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moody 15yr old girl

(10 Posts)
jennielongstocking Mon 12-Sep-11 18:31:13

I am in serious need of some advice. My DD is 15 & has just been grounded for lying about whereabouts she spent the night....on two separate occasions. I don't think I am being unreasonable by grounding her, she cannot see what the problem is & is refusing to speak me, gives me filthy looks & is full of anger all of the time. She wants to move out. She says horrid things like 'why don't you just die'. sad DH is trying to be on my side but just wants a quiet household. My youngest has just changed schools & is trying to settle & adjust to the workload of secondary education. Any advise on how to survive these awful years....

dontwotzme Mon 12-Sep-11 21:26:30

It's not easy, none of it is. You will be feeling frustrated and upset, so talk to her when you are calmer. Don't allow the teen tantrums to upset your younger child and spend some one to one time with your youngest. Your 15 yr old needs to understand it's no all about her needs and wants. So go out yourself, see your firends and remember you have a life outside of the teen traumas. It will make you feel better and remind the rest of the family you are not there just to keep the peace.
I have a 15 yr old and ATM I would gladly let her live in a tent in the garden right now I'm that fed up with her,

jennielongstocking Mon 12-Sep-11 21:37:08

Thanks for that advice. DD1 ran off this evening...eventually was found by inlaws after a while. This behaviour is just so draining & affects more people than she thinks. She is in her room now but I don't feel the time is calm enough for a chat. She did have a chat with grandmother so that may be enough for tonight.
once again.. thanks for your reply.

IloveJudgeJudy Mon 12-Sep-11 22:33:32

I completely sympathise. I have a 14 yo, nearly 15 yo DD and she can be so nasty a lot of the time. She also says the same kind of things as your DD. She changes mood at the flick of a switch. We might as a family be discussing stuff, with her joining in, then someone will say something that she thinks she doesn't like, no particular word that I can work out, and she strops off, holes herself up in her (stinking) room and that's that for ages.

We had my DB, SIL and nephew round on Saturday for DS1's bday. She was so rude; she just got up from the table after dinner and went upstairs. Sometimes I cannot believe she's mine. I definitely was not like this when I was her age so I don't know how to deal with it, either.

dontwotzme Mon 12-Sep-11 23:06:34

Where was she found? I think you have done the right thing. Can you both stay at home tomorrow (you and her) and talk while there is no-one else around? Tell her you love her but dislike what she is doing and even though you may want to get cross (and say a few home truths to her) try to keep as calm as possible, if she pushes too hard, take a breath and tell her you will always be there for her, whatever she does or says and walk away and catch your breath before you say something you'll regret. It's so easy to want to retaliate, but by not doing so you are showing her you are in control. Tell her she has to take responsibility for her own happiness, that is what being an adult is about and if she wants to be an adult to start acting like one. That when she is wrong not be feel like the victim by passing the blame back on to you ( I want to run away because I hate my life here) well ask what she is going to do to make it better, becuse it can.t be all your fault or else everyone one would want to leave. I hope any of this helps. Sometimes I just ask my dd to talk and promise I won't say a thing at all unless she asks me something.

jennielongstocking Tue 13-Sep-11 15:52:13

She was found by grandparents in the next village but she had not walked directly to it, choosing to take 'back' roads rather than main roads. Think she may have been on the way to see them but we had a fairly large search party out looking for her..10+!
Anyway it may have backfired on her because grandparents took control on the lecture so that she could see how upset she was making everyone feel. She is still giving the 'looks' & the silent treatment to me.
I have also spoken to a teacher at her school so they are aware of any changes in her.
Its good to know that I am not alone so thanks guys for your time & advice.

alice15 Tue 13-Sep-11 16:44:41

I think you may be very wise to let the grandparents' lecture stand on its own this time. She can make you into enemy number one in her mind, but it's harder to alienate herself from everyone, and I am sure the grandparents will have put their point across. It's so horrible, I do sympathise, and agree that to keep sane by carving yourself out some me time is really important. Try not to take it personally any more than you can help - she is attacking you because you are safe, she knows you won't abandon her and so she can explode without you rejecting her. They do come out the other end. My DD had me in tears all the time at 15; she's 17 next month and our relationship has transformed in the last six months; there is hope. Good luck.

jennielongstocking Tue 13-Sep-11 20:17:02

alice 15. Thanks for your advice. 2 years until she is 17, eeeek. I am liking the idea of 'me time' though.

fargate Thu 15-Sep-11 04:07:06

Is DDs change of behaviour so sudden?

It sounds like it from what you have said.

If so, I'd be very worried that there's maybe something she's not been able to tell you, yet.

Keep her close by. She'll tell you, hopefully.

jennielongstocking Thu 15-Sep-11 21:39:27

Thanks fargate.
DD has always had her monthly moods, she just seems very 'anti mum' at the moment. It is driving a wedge between DH & me, as in my eyes he is letting her walk all over him. Thats probably why she is anti I am not letting her do that to me. It is very hard & there is an atmosphere in the household.

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