I'm Going Absolutely Mental!

[littlemum007]

Please will someone advise me. I am at my wits end. My 13 1/2 year old boy just won't get off his arse and do anything!! This is the worst summer holidays ever. In the past he's gone to PGL and other places (at least it brakes up the summer) but this year he doesn't want to do anything. He spends the WHOLE day on a screen of some sort be it playstation, computer. He doesn't even go out, not even to the shops. Instead, he hangs around in his pyjamas ALL DAY WITHOUT EVEN WASHING or brushing his teeth. He's doing my head in and I really really cannot cope. If he was an adult he be called depressed but because he's 13 it's "puberty". My brother wasn't like this and neither was I.
If I had to stay in all day I'd be bored to death.... he just says he hasn't got anyone to go out with and all my suggestions about coming out with me to English Heritage or cinema falls on deaf ears. He is totally driving me to drink. I am so frustrated. This surely isn't normal. If it is then I am about to throw in the towel and leave with one suitcase.

[Tortington]

he can only do this becuae you let him

unplug the fucking things and put them in the boot of your car and lock it

or take to a friends house


heres a revelation

tell him that tomorrow is unplug day and this is how it works

you get 2 hours screen time - then you have to go out with a friend or do something else.

if you get any gobby shit from him about this

the games system gets gone

and MEAN IT

POINTLESS SAYING ANY OF THIS UNLESS YPOU MEAN IT

[littlemum007]

Thanks custardo, you are right but he gives me so much lip now. I can't exactly pick him up off the chair (he's taller than me) he'll just start an argument and I just get lost for words or action.

[ComeWhineWithMe]

You can't pick him up but you can pick the console up and remove it.

[Tortington]

i took a pair of scissors went upstairs and cut the plugs of everything - ds was about 14 /15 at the time.

i'm all for rational discussion - so i had one of those and was ignored.

so i followed through on my threat

[littlemum007]

I can't even send him to his room. He just refuses to go. I even begrudge cooking for him now - he never takes his plate and asking him to help wash up is treated like an insult to him.... honest to god - I wish I could force him into the CCF or something..... I think the lack of a father is starting to show and I'm just about ready to walk out.

[littlemum007]

custardo that sounds about where I'm at right now.... you're making me laugh

[littlemum007]

I've threatened to sledge hammer the playstation

[littlemum007]

Thanks ComeWHine and what of the TV?

[littlemum007]

unfortunately he can't do combined cadet force until he's 14 - I'll be first in line

[Tortington]

seriously - the power is yours y;know. he wants your attention as much as you want your little boy back.

the teenage years are about finding that connection again - about loving your child - as your child becomes an adult.

sometimes youhave to let lots of things go - things that you wouldn't have done when they were 9 years old for instance - and you do it becuase you know there is a bigger battle looming - and your choosing your battles - and that is absolutley fine.


i suggest in first instance sitting down and aksing him - ask him - what chores he is willing to do. write it up and stick on kitchen door or fridge.

ask him - ask him - what sanctions you should give him for not doing these chores.

ask him HIM

WRITE IT ALL DOWN STICK IT ON WALL

then when he ignores it - cos he will, refer to it and impose sanctions


its nothing to do with being a single parent. teenagers are literally the best and the worst

[HattiFattner]

littlemum, only make threats you are willing to carry out.

Id agree that sooner or later he will get off his bum to eat/wee etc. AT that point, collect up the consoles etc and also the TV remote and put them away. DOnt even give him the option of 2 hours screen time. They are gone to him for a couple of days. Be very specific about whats gone.....otherwise he will nick your laptop/phone/whatever just to get his fix. Swtch off the modem too.

Tell him you might consider letting him have the console back after the weekend if a) he has bathed b) he has dressed himself, c) he has cleaned his room and the cleared and washed the dishes. d) he has gone out for several hours......mind you, he will probably just head off to a friend with a playstation....

we have a rule in our house that TV/PC/games get switched off at 10am. They dont go back on til 5pm. In between, kids go out and do kid stuff.

[brehon]

If you cut or take the plugs off he might go mental. I have a friend who had a stroke of genius and took the fuses out of the plug. What 13 year old would think to look there!

[happygolucky0]

I switch it off at the mains if my ds gets too annoying with his sitting around. Just let him know who is the boss and pays the bills!!
I know how you are feeling though I am single mum with a almost 14 yr old. Its hard work. I am quite lucky in that my son has started being the oppoisite and wants to go to a play club that is a few miles away everyday. He loves it so much that he wants to be a volunteer there. Is there anything that he is interested in that he could help out at locally? If you have the time/ money how about camping together doesnt have to be far or for long to try and break the routine of electric stuff. Or invite family/ friends for a sleep over.I also have joined the gym with my son that seems to help alot takes abit of effort to get him there but does help with the mood swings abit. Also got bikes that we go out on together.... just trying to give you some ideas to keep you sane!!!

[serin]

Aw, it's his holidays. I used to read all day in my jimjams at his age and I still got a good degree!

They are growing and need to loll about during the hols don't they?

DH is just the same and he's a teacher!

At least you know where he is.

[thenightsky]

what custy says