Should I worry about 12 year old son and friend masterbating together?

[KathleensDaughter]

We were camping last weekend and my son and his friend, both 12, were whispering frantically during the night when I woke up, I then caught the gist of the conversation and what was going on. I presume (hope!) each was pleasuring himself at the same time and not doing something to each other.

Do I a) ignore it as a healthy, natural thing for two boys to do as they discover their sexuality?
or
b) tell my son it's fine to do it, but it's something he should really do on his own in private in future.

I'm worried that if this gets out then he will be teased and his life will be a misery.

Thanks in advance for any advice.

[breaktime73]

definitely a)

if you do b) he will ignore you anyway. It's all very normal.

[Sausagesarenottheonlyfruit]

Have you considered the possibility they are not simply "friends"? Fgs dont let him know you heard, unless you have reason to believe there's some coercion from either party.

[ChaosTrulyReigns]

2 threads?

[thisisyesterday]

i would have a general talk about stuff like that, not mentioning the specific incident and say that it's fine to masturbate but it is something that's private.

i am not sure whether masturbating together at 12 falls within the remit of natural exploration or not tbh

[KathleensDaughter]

yes, two threads.. sorry, first time posting, didn't know it was such a crime, the abuse I've got on the AIBU for it!! Thanks to those for serious replies, I genuinally am upset about this and not sure of best way to approach it.

[Talker2010]

You really do not need to worry ... normal ... they were probably racing ... I would say nothing tbh

[WhoseGotMyEyebrows]

I read the other thread as well. I had no idea this was so common. So many people have said how normal it is . . . bit eewww though!

[Butterflybows]

Talker2010; '...they were probably racing...' LOL

[thisisyesterday]

is it really, actually that common?
to masturbate together and watch each other?
i asked dp and he seemed rather unsure!!!

[tb]

According to my 13 year old dd, who is weekly boarder in her college (in France), all the boys in the boys' section of the internat do this, resulting in some rather disgusting stains on the carpets. They apparently run round doing this.

Yuck!

[higgle]

Yep, perfectly normal. I know the grammar school boys ( I was a high school girl) used to do this - on the "racing" baisis when I was a teenager. Once they get to late teens they tease each other with the story.

[Ormirian]

Normal? Really?



I will look at DS's hours in his room with his best mate 'playing XBox' or 'practising guitar' in a whole different light.

[lovemyboysandbeagles]

I think I am more shocked at the fact that they start so young, I thought it would be about 14-15. I was gutted when DS1 became 13 two weeks ago as he was now a 'teenager', even more gutted now knowing that he is losing all his innocence....can we just rewind a few years????? That may explain why he rushed behind his wardrobe door went I went in his room the other morning, I did say to my DH last night that we need to start knocking and he is asked if that was what he was up to...me being so naive said of course not, he is too young :(

[tostaky]

Def normal, I remember when I was a teenager, I had friends talking about doing it together? as a woman, I really find men have disgusting ideas sometimes? maybe im too prude? oh well, im married with one, have two lovely DSs and expecting a third one? lol cant escape them!!

[Ormirian]

I think it's young too. But then I started my periods later than most of my friends and DS1 seems to be a bit slow developing (as far as I can tell).

I think I am easily shocked. My friends' son has just come back from his first grown-up (I use that word loosely ) holiday in Greece with friends from school. They went on a booze cruise where there as a competition for the girls to see how long they could get the boys (trouserless) to sustain an erection by dancing provocatively in front of them. Now call me a prude of you wish but I was just speechless when she told me. To be fair she was also a bit ...erm..surprised by his revelations.

I guess it's the total disregard for privacy that distressed me - I really don't give a stuff who stuffs what or with whom or where and how many times, but please get a room!

I sometimes don't think I belong in the 21st century.

[TheReturnoftheSmartArse]

Is it really normal? I must ask DH if he ever did this at boarding school - although I'm not sure he'll give me the honest truth.

Oh Lord, I have all this to come with DS. Bleurgh!

[ArmageddonOuttahere]

must have been playing the game

[Nesbo]

Not that unusual. At that age it is more about curiosity than sexual attraction, and making sure what is going on with your body is the same as your friends! I certainly remember that for a while at that age things like having an erection would be openly remarked upon (or demonstrated for general amusement) without any shame, and I do remember one guy who demonstrated how quickly he could make himself come from a cold start (he is an actor now). It doesn't last long, as we got older everyone became rather more private (except for the guys who insisted on flaunting what they had in the communal showers).

Anyway, don't worry about it. I would just ignore it unless it really starts to cause an issue.

[lovemyboysandbeagles]

Ormirian - I'm with you on all points there, I just thinnk I was so much older with everything :(

I have seen some of 'those' holidays on TV and can only hope that my DS's are never interested in them, or that if they are they are extremely careful!!!! That's another bridge to cross in 5 years time (assuming they don't go under 18!)