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DD Just turned 15 staying over at 16 year old BF house

(11 Posts)
dontwotzme Sun 18-Sep-11 17:40:01

Been seeing each other about a month, read a comment on FB which leads me to think she has lied about being at her mates for a sleepover after a party, when she may (highly likely as she came home with big hickey) have been at BF's. A pattern emerging of never coming home when she says she will, always "nearly home" or "now I'm at Dardedars house". She's not on the pill. I am worried about her only being 15. I want her safe.

TheOriginalFAB Sun 18-Sep-11 17:41:50

Then keep her in until she can learn to tell the truth.

GingerLa Sun 18-Sep-11 17:53:46

I remember my family trying to persuade me not to see a boy when I was about 15 and it had the reverse effect, which I now regret... Soo imo grounding her or shouting cos she lied may not have the affect your wanting. Id have a chat with her about why she felt she had to lie to you, ask to meet the boy?! let her know you know how she is feeling and yeah Id go to the doc for contraception with her....

I no other parent would handle this in different ways and those ways are just as valid, I just feel that by if my parents had displayed trust in me at that ages I would have taken real responsibility for my actions and have asked more questions, had more support, been more empowered and have made different decisions!!

MrsRobertDuvall Sun 18-Sep-11 18:02:22

You need to have a chat with her and confront her with the lying.
Not in a negative way, but tell her she cannot be trusted if she lies.
She is only just 15...my dd is too, and if she is on a sleepover I would be calling the parents and making sure she is where she says she is.

Tortington Sun 18-Sep-11 18:10:53

you need to get her some condoms, get her on the pill, get her an appointment with a nurse at the gps or family planning to talk about sexual health.

yes shes too young, yes its awful - its your daughter - but ffs dont put your head inthe sand,.

you can address the issues around lying and deciet you can still inflict a punishemtn, but if shes having sex or thinking about it - thems oem conversations need to be had.

if you dont do it becuase its awkward and she comes to you pregnant and you have to sort out an abortion - dont put her through that.

if she comes to you with a STD - that conversation will be more awkward and may lead to complications

so yes - still parent, talk about safety etc. and its your job to check on her - if she says shes at a mates house - you need the number, you need to ring the mum and make sure.

no number - no sleepover.

so you can parent in this way and do the condoms/pill/fh clinic/gp - they are compatible.

GnomeDePlume Sun 18-Sep-11 18:12:33

Talk with her about consequences both for her and the boyfriend. For her: pregnancy, STIs, reputation. For him: her pregnancy, STIs, reputation (he will lose respect), sex offenders register.

Talk with her about contraception. Talk with her about the reliability or otherwise of different methods. Talk with her about myths (you can get pregnant the first time/standing up/without full penetration).

Talk with her about relationships, about respect, about being sure this is the right person rather than the right time.

Talk with her about honesty, about telling you where she is.

Talk and talk and talk. My DD is now 16 so I know where you are.

An excellent place to talk is in the car as there is no eye contact.

dontwotzme Sun 18-Sep-11 18:13:03

I'ver asked her, I told her she'd left herself logged in on my Ipad so that I had read it. She said she didn't sleep over, so for now I am going to trust her. She nows how cross I was about the love bite too.

She said the BF mum wouldn't let her stay overnight anyway, nor would DD want to.

Thanks for replys

GnomeDePlume Sun 18-Sep-11 18:13:30

xposted, I type too slowly

dontwotzme Sun 18-Sep-11 18:15:56

Yes I will have another talk later about sex, if the relationship continues.
It's bloody hard to talk to them when they're never home! But I will try.

MrsRobertDuvall Sun 18-Sep-11 18:38:03

Love the no eye contact bit smile

Oh life is such fun with teenagers.

Talker2010 Sun 18-Sep-11 22:12:51

Would she let you have a conversation with the boyfriend's mother

If she is telling the truth and the mother has taken a sensible stance then this may reassure you

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