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Teen trying weed - what do you do

(23 Posts)
50000feet Sat 27-Aug-11 15:18:28

just found out my DD14 has been asking around about wanting weed. What do I do?

fourkids Sat 27-Aug-11 16:03:09

does she smoke cigarettes?

50000feet Sat 27-Aug-11 16:17:09

Yes - for about 6 months. Told her I don't like it and if I ever find cigarettes I would throw them away. I Don't give her much money as I refuse to pay for her smoking (and drinking).

LynetteScavo Sat 27-Aug-11 16:37:50

Make sure she knows all the facts about effects and long term effects.

Point out that it is illegal and you won't be helping her out if she gets into hot water due.

Who is giving her cigarettes anyway?

fourkids Sat 27-Aug-11 16:49:12

What a nightmare for you sad

No advice really...sorry. BUT I might (possibly...not definitely, just a thought) be marginally more worried about the cigarettes than the weed.

You'd definitely rather she wasn't using any of the three substances mentioned...but the two addictive ones, the ones she'll find hardest to kick if she gets hooked, therefore the ones she's most likely to regret exploring ten, twenty, thirty, forty years down the line, are the cigarettes and alcohol. I guess probably the cigarettes first and foremost?

And I think maybe if you don't smoke, you are a bit less likely to smoke other stuff...

Maryz Sat 27-Aug-11 21:09:47

Can you frighten the shite out of her?

ds started smoking dope at the age of 12. By 15 he was out of school, as were three of his mates. Two others were homeless, one was in a secure mental unit, one was dead by suicide sad.

It is not, definitely not, a harmless drug. Taking it causes depression, anxiety, psychotic behaviour, the list goes on. Taking it regularly makes it very difficult to stop. It will affect her behaviour, her sleep patterns, her ability to concentrate and achieve in school.

Don't let anyone tell you "oh I took a few joints and it did me no harm". The stuff they smoke nowadays is very much stronger than the weed that was around 25 years ago.

And don't think that stopping pocket money will stop her. ds didn't pay for any of his for years. He was a runner, a delivery boy and a messenger for the main dealer around her - ironically the father of one of his friends angry.

pickgo Sun 28-Aug-11 10:14:21

God MaryZ, think I'd move if my DS were doing all that. Must have been hell for you. Sympathies.

Re the OP's teen, I'd come down like a ton of bricks about cannabis. Like poster says above, it's not like the stuff we smoked tried 20 odd years ago. It potentially causes so many problems.

My friend is a CPN and says she sees at least one new teen/early 20s patient a week with drug-induced psychosis and it's nearly always from cannabis.

So this is one I'd really react to. Tell your DD it's only for complete losers. I'd also be wondering where she gets it from and do some sniffing around to find out. Then threaten to kill them shop them.

Maryz Sun 28-Aug-11 10:18:04

We could have moved, he wouldn't have come sad. By 13 he was running away and sleeping rough.

We have hung in there, and just recently we are starting to see glimmers of the person he used to be smile. So we just keep on keeping on and hoping.

Interestingly, my ds2 is now 13 and potentially a rebel. But thankfully (and having lived through an awful lot with ds1), he says he will categorically never, ever smoke cigarettes, because he says that almost everyone who starts on dope doesn't mean to. They just are smokers and have a drag of someone's joint while sitting on a garden wall hmm, and that's how it starts.

pickgo Sun 28-Aug-11 10:36:07

Glad you're seeing some glimmers of hope there MZ. And sounds like your younger DS has learnt a lesson or two then [simile]

pickgo Sun 28-Aug-11 10:38:23

* hmmm simile? (as daft as a brush?) smile obviously grin

noteventhebestdrummer Sun 28-Aug-11 10:53:27

I'm afraid that trying to scare my DS only made weed seem more attractive to him because he was sure he knew best and thought he was able to 'manage' the whole thing and not suffer any ill effect. He was wrong and he ended up leaving home and school after some nightmarish months.

He was also immune to emotional arguments and that upset me enormously.

I think if I were the OP I would be much more tough about the cigarettes and let her DD know that I would report her interest in weed to her school. I'd tell her friends parents what I knew. I'd report any weed use to the police. I'd let her know that if her school kicked her out because of drug use then she'd also have to live elsewhere. Not having a phone/computer to use would help prevent easy access but is not foolproof.

pinkchoccy Sun 28-Aug-11 21:31:37

agree with Maryz scare the shit out of her, weed has taken my son also. All fun at 14 when they start, then the temper tantrums, then the psychosis, then the not being able to function the same ever again. My son 21 and not half the lad he was. Weed has ruined his life!!! He has nothing and is going nowhere very dangerous drug. The effects are heart breaking.

fourkids Mon 29-Aug-11 11:56:48

Oooh, you've all scared me now, and I'll worry as much about the (modern day) weed as the cigarettes, should the time come...not that I'm admitting to anything that might or might not have happened 25 years ago!! smile

I'm not sure what I would do if it was me...but a friend of mine rings the school nurse (I think it would be a head of pastoral care or something at my DC's school), for advice when she has behavioural/emotional issues with her DCs, and the school does aseem to give her exellent advice. They do, after all, deal with thousands of teenagers day in day out.

summer111 Mon 29-Aug-11 15:42:17

I would show your dc the posts above - especially those who have posted personal experiences. And I would come down on her like a tonne of bricks. (I too have a 14 yr old dd)

I'm a mental health professional and can vouch for the ill effects which cannabis has on young people's mental health. I find the number of teens/young adults admitted into mental health in-patient units for queried schizophrenia upsetting; many of which began/were exacerbated by smoking dope. The problems are twofold - firstly the drugs that are sold are much stronger than before. Secondly and very importantly is the fact that teenagers brains are still growing and developing. Therefore taking drugs at this age damages a growing brain. (Taking drugs mid life doesn't have this impact as the brain has finished growing).

'Frank' have some great material that you can access online. I know colleagues from our drug and alcohol team visit local schools - why not contact dd's school and suggest that this is something they need to arrange asap. If dd is considering cannabis, you can be sure that she isn't alone in this.

Best of luck.

summer111 Mon 29-Aug-11 15:46:28

here's the link to FRANK:-

http://www.talktofrank.com/article.aspx?id=260

They have a telephone helpline that might be worth calling for advice.

Tyr Mon 29-Aug-11 15:58:31

I can understand why you're concerned but the simple truth is that pretty much anything you do about it will make things worse.
There can't be many teens who don't try it these days and, although a few fall foul of it, the overwhelming majority will come to no harm.
The problem with some of these sites like Frank is that they don't tell kids the whole truth, ie that they will probably enjoy it. By only presenting the possible negative effects, kids will ignore it as many of us ignored our own parents.

pinkchoccy Mon 29-Aug-11 17:20:09

The overwhelming majority do come to harm. Once thay try weed as a teenager there brain doesn't develop beyond that age. They don't mature. My son started at 14, and I thought school would help he was excluded to a unit where the kids there did weed. Things went from bad to worse. Paranoid, steeling, trouble with the police etc etc. No confidence at age 21 to do anything and self worth very low.
He has a friend who has a big habit and cannot function.
Weed is very dangerous.

Tyr Mon 29-Aug-11 17:27:08

Pinkchoccy,

Sorry about your son but you are wrong- the overwhelming majority don't come to any harm any more than they will become alcoholics as a result of a bit of underage drinking.

BecauseImWorthIt Mon 29-Aug-11 17:37:11

Hmm. We have just discovered evidence in DS2's pockets of dope smoking - and I have picked up a couple of references to it on FB, so I'm contemplating what to do next.

DS2 is 16, and I knkow his social group are doing a lot of drinking too - and both of these concern me.

I think I will be doing a stiff talking to, focusing on the illegality of it first. I suspect we may need to monitor just how often he is going out with this crowd. As it's the summer holidays he's out more than he would normally be during term time.

I don't know who is buying either the dope or the alcohol - it certainly won't be DS2 as he looks way too young.

It's difficult to know how to really handle this properly. I'm resigned to the fact that they will want to try these things, but I hate the idea of drug usage, regardless of whether it's illegal, especially at this relatively young age.

OP - I'm not sure what to advise you, other than given her age, you can still stop her going out so much/as often? I may also follow your idea of removing money for a while, so that he can't go out either.

Maryz Mon 29-Aug-11 17:41:01

The overwhelming majority who try weed more than a couple of times do come to harm. I know many, many children (and yes they are children) who are smoking dope on a regular basis. They smoke cannabis like they smoke cigarettes. The vast majority have significant negative affects on their lives - dropping out of school, giving up all their sport and interests, leaving home, depression and mental health issues, right up to psychosis and schitzophrenia.

Of the dozen or so regular smokers in ds's group, only one has remained in school. They are 17 now (the ones who are still alive), and only one is on track to go to college. They would all have been intelligent, reasonably high achievers before this all started.

It's insidious, the affect weed has on them. A couple of drinks on a Saturday night is one thing - the difference with cannabis is that they take it during the day, all day every day. The amount of money they can spend on it is frightening, and it stays in their system for a long time so is hard to give up. Giving up brings feelings of anxiety, depression, psychotic thoughts, extreme anger, lack of ability to sleep. I could go on.

It is far, far from harmless.

And the youth drug intervention team ds has been attending sporadically have told me that it is the biggest single problem they have with teenagers these days. Much bigger than alcohol or cocaine, or even heroin, simply because of the huge numbers involved.

pinkchoccy Tue 30-Aug-11 18:28:35

Tyr you are so wrong. This is a big problem and you obviously had no experience of the devestating effects. It isn't just my son the effects have long taken place as he is now 21. You can't see the immediate effects as a teenager its later. Though it does change their behaviour reasonably quickly.
I know so many people not just my son where weed has had devestating effects, suicide, schizaphrenia, psychosis.
One lad whose mum i know aged 30 is now in a mental hospital after using weed all his life. That is just one case I know of.
My son is very similar to Maryz story and it breaks my heart that I will never have my confident, outgoing, clever, gifted & talented son back sad

50000feet Sun 04-Sep-11 18:05:41

Thanks everyone - it's really hard to try and find an answer to what to do. I confronted her and got the usual - 'it was not for me, I don't do it'. Told her all about drug testing if she gets caught by police and how it stays in the hair and that the police will know. Talked about the dangers but did not labour on it - she normally switches off to lectures. I am getting leaflets to leave about the house and her room. She told her so called friend that I had found out and the girl was really nasty to her so I think the girl being horrible had more effect than me. I gave DD a warning of the consequences if I found out she was doing it - the big one being that i wont pay for her phone any more, which she really does not want to lose. My DD is being assessed with Camhs so at our next appointment I'm going to ask for strategies. If I get any I will share.

festi Sun 04-Sep-11 18:10:02

Tyr you are so very wrong.

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