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Newbie with a question re teenage "get together"

(9 Posts)
Suedreamer Thu 29-Sep-11 11:49:28

Hello everybody, new here...need some advice please!!

My DS is 17 next month and has asked if he can have a get together/sleepover at our house with 6 friends. It would be during the week they are off college for half term. Its the first time he's had anyone to stay here (he has stayed at his friends houses fairly frequently) and I don't really know what to expect. He says that when he has stayed at his friends houses the parents have either stayed upstairs, or gone out, I won't be going out, as I think they will need some sort of supervision. I guess really my questions are:

How do I set limits for what is acceptable behaviour?

Do I set a "lights out" time, so that they're not wandering around, talking, generally making a noise past a certain time?

I don't want to seem too strict, but at the same time I don't want to be a pushover and end up letting them run riot. I'm pretty sure it won't be all that wild, was just wondering how others here have dealt with it...and would like to give DS some guidelines as to what I think is acceptable and what isn't.


SecretSquirrels Thu 29-Sep-11 13:25:19

Are they all boys?
If so I think at 17 you should relax.
Supply lots of food and soft drinks.
Agree rules well ahead with your son about noise/lights out.
My DS is 15 and doesn't do this very often , I usually ask that they are in his room by about 1 am and quiet by2am. They all bed down on the floor in sleeping bags.
You need to think about alcohol. At 17 they may expect to be allowed a beer. Best to agree that ahead as well and be aware that someone will sneak some in.

Suedreamer Thu 29-Sep-11 14:45:27

Thanks SecretSquirrels!!

I think there are a couple of girls in the group he will be asking...don't know if that makes a difference. I am going to talk to him about "lights out" times, so he knows where he stands beforehand. Don't think they'll all be able to bed down in his room, its quite small, but maybe the boys in the lounge, and the girls could have my DD's room (she's at uni at the moment). I'm pretty sure they will bring some alcohol with them, as my DS has take a couple of bottles of beer when he's been at their houses, but will keep a close eye on what they're up to.

Will make sure there's plenty of food, although I'm pretty sure that ordering pizza will be on the agenda, it is his birthday after all smile

Thanks for the advice


LancsDad Thu 29-Sep-11 18:40:49

My advice:- CHILL and don't treat him like a 10 year old keeping "close eye on him".

He's 17 and they want to "party" at your house knowing you may be there so I don't suppose they'll be planning on ordering strippers etc. At 17 I wouldn't have dreamed of having mates round at parents for a party.

My friends lad is 17, he's in the army and doing training for Afghanistan and no doubt he'll be sent there - after he's 18 I think.

Don't set yourself up to get stressed.


KatieScarlett2833 Thu 29-Sep-11 18:45:05

You do the following:

Order pizza and about six hundred litres of juice.

Ensure you have supplies for self upstairs and your laptop and earplugs

Either provide sleeping bags or ask guests to come prepared with one.

Take mogadon or similar

Provide breakfast fodder

Stay in bed till they have all gone.

mumblechum1 Thu 29-Sep-11 20:15:46

DH and I are going away soon for a week and leaving ds (17) home alone for the week. I know that he's having a similar get together of about 10, and I trust him to be sensible. They will be having drinks, there will be girls but really as long as word doesn't get out and lots of gatecrashers arrive (unlikely as we're in the sticks), I'm sure he'll be fine.

I would stay well out of the way if I were you. Your ds is practically a man, and should be treated as such imo.

Happymum22 Thu 29-Sep-11 23:34:51

At this age I have had similar 'get together/gathering/parties' for my children, all I have been at home for except once.
I completely trust my DC, I provided alcohol (DC had to pay towards it) I go with the philosophy if I don't give it to them it becomes a game of them sneeking it in/bringing it themselves...they are likely between them to bring more than I will be providing so I'd rather DC told their friends alcohol provided than their friends bringing it.
My DC all have fairly nice friends who are very polite (often come and thank me at the end) and I've never had any issues. Not even smokers or any being sick. I keep out the way. I tend to shut myself with other DC in the front room, will answer the door for any latecomers but other than that do not go into the area of the party and let DC host. I would rather my DC occasionally had 'gatherings' than were too embarrassed and always went elsewhere where I never could see for myself whats going on.
With DD of to uni on saturday I am very very glad she has had experiences from about 16 of going to parties and from that age gradually drinking more and more and learning her limits and how to cope in that sort of social situation. If I had never allowed alcohol and discouraged it then she would go crazy with the novelty at uni and not know when to stop drinking..

Theas18 Fri 30-Sep-11 10:02:50

What Happymum says!

Interestingly at DDs 18th gathering 12 (admittedly all girls) were provided with alcohol and managed between them to consume 1 bottle cava type, 1 bottle white wine and 1 stubby beer!!! Several gallons of juice/lemonade /coke though!

They were lovely, I did tell them to maybe stop chatting for a bit at 3 (they were just chatting/giggling though, and I did bacon butties just after 9 to encourage them to go home , which it did!

Suedreamer Fri 30-Sep-11 10:30:41

Thanks to LancsDad, KatieScarlett, mumblechum1, HappyMum22 and Theas18. I will have to chill, I realise that now, and I'm sure it won't be a nightmare scenario or anything like that. The booze aspect does worry me a little, I was thinking of providing my own, but not a vast amount of it, just so things don't get out of hand, I think there is a strong chance they will bring their own too. The main point seems to be to keep out of the way, which I intend to do...think the earplugs will be an absolute necessity somehow;)

Thanks for all the advice


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