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I have just told my 10 year old that maybe he should go and live with his dad

(4 Posts)
EternalPie Fri 12-Aug-11 22:20:50

Because at this very moment, I don't want to live with him anymore

He's nasty, rude, ignorent, violent - earlier he shouted "you fucking wanker" at the top of his voice in the garden whilst the neighbours were outside. He's constantly telling his brother to piss off or fuck off depending on his mood. His favourite words are faggit, gayboy, retard, dickhead etc

Yesterday he got sent to bed early for swearing. He sat defiant on the living room floor saying "make me" when told to go to bed. He then started saying "what you gonna do? you can't make me do anything, I'm going to sit here all night". This particular day I'd spent around £40 on him on a day out as a treat. I got so angry with him I shouted at him to get out of my sight. Tonight has been the same, sent to bed early for swearing so he's just been down here throwing my papers around and basically being horrible. I've just told him he should maybe think about living with his dad. He thinks I don't mean it but to be honest, I really do

kittensliveupstairs Sat 13-Aug-11 06:44:04

Horrible, poor you. What sort of relationship does he have with his dad? Does he take you seriously when you threaten it and, crucially, would his dad have him? Threats are all well and good, but if dad isn't in a postion or prepared to have him, your DS wil know that.
10YOs can be coniving little sods. Me and DD are currently alone while DH is away for another year. He will be coming back at weekends, but she knows I can't send her to him so plays me up dreadfully.

LoveMyGirls Sat 13-Aug-11 07:11:53

Personally I wouldn't send him to live with his dad but I would get his dad round so we could talk about how to deal with his behaviour together. Has your ds got reasons why his behaviour is like this? Trouble at school, friends, has he been allowed to get away with it and now it's getting out of hand, does he help around the house?

TBH I would also strip his room down to just his bed, no treats, no going out etc until he learns some respect and to control his behaviour, I would do a reward chart so he can earn his things back say 1 tick a day for a week earns back 1 bin bag of his stuff etc. Take it right back to basics as you would with a toddler imo.

I have a 12 yr old and I still put her in time out/ bed early if she has attitude with me.

Basically imo he is behaving like this because he is allowed to, it's time to get tough and say enough is enough. You will need support because it won't be easy but it will be worth it, things are only going to get worse if this isn't tackled surely?

LoveMyGirls Sat 13-Aug-11 07:40:07

Also sit him down and talk to him about how he thinks he can deal with his behaviour.

Ask him why it's not ok to swear at the top of his voice in the garden - answer because it's not ok for a 10yr old to be swearing and secondly it's inconsiderate and disrespectful to be swearing at the top of his voice because the neighbours find it offensive and you find it embarrassing and if he swears again [something he will very much not like] will be the punishment.

Write the rules down together, explaining the need for the rules along the way, discuss the treats and rewards and praise he will get when he follows the rules and the punishments he will get if he does not follow the rules.

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