DD rebelling on punishments

[wearymum73]

I have a DD, she is 15..soon to be 16, who has started stealing from me, took me a while to confirm it..but when she was confronted she admitted to it.
I said that she had to repay the debt....she could do house chores to earn the money..or wait 2 months and have her phone blocked for this time. to repay the amount she stole.
She refused to do any house chores...she had not done any for 4 months...so she hasn't had any allowance at all sine then.
To help me out her dd had her for a while..she came back yesterday after 10 days and it was calm for 3 hours.
I said as school was restarting today she needed to go to sleep at a reasonable hour..no more late nights....she retaliated telling me i can't control her..and as i had stolen her phone..she would take mine.
She stormed out of the room with my iphone..and i can not get it back....
I'm at a total loss in how to deal with her..she will not see that she has been dealt a punishment and has stolen something else from me...and i don't know how to take back control.
Please any help would help me..ty

[HattiFattner]

I think its time for tough love....

cut her allowance permanently. No more phone money/contracts. Tell her to get a job. Maybe give her phone back with a new PAYG sim card with £10 on it. Once its gone, she has to get a job to top it up.

Its amazing how that can focus the mind.

Id be tempted to leave her to it - as you "cannot control her"...OK then.....no more wake up calls in the morning. No more "can you buy me X" or "Can you take me to Y". Christmas and birthday presents minimal, as you will be taking money off planned expenditure to repay debt. No more clothing allowance. No more bus fares. No more laundry.

Basically, remove all privileges. All she gets is a roof over her head and food in her belly. Everything else she works for.

I think once this is spelled out to her and she has had a couple of days sulking (and not getting up in time for school) she may start to come round to your way of thinking. And do her chores.

[NorksAreMessy]

Do you know why she is stealing and why she is so angry?
Teenage rebellion is normal, but this is not just that, so seems to be deliberately out to get at you.
What else is happening in her life?

[NorksAreMessy]

You can't control her, she's right, but you can control how you deal with her.
Whatever you do, try to do it from the position that you love her. Even though she is a massive PITA!
Generally behavior this bad is a cry for some sort of help

[wearymum73]

I have no idea why she is so angry, its been getting worse for months, she stopped going to school before the summer, never turned up for any exams.
I have tried talking to her, my friends have also...i've suggested couunilling but she won't go.

My biggest problem is the fact that she has taken my iphone and will not return it...i've tried saying i will give her phone back if she returns it....but she has said that she doesn't want it anymore. I'm have had it disonnected, but i am worried she is going to sell it for more money.

What do you do..report them to the police for theft??

[NorksAreMessy]

Now, I don't want to freak you out, but is there any chance she is taking drugs of some sort? This would explain irrational behaviour, lethargy and taking your phone, stealing from you.

Sorry if that is completely impossible, but from the outside it looks a bit like it.

[Tortington]

id phone the police and report my phone stolen


also if she wants a phone - she pays for it non?

not in chores

she buys it - or its yours to loan her

she pays for the minutes and texts - or you do and she pays you back in kind/chores

cancel your iphone this second


i tell you what, id be cancelling everything, there would be no internet, no sky/virgin

[niceguy2]

Is the phone insured? The moment you report it stolen, the phone will get locked and it will be effectively a brick.

Even if you get it back later, I don't think they will reactivate it.

Other than that I have no advice. My DD who is slightly younger is driving me nuts over a really petty issue so if I cant handle that, I don't think I have any rights to even start to try and advise on this one.

[wearymum73]

I've already phoned my phone company and got it blocked, explained the situation, they have sid i can unlock it when i get it back. No its not insured (i know..expensive phone it should be), maybe on the houe hold insurnace?

She could eb doing srugs, but she never leaves the house, we live in a village, school friends live miles away.

He dad pays for the phone, and she has to earn anyother money by doing chores, but shes not done any for 4 months!! Maybe that is why she is stealing...but i will not back down, as she has to learn that you need to do things in life to get something.

she is just so stubborn, shes lost the internet, ipod, money, hair straighteners...nothing is making her want to do anything :-(