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HELP!! Cannot cope with 13 yr old son

(11 Posts)
claire1680 Fri 26-Aug-11 11:24:33

I cannot cope any longer with my 13 yr old. I have tried everything but nothing works. He has a temper problem which he admits to and flies in to a rage at the slightest thing, I have tried to look for help with this through CYPS but they just said it is a "teen" phase.
He comes home past his curfew knowing that he won't be allowed out the next day which he says doesn't bother him.
I have to lock his bedroom windows at night after finding out he had been sneaking out after I had gone to bed.
He steals money so I have had to buy a safe to keep my handbag and other things in.
He constantly lies.
He loses his temper very easily if he doesn't get his own way, he has even threatened to hit me before now and usually smashes something up.
I have tried EVERYTHING and nothing is working. His behaviour is usually good for 24-48hrs after his punishment and then goes back to being the same.
I don't know who to contact or ask for help. It is bringing me down and it's not fair on his younger brothers and sister and is starting to cause arguments between his dad and me.
Any help or advice is greatly appreciated.

GnomeDePlume Fri 26-Aug-11 13:33:42

I'm not going to say 'typical teenage behaviour' because I have three at around this age and none behave like this.

Has this behaviour come on suddenly or has he always had temper problems?

What is the atmosphere in your home like? Are you and your DH calm people or is there a lot of noise and commotion normally?

Is your DS getting lots of outdoor running around time? Is he doing something where he can both be highly physical but also needs to discipline himself or face direct consequences? Team sports, cadets etc are options.

What is your son eating/drinking? Is he taking lots of high energy/caffeine drinks?

Lots of questions I'm sorry. Apologies also if they are things you have already covered.

claire1680 Fri 26-Aug-11 16:34:59

DH and myself are normally calm people but the amount of stress DS is causing is turning us the opposite.
DS does boxing which he is doing well in but over the last few weeks hasn't been turning up to training or making excuses because he would rather be out with his mates.
I suppose thinking back he has always had temper problems, as I said I spoke to CYPS about this to try and get him some help but got nothing.
He eats healthily, at home anyway because of his boxing.
As I am writing this DS has packed a bag and gone (he was grounded) he must of sneaked out like he usually does.
I am so close to phoning Social Services because I cannot take anymore.

GnomeDePlume Fri 26-Aug-11 19:31:43

Hi Claire
Do you know where your DS goes? Do you know what he is spending the money on?

I asked DD1 where someone might be going in our town. I dont like to frighten you but here kids are drinking (and getting completely hammered) in the park. On the whole it tends to be DD's age (15) but some younger kids are also joining in. There is a hard core which also sleeps out.

Is it possible that your DS is mixed up with something like this? Sadly in my town it is more common than you would think.

I would also be thinking about substance abuse.

Hopefully someone with better knowledge will be along soon.

backtobitemybot Sun 28-Aug-11 08:38:39

Hi Claire I am in a very similar situation to you and have literally logged on to mums net today for this very problem. Slight diff is my DS doesn't go anywhere and all his aggression is aimed at family members esp older sister and me. I think I could cope with the lies perhaps even going for a cider in park but its the anger. I wondered if temper always there and we found old video of him throwing a tantrum about 7, we laughed at it then but at 15 its terrifying. BTW school contacted ss for instances of temper and inappropriate behaviour and he had a 6 week counselling course at the end of which ss reported to myself and school what a charming, articulate young man he was.
I hope after the bank holiday someone can advise on this thread but Claire, you're not alone.brew

pomegranate1975 Mon 29-Aug-11 13:59:53

my 13 year old is the same.

CrosswordAddict Mon 29-Aug-11 17:21:19

Claire I don't want to upset you but ... stealing money from home is a pointer towards either substance abuse or being bullied. Either way you need to get some professional help and fairly quickly. Temper tantrums are scary in a teenager who is bigger than you. Try to stay calm but make an early appointment with GP and make your concerns known to him/her. Sooner your son gets help the better. Hope it works out smile

pinkchoccy Mon 29-Aug-11 17:23:01

this is how my son acted and he was taking weed.

happygolucky0 Mon 29-Aug-11 18:13:50


Sorry to hear that things are this way for you. Teens can be a pain to live with sometimes. Children just like adults like to have things. Does he have ways of earning money around the home so he gets some money. Does he have pocket money of his own each week?
I know boxing is properly good for him to keep fit but could this be where he is learning such aggressive behaviour? What are his friends like who he is with when he goes out?
Have you asked him why he is so upset with his family? Is it possible to teach him or other family members to go out for a walk when they are angry. Then discuss the problem when they are calmer?
It seems that all the help out there is geared towards helping with under 5s but not enough for parents with teens. Hope things get better soon.

CrosswordAddict Mon 29-Aug-11 18:26:18

OP So your son is out tonight on the loose with a bag packed? Think you should get in touch with Social Services? Maybe the Police? Has he been out overnight before? Where does he usually hang out? He's only young so I think you need to act first rather than worry later. sad

claire1680 Wed 31-Aug-11 13:48:59

Hi, Thank you for all your advice DS came home that night at 10:45pm like nothing had happened! I have phoned GP and have got an appointment for this friday.
Boxing hasn't caused his aggression as he has always had a bad temper from an early age. I have wondered myself about substance abuse but hopefully GP can help me and I agree Happygolucky not enough help out thre with teens.
Thank you again for all your advice , nice to know I am not alone xx

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