Is your son older than 10? Then I need your advice!(11 Posts)
I have a lovely 10yr old DS1, "a pleasure to teach", into Cubs and elec guitar (and cool band at primary school), nice bunch of friends, sleeps/eats/washes(!) normally and no 'issues' at home or school.
but.....(you just knew it was coming, didn't you..)
For the past month he has been sooo rude to DH and I, we get the shrugs/grunts/'it's my life', 'you can't tell me what to do' etc and unbelievable shouting, frustration and anger.
We've given him a lot more freedom to play out, as he'd requested, now has mob phone he can use if out, agrees he can sort out his own breakfast etc, and to be fair to the lad, he is very reliable and responsible.
Because of how he is to other people, and the fact he sticks to other boundaries and curfews, I don't know how much rudeness and verbal aggro, huffing and puffing to turn a blind eye to, and when to say 'enough is enough'.
How much is just the preteen thing kicking in, and where did you all draw the line(s) in term of backchat, snide remarks etc?
We have had a great family life with just the usual ups and downs so far, I know he's entering a period of physiological and personal change, but how to navigate...?
Thanks for your help and experiences!
is he year 6? i.e secondary school in sept
I'm not the best person to offer advice because I'm struggling with my 13 year old son, but from what I've read, it seems you have to decide what you are comfortable with/feel is acceptable and ignore anything that isn't important. It is so important to agree with his father the rules because my stbx and I have very different ideas. For example I feel swearing at adults is totally unacceptable but my stbx's view is swearing is 'just words' so our son has sworn at teachers because (imo) he gets away with it with dad. Sorry, don't mean to make this about me, just giving you an (obvious) example of a pitfal to avoid!
Your son sounds like a good kid, so he may just be 'testing the boundaries' and it probably won't turn into terrible rebellion like you may be fearing!
Maryz is spot on IMHO ....I have ds 20 and ds 17, plus dd16...this is pretty normal: personally, I have always found that (rather like Kevin and Perry IYKWIM) the important thing is that they are great outside the home which shows that all that training has been worth it! In the home, they feel safe enough to try and push boundaries. Turn a blind eye to the huffing, as Maryz says (great piece of advice, btw) and watch what he actually says and does.
thanks, all - really useful stuff! I'm trying to pick my battles...just that this whole 'attitude' thing has come on much more suddenly than I expected.
DDT, no, he will be going into Yr 6 in Sept and will have a teacher he really likes and a good gang of friends in the class.
Maryz..I like the 'watch the action' idea.....so now I am just glad he emptied dishwasher this evening, and will try to forget the martyred dying duck noises he made doing it!
Ds went through a similar phase at 10, is now mostly charming at 11. "watch the action" is good.
Ds1 is thirteen today and has been noisily protesting about everything for years! But I always say that his "Bark is worse than his bite" and he is well behaved out of the home and gives in after protesting, so I can live with it (DH on the other hand struggles with "attitude" and we have had more marital disagreement about this than anything else in the whole 20+ years we've been together, so its not easy!).
He was rather sweet this birthday morning actually, bouncy and excited like his seven year old brother.
ignore the attitude, just watch the action and listen to the words.....works for us.
Maryz is spot on.
He is quite young but puberty could be around the corner and he is feeling the hormones. DS1 went through a very tearful stage in Year 6 where he was hugely over sensitive and burst into floods of tears at the drop of a hat.
DS2 on the other hand moans and grumbles resentfully about - well everything really.
I ignore the grumbling and moaning but I don't tolerate rudeness or back chat.
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