his confidence about how mature he is. For instace he has just joined cadets. He asked me if he could join because he wanted to, he didn't know anybody who went. I told him how mature and confident he is to go on his own and make new friends.

I've also just discovered that topman sell t-shirts in size xxs which fit DS, so I've bought him some so he feels more grown up in his clothes. I find its very hard to buy clothes for boys at this age.

alemci Fri 30-Sep-11 21:42:01

I think it is good that you are seeing the pastoral teacher. the boys are making homophobic comments which are not acceptable so this needs to be dealt with. I don't think it would be good to single out individuals as this would have serious repercussions for your DS but it does need to be sorted out.

I've worked with teenage boys and they do tend to call each other names at this age. I remember one boy was really upset because the others were calling him gay. we did talk to the boys doing the name calling and things got better

Chrononaut Fri 30-Sep-11 21:47:09

DH was tiny at secondary school and then shot up to 6ft soon after he left. There isn't much to be done about the bullies calling him gay but, i wouldnt be surprised if one of them was gay (takes one to know one right?)

skybluepearl Fri 30-Sep-11 23:18:02

I had a similar issue many moons ago and the pastoral teacher at my school told the bullies to appologise or stay well away from me. I don't think they realised just how upsetting their behaviour was. Most of them said sorry - which i really appreciated. It all stopped after that and things went back to normal.

I think i would advise your son not to react to comments though.

Maryz Sat 01-Oct-11 20:30:49

The trouble is that someone will always be the smallest and the latest to "grow up". So it is difficult for him, but essentially the only cure for it is time.

While he waits it is worth building up his confidence by finding things he is good at, encouraging friendships outside school, and more than anything just being reassuring and trying hard not to make a big deal out of it.

The "gay" insult is hard for them to cope with (whether or not they are gay, in fact it must be even worse if they think they are homosexual, for them to hear the word used so insultingly hmm). My ds is good at sport, he is muscular and not very small, but he is called gay because he is good at singing and has been in the choir. He is learning to live with the insults and laugh them off, but God, if I could get some of the kids in his year and bang their heads together I would angry.

Mandy2003 Mon 03-Oct-11 14:52:21

Thanks everyone that's replied so far. Today I rang the pastoral teacher, she asked for a few details, I said it was name-calling with a homophobic theme and she said she'd go see DS, get him to make a report and that this sort of thing is always easy to stop in her experience.

I asked her to keep me posted. Hopefully the contact between her and DS is done in a private way so that he doesn't get accused of grassing.

summer111 Wed 05-Oct-11 17:16:15

Just asked my ds about this - he's the same age. He said loads of people call each other gay 'for jokes' but he said if it is said in a nasty way, then he would tell them to f* o**! blush
ds used to get the odd name calling by the 'cooler' kids at school and this is how he dealt with it...with success!

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