further to my last post re 14 year olds and sex...she now wants him to come round whilst we are in, and to spend all afternoon (!) in her room with him revising(!) not brill day cos it's the day her dad comes back from USA ..but nothing seems to matter except seeing the boyfriend...and she caused a row about it the minute her elder sis came thru door after being away on holiday for a week. Am so upset and cross with her..talk about ruining family, and my, life
This is not an unusual request, I recommend laying down the ground rules in advance. Door wide open at all times and you need to keep popping in unannounced to find something/ put away laundry/etc. Family life with teens is not the same but can still be fun.
Don't want to sound harsh, but you need to stop thinking of her as a little girl who will fit in with whatever you and her dad are up to. It's not unusual for a 14 year old to want to spend time with a boyfriend, and you need to let her have some privacy, too - you don't have to keep 'popping in', you will have a general idea of what is going on from what you can hear. A novel idea: trust her to do waht she tells you she is doing...
She caused a row? Or there was a row because of your reaction to a reasonable request?
I can be psycho bitch mother from Hell with the best of them (hmmm - name change?) but this seems reasonable to me.
My DD is 15 and her boyfriend is now upstairs in her room. They normally meet up outside but it's raining and they're here. At least here I know what they're up to.
I laid the ground rules yesterday about boys in her room (I must be psycic!) and told her door open (although it's not wide open, I can hear their voices). I walked up and downstairs a couple of times.
You have to trust them at some point. Think about it, they could go elsewhere and have sex and you wouldn't know about it. If they lose your trust then they'll start sneaking about. I know I did.