Arghh ..getting 18 yr old son motivated..(9 Posts)
I love my son I really do... but..
He finished school in July (18..did a Media Btec..passed it respectably..no idea what to do next). He has worked p/t at Domino's Pizza for nearly two years but it's only an evening job with no prospect of full time...so he has to find a full time job.
He could go to Uni with his Btec grades but he is not interested and realistically is not right for uni.. he is hopeless with money, severely dyslexic and doesn't have a plan. That's ok.. he is a kind, funny, generous guy and I know he will find his own path eventually. BUT in the meantime he needs a full time job!
He means well but he is so bloody dopey. Hopeless at filling out applications as his spelling is awful and he doesn't always remember to ask one of us to check. I allowed him the summer 'off' looking as we were on holiday and then he went to Reading but now he needs to get his butt in gear and it is so frustrating!
He honestly seems to think some great job is going to 'just happen' and I can't get through to him that vaguely looking.. then half the time failing to apply, isn;t going to work!
I'm grateful he has held his p/t job, don't get me wrong, but now we need him to help out financially ( he is one of 4 ..others in school/uni) and he needs to be an adult.
Just a whine really. He is a lovely boy, kind, caring and fab to his sister and brothers, I just wish he had more get up and go!
He sounds a great young man. Frustrating I know but he'll get there eventually. He does at least have a job which a lot I'd 18 year olds haven't, DD2 was hopeless with money at 18 and quite immature. She is now 21 and about to go into her 3rd year at uni. She's surprised us by being a lit better with her money than we though she would and has worked almost full time at a theme park all summer.
OK, his job now is to find a job I guess...So I'd be kicking him out of bed at a reasonable hour and making sure that at least half a day he does something to look for work. Chat through strategies with him- got to conexions, polish CV etc. He has a great advantage over many teens- he has a good employment record - he has turned up at Dominos and done a job regularly for 2yrs which is brilliant.He may even need to dress smart and go round the local shops/businesses with a polite patter and try to sell himself.
Good luck to him! If I was looking to employ then his work history would speak volumes to me.
If i were you i would now sit down with him and say that as he is now out of full time education he has to act and behave like an adult which means contributing to the household so from now take 1/3rd of his income as housekeeping.
Then, if he is only working part time, he has to step up and take on most of the household chores etc whilst the rest of the family are either in full time education or full time work. If you are all full time then i would say he needs to do at least 80-90% of all the household stuff... That might motivate him to get his arse into motion...
does he want a media job? could he tout himself round local papers/radio etc to get unpaid work experience? if he could get something like that & work hard & they liked him, it might lead to something (& then his dyslexia re forms etc wouldn't matter)
good luck anyway, he does sound lovely
And he's got a lovely and helpful mum who's on his side !
( but have to say this strikes a chill in my spine .Could easily be my DS . So recognise the lovely personality but rather dopey dream like world he inhabits . Must have some get and go to have managed Reading ! )
Sounds just like my 18 yo who is driving me mad!!!
I have even ended up applying for jobs on his behalf - Must have done ok as he is at an interview this afternoon.
No motivation, I have suggested everything that others have, and have dropped him off in the next town in a suit with his CV's and made him go into every establishment.
I got so fed up last week I said he had to leave home.
His part time job ends next week as its seasonal and I am refusing to give him a penny so that might motivate him a bit
Glad it's not just mine
He really is a nice enough lad, but just doesn't have much oomph!
Today however he has managed to get a bit more work.. sadly not a full time job but one working in an after school club for disabled children ( he has a disabled sibling and bags of experience) so he is going to try and juggle his current hours at Dominos to mix and match. It's literally only a few hours a week..BUT all day in the holidays and hopefully will give him a foot in the door for TA work as he loves working with kids .
Small steps... but hopeful!
Yep, same problem here! Bright, intelligent, witty, but not PROACTIVE! He is not confident in social situations; O.K. with people he knows but got the sack from a shop for not doing the hard sell. I need him to contribute to the household income; I take £20 a week out of his dole money, which frankly is not enough, I'm struggling to pay the rent, but his girlfriend thinks it's awful that I take anything at all off him, as she earns about £100 a week during the holidays and her parents don't take a penny off her.
He looks on line for work, but won't put on smart clothes and go and knock on doors and sell himself, which is what I did. I tell him it's no good just waiting for people to advertise, you need to get in there first. Or am I wrong?
I know it's always been hard when you get stuck in that "can't get a job without experience, can't get the experience without a job" situation, and it does seem even worse now than when I was a teenager. I signed him up for WOOFING to get some experience and skills, but he won't go anywhere without his girlfriend. I worry how he is going to cope when she goes off to uni...
Oops, I think I've hijacked the thread with my own woes, sorry.
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