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Major issues don't know where to go - Keeping Used Sanitary Towels

(4 Posts)
Worried123 Tue 26-Jul-11 11:08:41

I'm really sorry that this isn't about a teenager, but given the circumstances I thought here was a good place to start.

I'm not a mother, I'm in my early 20's and I'm incredibly worried about my older sister (late 20's).
We both live at home with our parents, both in their early 50's. Neither of us are married or have boyfriends, my sister never has had one.

My parents are of Indian background and are very proud people. We were bought up mainly by our mother, our father has a problem with alcohol and stupidity and always has. While he's been out having a good time, our mum has been at home with us. Because of this my sister and I have never had the usual experiences of life, like going out with friends to socialise. Neither of us drink for fear of turning our like our prat of a father. I'd rather be at home just the three of us, we don't fight and we three get on really well. My sister is my best friend, although we clearly keep a lot from each other.

Today I'm at home from work ill, I heard a noise upstairs and went into my sisters room to check it out. When I opened the door I was shocked but not surprised to see the state of her bedroom. Curtains closed, stinking of blood, clothes, dust and hair all over the floor, on top of the dresser and a pile of used sanitary towels on top of her dressing table, not wrapped and just sitting there. I don't understand why she is keeping them.

When I was younger (about 14) I went through a phase where I had to dispose of used sanitary towels at school. It went on for about 6 months. My parents removed the bin from our bathroom after having a go at us about how full it got. I'm not sure what my mother did. But I felt too embarrased to take them downstairs and put them in the kitchen bin.

I'm not sure if this still relates to that. Since that time and a bin was put back in the bathroom after decorating, I've always used the bathroom bin. I'd never keep a used sanitary towel in my room.

It get's even more worrying. My sister has OCD (or at least she claims to). She's made comments about my keeping clothes on my dressing table before, but I always clear these when I do laundry every week. She claims to be a clean freak, the downstairs of our house is immaculate and she spent about a year and a half playing house while she was out of work.

I don't want to confront her, I shouldn't have gone into her room and I'm afraid to let her know that I did. She goes in and out of my room as and when she feels, and I keep it as clean as I can. None of my family feel happy going into her room and she knows that. My mum had a similar experience once, years ago, when my sister was probably in her late teens. She found stacks of used sanitary towels in her room. But I always thought that it probably had something to do with the lack of a bin available to us and that she'd cleared up her act. I now realise that it's been ten years and she feels comfortable living like this.

My parents are currently making a feeble attempt to find her a husband, we'll have to have arranged marriages because of the over controlled up bringing we have had.

I don't want to cause more dramas at home. I really don't know what to do or say. The last time this happened we came home from school and my mum had a go at my sister and had spent all day cleaning her disgusting room up.

Does anyone have any ideas how they would deal with this issue?

shumway Tue 26-Jul-11 11:15:57

Sounds like she might be depressed? Maybe gently suggest accompanying her to the doctor?

wellwisher Tue 26-Jul-11 11:19:51

I think you do need to talk to your sister - you could offer to help clean up the room without telling your mum. It's reasonable for you to have gone in there if you heard a noise.

Teenagers do this sort of thing (there have been threads here about it before) but I think at your sister's age this behaviour could indicate a mental health issue, particularly if she is weirdly OCD about the rest of the house. Depending on your sister's response when you bring it up, you should be prepared to tell your mum and to try and get your sister to the GP.

Incidentally, you don't "have to have an arranged marriage" if you don't want one.

Worried123 Tue 26-Jul-11 12:28:03

Thanks for your kind responses.

I called my mum and told her, she says she knows about the issue.
My sister can be really rude and she's very argumentative.

I'm being brave, I've put a black bag in her room on top of the used sanitary towels. I've also moved the sanitary towels from the linen closet where they have always been kept and put them in the bathroom cabinet, where in my mind they should be. I'm hoping this will prevent her from grabbing one and taking it to her room.

Trust me I'd rather have an arranged marriage than no marriage at all = living here with this lot for the rest of my life.

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