How are your 12 & 13yos spending the summer?(15 Posts)
Just, what are they doing with their time? Am mining for ideas for DS1 in 2012 & 2013.
Have been reading this thread but can see almost none of it working for DS1 (long explanations omitted).
DS's solution to "I'm bored" tends to be tormenting younger siblings, so it's hard to just ignore & leave him to find his own way. Short of shipping all the other DC off to structured activities, am trying to figure out how I'll need to help DS fill his summer 2012 time to keep the house peaceful.
At the skate park, doing stunts on his scooter outside the house, looking at people doing scooter stunts on youtube filming himself and others doing stunts on scooters, reading great tombs...the bigger and duller looking the better and more time at the skate park. (Oh and there was a week of the Moshi Monsters phase)
He has hasn't complained of being bored once.
I have not seen ds 12 all holiday.
I ask every evening " what are your plans" and he tells me what he has organised for the next day.
Meeting up with friends, playing football/cricket..we have a big outdoor tabketennis table so that brings friends round.
Swimming, he's off to Chessington on the bus tomorrow.
I reckon he's cost me about £80 all holiday.
I AMA great believer in not organising for them at this age.....they need to be independent. MrsRObertDuvall is not a taxi service.
Sitting on his bed watching crap on you tube, moaning and teasing his sister.
Hmm, not sure that helps you does it?
I guess DS big problem is he doesn't have many friends.
Then again, I'm reading the "My 14yo never eats, washes or goes out" thread, and there seem to be a lot of kids who don't do much in hols.
DS only has one friend, from school.
Everybody else are just people he hangs around with, neighbors, my friends DC if they come round, random people at the skate park.
DS got beaten up last year at skate park. <<Grim smiley>>
Occasionally gets the chance to hang with neighbourhood kids but doesn't really gel with them, some of them bullied him in the past, too.
It's complicated... (sigh).
I hear bad things about skate parks. I think they do a lot to improve social skills though.
There is a skate park near us which is deserted. I won't let DS go there though; I'd rather he went to the one in town with loads of kids, some who smoke, some who "borrow" his scooter for a long time, because I know if he gets badly hurt they will look after him.
What you have to remember is that once they start secondary the holidays are holidays, time for them to relax and do nothing if that is what they want.
But he can't be allowed to make your life miserable, so I would talk to him at the end of these holidays and tell him that you will be watching his behaviour during the shorter holidays, and what he does in the summer will depend on how well he copes with doing nothing in those holidays. So he can stay home and veg as long as he doesn't moan, complain of being bored, or wind up the younger ones.
What he really needs is a summer sport - would he enjoy canoeing/cricket/sailing/rowing? It's cheaper to be in a club rather than doing a week-long "summer camp".
Could he go away? I'm in Ireland where we ship them off to the Gaeltacht for three weeks (but then our holidays are 13 weeks, so a lot to fill). dd and ds2 also have to cook a meal a week, and do occasional jobs around the house, but basically both have done nothing (and enjoyed it).
He's not a "joiner", MaryZ, gets bored of clubs after the 2nd or 3rd session. He does one summers-only odd weekend-morning club (far away), friends from that all live far away too. I have a preschooler (and 2 other primary age children) to look after, so I can't ad hoc go off with him canoeing, iyswim. He could do surfing locally for free, so maybe I'll twist his arm to do that one. Other stuff is far away/expensive/he's not keen (hard to expend money & lots of time when they're not keen!!).
He does like cooking, though, so that's a good idea. Most the organised activity sessions around here run thru 12yo, but he's increasingly aware of being the oldest one there and doesn't want to be an oddball.
Joining to make friends or learn something - scouts, footie, drama, computers, skills
Voluntary work - outside, cooking
Jobs for money - carwashing, garden rubbish clearing, pet sitting, dog walking - have to show willing
Finding like minded friends - Facebook, computer games, make their own pizzas
Pack him off alone to help with specific useful job like decorating, garden clearance, for relatives/your friends (to work on social skills, potential cash earning)
He has to organise - eg first bus trip day out with friend, micromanaged
Changed my tune, gently - 'you don't want mummy sorting out your life forever' 'you need to find things you like, not me', 'sometimes we have to make the effort to organise stuff for friends to do', 'just try it, if you don't like it it's up to you but you've got to realise you've turned down an opportunity', 'if I've paid for this you can bloomin' well see it through', 'try earning some cash, that'll make you feel better, the world doesn't owe you a living you know'.
You're supervising everything from a safe distance.
New angle - girls - happy to hang out with withdrawn pleasant boys, computer games, cooking, teach social skills, jolly along. Yobbish school 'friends' are gutted this age that he has female friends, ha.
DCs made it to 14yo eventually and the above happened OK, big changes, phew. Good luck.
They are all different. When DS1 was 13 he was going out with friends to cinema, park, sleepovers etc. We live in a village with no public transport so there is much planning and driving involved but I don't mind.
DS2 now 13 has not met up with a single friend all holiday in spite of all my efforts. He is happy to do family stuff and seems content though.
My almost-12yo has spent the summer doing the following: X-Box, bike rides and swimming with mate next door, football coaching course, holiday club, hanging out at skatepark, a week of PGL activity holiday, annoying his sisters..... I do lay on a few days of entertainment (e.g. we went bowling today), but apart from that it's up to him.
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