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Dd15 and dh do not get on

(6 Posts)
SueyD Tue 27-Sep-11 23:18:06

My dd 15 and her dad (my husband) do not get on. They used to be close but has she has entered the teens their relationship has deteriorated. I feel he is rather tougher on her than our sons 16 & 12 years. She is now refusing to talk to him unless really necessary which makes living with the two of them difficult. He feels I do not support him which is not fair I feel as I do talk to her about her behaviour towards him. But to be honest I am getting fed up of being in the middle of it all. Occasionally he will blow up and get very angry with her and start shouting. This of course does not help. She can be incredibly infuriating but basically she is a good kid. She has has a really tough time with her periods since they started and has been very stoic about it all. I feel he should keep on trying to keep communication channels open but when she does talk to him he often makes a huge deal about it which then annoys her and the cycle starts again. We have had another row this evening about it after they got into an argument about who was opening the fridge door! I feel like knocking their heads together sometimes!!

Any advise would be welcome.

IloveJudgeJudy Thu 29-Sep-11 17:18:46

I haven't any advice as our DD almost 15 is not the most easy to live with. DH does not usually get too upset with her, but he does get upset with DS (17) and starts shouting at him. I am trying to impress on DH that shouting at DS will get him nowhere and that DS will then stop telling us what is going on in his life. Atm DS tells us/me practically everything, good and bad, and if it's bad, even if it's what someone in his group has done, DH does sometimes have a tendency to get annoyed.

I agree with you that he should keep trying to keep the communication channels open. He is the adult and she is still the child.

Perhaps you could talk to both of them separately and tell them that you are speaking to the other one, too. Ask them both to contain their temper. Good luck.

SueyD Thu 29-Sep-11 19:18:55

Thank you. I have made this point to him that he needs to be the adult and sometimes he will need to tell her that he is not happy with her behaviour but that he is leaving the situation and will talk to her when they are both calmer. But it's easier said than done. It's good to know that others have the same probs and not just us!

It's not just yousmile

I have 4 teens and at different times, two of them have had very rocky patches with DH. 15 was probably the worst age with both of them (one boy one girl) .DH loves them dearly but is a bit of a fuss poss.. makes a fuss over stuff like untidiness, leaving damp towels etc.. and is oblivious to the fact that teens don't give a damn! He used to pick pointless arguments. DS would then slam stuff (and punched thro a few walls)and strop off, while DD would argue back to the point where I could have cheerfully banged his and her heads together!!!

Of course I got it in the neck for not supporting him/him/her..I could never win! I used to get really cross and point out that DH was acting like a teen himself (it didn't help!!)

The good bit is that as long as you can avoid all out warfare it will probably settle in the endsmile Mine are now 19, 18 17 and 14 and the older two are lovely with DH now.. minor niggles are about as much as it gets.

You just have to survive the next couple of years..and keep talkingsmile

niceguy2 Fri 30-Sep-11 22:34:38

I think your DH needs to pick his battles. I think that is the secret of raising teens. A full scale argument over a fridge door doesn't seem worth it but then who am I to talk? My 15yr old DD barely spoke to me for a week and I confiscated her iphone all over her not answering the home phone.

What I do want to say though is that dad's are generally a lot more protective over their daughters than son's. And that may be the reason why you think he is being tougher on her than your sons.

Unfortunately every father will remember back to what he wanted to do to girls at this age and that's why we shit ourselves.

As I say to my friends, if my son came home and told me he'd shagged a girl, I'd be shaking his hand and be chuffed. If my daughter came home and said the same thing, I'd be out hunting the little shit down hell bent on turning him into a eunuch.

Sexist?? Hell yes. But that's the way it is. smile

Maryz Sat 01-Oct-11 22:14:56

dd (who is a really nice kid) is obnoxious to dh. She treats him as a rather stupid inconvenience, and has to be bollocked into even being polite to him.

He used to get very upset, but that really didn't help.

Since he has taken a step back and not reacted emotionally things have improved a lot. If she is rude he just says "what did you say" and stands and looks at her until she looks down embarrassed and then mutters a sort of sorry.

He hands out the money (I generally deal with the boys and money, but I leave money and dd to him) so at least she has to be polite occasionally. When she was little they were very close, and I think if he just leaves it they will be again. What he mustn't do is burn his boats and have an unforgettable (on both sides) row. Because that won't help.

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