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Son who won't try hard enough!!

(12 Posts)
sararuth Tue 20-Sep-11 10:28:28

I am having so much trouble with my 12yr old son. He is so bright but just lazy. I found out last week that he had been reported to his form teacher 3 times already this term but he won't tell me what for. When looking through books at the weekend discovered he hadn't done two maths homeworks.

I then discovered this morning that he has been given school rules to write out as well for messing about at break time.

He won't work at home and won't even sort out his bag for the next day. There is always something left sitting on his desk because he 'forgot' to put it in.

I am really at the end of my patience and it is causing friction at home because I won't take a softly softly approach to it.

Can someone please tell me I am not losing my mind and that there are other children like him out there.

bigbluebus Tue 20-Sep-11 14:01:51

There are other children like him out there ........!
My DS 14 nearly 15 is very bright but very lazy. Very reluctant to do homework (but does cos I nag him), doesn't need to sort out school bag as just carries everything to/from school every day regardless of if its needed -frequent detentions for poor behaviour (although I think they are becoming less frequent now so maybe the penny has dropped!). Lost brand new PE kit last week because he put it down somewhere and forgot to pick it up again! Thinks he should spend all his free time playing computer games/PS3 games.
Don't know the answers I'm afraid - but you are definitely not alone. Let school deal with the school behaviour/homework - unless they ask for your intervention and try and let the things that don't really matter go - otherwise you will be nagging all the time - like me!!!

mumsamilitant Tue 20-Sep-11 15:33:27

Mine would forget his head if it wasn't screwed on.

He's lost 4 oyster cards, 3 sets of keys, 2 PE Kits, 2 fleeces, 1 coat, 2 hats,
3 pairs of gloves this year alone (and I could go on and on and on, won't even mention what should be in his pencil case!)

I got soooo sick of nagging about homework etc. I now make him go straight home from school and do it. When I get in I check it off in his planner. Oh and I also go through his school bag/pockets with him to make sure there isn't anything lurking in there that needs to be done.

mumsamilitant Tue 20-Sep-11 15:37:14

Oh and he also got kicked out of ICT Friday for laughing too much.

Teenagers, bless em huh angry

sararuth Wed 21-Sep-11 13:25:48

So glad not alone.

You really want them to reach their full potential and I just get really frustrated when I know he can do better.

He actually came home yesterday with a lilac card, a reward system that they use, for getting 100% in a geography test.

Think I might try the old bribery trick and buy him a treat for doing well in the test and see if that works

Maryz Wed 21-Sep-11 14:52:48

He is in secondary - so you have two options. The first is the micro-manage him, call the school, get a copy of his timetable, make sure his bag is packed with all the right stuff, check up on homework, agree with form teacher to be informed of all detentions, punishment etc. The second is to let the school deal with it, and let him get into trouble.

If you take the first route, you will spend (probably) the next three years doing it, because he will never learn. You will also quite possibly desstroy your relationship with him.

If you go the second route, do ring the form teacher and inform them that you are doing it, and get them to inform you how it is going.

Though if he is getting 100% in tests, he doesn't sound too bad.

mumsamilitant Wed 21-Sep-11 16:24:07

If you go the second route be prepared for the barrage of phone calls that will make you feel like shit stress you

Or you could go through things together and keep things sweet smile

HighNoon Wed 21-Sep-11 21:37:21

Don't worry there are thousands of boys like this. Time is on your side. My DS is nearing 15 and has improved a lot in the last few weeks (that's as good as it gets so far!) What am I saying though ?? - just setting myself up for a stressy phone call as mumsamilitant says. The school name appears on caller ID - my heart sinks.

quirrelquarrel Mon 26-Sep-11 21:02:57

Even at sixth form I'm a mess....forget homeworks, forget books, totally scatty, get a thousand reminders and it doesn't stick. Mix of don't-careishness and something else, I guess. If I have one really important deadline, like now it's getting my UCAS stuff in early, I just focus on that and everything else goes flump to the ground forgotten. You can be v. independent and still have a memory just like a sieve when it comes to everyday things. I'm lucky to have teachers who keep prodding me and don't give up on that essay set two months ago...
In secondary school I had loads of detentions for forgetting things and esp. homework, I'm not a delinquent quite yet. Very precise lists really help, you could try that.

Anyway, my point is that he could be doing a lot worse, and maybe he just can't help some of it. Like he needs to put more effort in (to remembering little things) than other people do. The problem is that teachers always give tiny homeworks like "find out two facts about this person" and you know they're not going to follow up on it in the next lesson, so there's not that much point in it except where disciplining yourself is concerned, and at 12 that's not the highest priority! Even with bigger homeworks it's the same thing.

gingeroots Tue 27-Sep-11 11:37:26

Good post qq - the other killer I found for DS was those assignments set in Sept and due in the following May !
Guess what happened ....

elastamum Tue 27-Sep-11 11:47:25

I've got one like this!! We have timetables and prep diaries stuck up on the wall so I know what is supposed to be done. My approach has been that both DC's have to finish prep before doing anything else and if I find it isnt getting done I just take away all gadgets, iphones, x box etc for a week.

I'm not arguing anymore, and I just remove the kit that he likes to play with, so he can see the consequences. Thus far this term it seems to be working as he would rather have his x box, than not do his prep.

I also do help him out a fair bit, as he is dyspraxic and I know he finds organising things difficult

nickschick Tue 27-Sep-11 11:53:54

With ds2 we tried the micromanaging sad luckily for ds2 his head of year is very good friends with ds1 and my dh .....however a new head has meant that rules are tightening and ds simply is a rulebreaker sad....we decided that rather than spend every day on the phone trying to resolve everything if ds causes the trouble/problems its ds' who has to sort it out.....we spoke to ds reminded him of actions and consequences and spoke to school (who quite frankly were surprised we'd lasted so long) and now ds is responsible for himself - he couldnt find his tie on Monday had a hissy fit,in the past id have rung round borrowed a tie or rung his head of year who would secretly loan him one - now I simply said 'oh dear' ....in the evening written in his log book was ..'no tie' I wrote underneath 'Ds has 3 ties of his own and 2 ties that belonged to his older brother'- ds was not pleased.

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