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any tips on teenagers with a problem with authority?

(9 Posts)
Mamateur Wed 14-Sep-11 14:24:27

DN (who has lived with us for 12 months) is disrespectful to his teachers. After only 3 days back and him vowing he has left all last year's bad behaviour behind him we have had a report today that he was very rude to a teacher. He is 13.

The consequence is 48 hours powercut (no computer or tv) which will hurt quite a bit, but why does he do it?

I would love to be able to show him how we all have to accept authority and treat others with respect. I didn't bring him up, I imagine this needs instilling from an early age. I know his granny (who brought him up from 8 months) always treated him as special, vulnerable and requiring special treatment which he has milked for all its worth.

Does anyone have any ideas on how I could make this situation better apart from just imposing ever stricter sanctions?

noddyholder Wed 14-Sep-11 14:42:23

Stick with the sanctions no matter how hard it is. Giving in is what they love and stay united with your dh/dp as that has got us through some rough times. Have you tried rewarding and praising the good times?

Mamateur Wed 14-Sep-11 14:51:47

We will definitely stick to it. I'm very excited about not being subject to big brother for 2 days grin.

noddyholder Wed 14-Sep-11 14:52:54


SecretSquirrels Wed 14-Sep-11 15:54:26

I've followed some of your threads.
Starting to tackle bad behaviour that has gone unchecked is hard with a 6 year old, harder with a 10 year old and even more at 13.
You started late with him. If he had been with you all his life and subject to your values and discipline he would be a different child now.
Stick with it, you are doing a good job.

Mamateur Wed 14-Sep-11 20:12:01

Thanks Squirrels. Well, we had a talk with him and told him about losing his computer and no tv. He cried and sulked then came to talk to us, was all full of promises, homework ostentatiously done on the kitchen table, asked to bath baby and put him to bed then asked for his computer back early. He was most put out when I said the punishment stood grin. Then we had the whole thing all over again when he realised he was missing Waterloo Road grin.

fargate Thu 15-Sep-11 03:42:48

I'm a bit reluctant to post, again tbh- as previously you haven't acknowledged my advice.

You're doing all the right things to help him. Believe in yourself. He's making good progress.

Set-backs/back-sliding, at the beginning of term, happen. And are common with all children.

It takes time and persistence - no instant rewards Im afraid. Just keep on persevering.

Stop dwelling on his grandmothers failures - she did her best under dreadful circumstances. Being critical of her won't help your relationship with DN.

Try and put yourself in DNs position. How would you feel/behave?

Good luck. You'll both get there.

Mamateur Thu 15-Sep-11 11:00:50

Fargate I'm very sorry if I haven't acknowledged your advice in the past - it wasn't my intention at all. I'm afraid I usually post here mid-drama and so less focused than I could be. I do accept your point about giving granny a break, although it's hard as she just carries on interfering. She is seeking help though, and has a CAHMS appointment to talk through the way she relates to DN. I'm going to go with her on some appointments to give my perspective. I can put myself in DN's shoes in some ways, trying to fit in at school and keep out of trouble with us, but I find it hard to work out why he would continually be so rude to teachers at school, because if I'd done that at his age the comeback from school and my parents would have been huge. It all bounces off him, if you see what I mean.

fargate Thu 15-Sep-11 13:31:58

Apologies, too, for being grumpy. Hopefully, the meetings at CAMHS will help improve matters with granny.

I imagine that the cheeky behaviour in school doesn't get any where near the same response that it would have done when you were at school. It was one of the 'big events' of my schooling the one occassion a pupil swore at a teacher !! It was talked about for years afterwards. I should imagine it happens most days/weeks now depending on the school.

Good luck. It's relentless.

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