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DS, 15, and the blame game

(5 Posts)
RoseWei Sat 17-Sep-11 21:31:34

Read an earlier thread about a DS, 14, who is (maybe by now, was?!) rude, disobedient, generally very, very difficult. The OP was assured that this was normal behaviour. I have a similar problem right now - and as I write this, honestly, I'm crying and feeling desperately unhappy.

My DS, 15, was lively, chatty, and sociable. Until a year or so ago. Big brother problems haven't helped - but that said, we give him as happy and fulfilled life as we possibly can. However, DS rarely goes out, apart from to school. Glued to the x-box/computer/i-pod. This evening, an outburst from hell. I gently asked him why he'd spend the day indoors (again) and he told me that it was always my fault.

That when he comes home from school, for example, I tell him off about not joining clubs, not going outside and so ... he doesn't. When I remonstrated, saying this was so wrong, he became very angry and said "Shut the f... up".
An impasse. DH barely intervened - a wonderful DH in many respects but rarely backs me when DS is being particularly unpleasant and it's always me that's the target of his anger/frustration etc (it's usually mums, isn't it?)

I gently encourage DS to get out, to think about joining the odd thing, to do stuff after school. Also to study (year 11) and get a balance. And to get the whole x-box thing in perspective. I know I should apply stricter sanctions - control it more. Believe me, after tonight, I am going to. It's clear now to me that he has decided that I can be blamed for his present lifestyle. He must know it's not good for him - he gets stomach cramps, is very pale, spotty and behind with school work.

I feel right now that I can't do a thing right. Feel wretched - his words and outbursts have had that effect. Middle DS is off to Uni for the first time next weekend and we'll all miss him - DS, 15, will and this have something to do with his moods. But it can't be right that he's left me feeling very, very dejected. Oldest DS still a problem, not living here at present, but has caused havoc. Kind words and support for me on that score on another thread.

Oh for a happy, normal family! Any words of support or advice welcome.

Butterflybows Sun 18-Sep-11 17:56:56

I haven't got any useful advice for you, only sympathy!

My 13 year old son can be very rude/vile and it is VERY frustrating when his fathers' doesn't support me re dicipline. Teenagers will use that to their advantage to get away with stuff.

I don't know how normal or acceptable it is for teenagers to take out their anger on their mum? I don't know how we can get them to redirect it in a more appropriate way...

Sorry, I'm not being much help! x

usualsuspect Sun 18-Sep-11 18:01:30

You can't push him to join clubs or go outside though ,nagging him will make him feel like hes not normal and hes bound to be defensive

If hes happy with his own company leave him alone ,I expect hes interacting with his friends on his computer anyway

mycatsaysach Sun 18-Sep-11 18:03:36

they do seem to go through a phase like this for a couple of years before they start going out more.

usualsuspect Sun 18-Sep-11 18:06:00

My DS was the same at 15 ,now hes older he does go out more ,he would have been horrified if I suggested he join a afterschool club at 15

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