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Why did no one tell me?

(48 Posts)
Saltire Tue 19-Jul-11 17:05:29

6 more years of DS1 beng a teenager, I cna't cope after 3 motnhs.
Do they all carry on like the world owes them soemthing, that all parents are "unfair", don't wash, don't clean their teeth, answer back,argue with parents, argue with siblings, leave clothes all over the place, moan, whinge,

Saltire Tue 19-Jul-11 17:09:35

Comments directed at DS2 today alone

"you're gay"
"you're a gay peadophile"
"I hope you fall outof a tree/downstairs/get run over"
"I hope your brain withers up and dies, you R$%£"d

Over na dover, and then there's the pretending that he's John feckin cena nad fighting all the time and hitting and the answering back. he's jsut stood in the kitchen and said "I am having this yohurt and you can't stop me" and squirted one of those tube things all over the floor in temper when I said "no, it's for DS2 packed lunch tomorrow"

nagynolonger Tue 19-Jul-11 17:11:42

They do eventually start to wash and clean their teeth!

But the hard done by, world (well mum and dad) owe me.....It's so unfair does go on for longer.

They only start to appreciate the value of thing when they buy stuff with their own money.

nagynolonger Tue 19-Jul-11 17:16:18

Mine have stopped the 'You're gay', it's now 'Man Up'.

The 17 yearold is much better and can even try to reason with his younger brothers.

MightyAphrodite Tue 19-Jul-11 17:20:19

Saltire - I'm so where you are right now. I just keep telling myself that parenting teenagers isn't easy for anyone, and I try to understand where the anger and nastiness are coming from. In our case, DS is (I think) just trying to see how far he can go, how rude he can be before he breaks us and we give up on him. He's trying to see how unconditional a parent's love actually is. The unfairness of what he says kills me and I hate the way he talks to his sisters, but I know he's suffering too - he doesn't like being such a monster, and that's what I'm working on.

Maryz Tue 19-Jul-11 19:32:19

It's ok, they aren't all like that [comforting].

In my experience there is one horror per family, so your other children may be lovely (like mine).

But you need to decide on a line to draw - with us it was hitting (and "play"-fighting) and curfews, though squirting yoghurt on the floor on purpose is a bit much.

Pick about three absolute no-no's and punish them appropriately, and ignore (or pretend to ignore) everything else. Speak in simple three word sentences, ignore the attitude completely, and don't under any circumstances let him see that he is getting to you.

And count the days grin.

Schtum Wed 20-Jul-11 10:56:12

Sensible advice from Maryz.

Saltire Wed 20-Jul-11 15:08:01

Thanks everyone. I just feel that my lovely sweet happy DS1 has turned into a miserable rude person and he'll stay like that.

The one thing that I do get really irritated with him over is his personal hygiene. He goes in the shower but just gets wet, doens't wash despite having shower gel that he chose! He doesn't wash his hair either. I ahve to stand over him and wash it like I did when he's a toddler. He won't clean his teeth unless we stand over him (and he's due a brace and dentist said dunless he keeps his teeth clean it won't get done on nhs) and in the morning we have to nag him to put deodorant on and wash his face- properly with a cloth!

wigglybeezer Wed 20-Jul-11 15:11:48

Hmm, its DS1's thirteenth birthday tommorrow smile. He thinks everything "sucks" already, is horrible to his brothers , but is good on the hygiene front.

KatieScarlett2833 Wed 20-Jul-11 15:12:44

My DS came downstairs yesterday smelling of Beckham in a newly ironed (by him) polo shirt and jeans, teeth brushed.

We all gawped and sat there stunned until DD said "Meeting Hayley tonight?"

Then it all made sense.

herbietea Wed 20-Jul-11 15:13:51

Message withdrawn

Maryz Wed 20-Jul-11 15:15:35

I would let him be dirty. With a bit of luck someone at school will tell him he smells. Worst case scenario he will discover girls in six months, and then the obsessive showering for hours and using whole tanks of hot water will start hmm.

Same with teeth - and get Granny or someone similar to comment on his bad breath grin. He is 13, you can't physically continue to wash him.

Thankfully all my children wash, no matter what other awful behaviours they get up to. Their rooms, now, that's a whole other story shock.

usualsuspect Wed 20-Jul-11 15:18:49

Don't worry he will discover girls and enter the lynx phase soon

noddyholder Wed 20-Jul-11 15:24:10

God the lynx years I think I may be able to sue for chest problems from all the gas I inhaled.

noddyholder Wed 20-Jul-11 15:25:08

Mine was filthy then cleaned up a bit Now swings between the two depending on the answer he gets from his mate when he asks "will there be girls there?"

Saltire Wed 20-Jul-11 15:27:43

I don't wash him, jsut his hair, but I wait till he's out and wrapped in a towel then lean him over the bath and do it. He has also been sending and receiveing texts at night (bedtime night) from a girl in his lcass but gets very defensive and angry if we question him!Apparently we don't want him to have friends.

KatieScarlett2833 Wed 20-Jul-11 15:28:43

Lynx is the smell of Satan.

I recently had the pleasure of taking DS and his mates to a social gathering. I had to get out the car at one point as the mingling fumes were making me feel queasy. We drove all the way there with all the windows open which caused a few hair mishaps as most of them were channeling Bieber.

SecretSquirrels Wed 20-Jul-11 16:22:34

Saltire I promise the none washing stage is brief. You will be rationing his bathroom time before you know it.wink
DS2 is currently at the getting wet but not actually washing stage. In fact he came down one morning with pen all over his arm from the previous day. I asked whether there was any soap involved when he got washed.
There wasn't any water involved says DS2.
Yes KatieScarlett I've a had a car load of 15 year olds soaked in Lynx.

Riveninside Wed 20-Jul-11 16:28:34

dd1 and ds2 are a little that way (dd1 has growed up and left) but using disablist language or calling poeple names gets a punisment by me removing money. Thats makes them stop.
ds1 is nearly 18 and appears to have skipped the teenage phase and is funny and kind and thoughtful and does chores without being asked, texts me every few minutes to ask permission to stay out shock
taint natrul I reckons

Riveninside Wed 20-Jul-11 16:29:05

And Its Old Spice here after they watched the adverts. yuck

SecretSquirrels Wed 20-Jul-11 16:31:21

Why don't they choose musk or patchouli then I could sniff nostalgicly over my lost 1970s youth.

GetOrfMoiLand Wed 20-Jul-11 16:36:26

DD was a bloody soap dodger for ages. I used to have to TELL her to clean her teeth, wash her hair, get in the shower, NOT wear the same vest she wore to bed to school the next day. God knows where she got her stig of the dump ways.

It was a real sticking point and in the end I gave up the nagging as I was starting to piss myself off, and overnight it seemed she turned into a clean freak. Now she uses all my shampoo, conditioner, frizz ease, molton brown goodies, hair mousse, hairspray, deodorant and perfuems, so be careful what you wish for. grin

With the rest of the stuff - zero tolerance. Say if you do x, y and z I WILL take your allowance/phone/laptop/telly away. If you do something which upsets me I will do something which upsets you. Consuquences and boundaries, like toddlers. And if you threaten something, follow it through. It only takes one weekend without facebook or texting abilities to make 'em toe the line.

GetOrfMoiLand Wed 20-Jul-11 16:37:35

Re phoning at night I make dd plug her phone in in another room. If she had it in her bedroom she would be on it all night. She HATES that rule but tough. She doesn't bother arguing any more.

alemci Wed 20-Jul-11 16:40:37

My son is quite good, always has a shower, washes his hair etc. He has 2 older sisters who are hard work at times. I find him a breath of fresh air.

rainbowinthesky Wed 20-Jul-11 16:41:50

getoffmyland - just check she doesnt have an alternative phone and takes the sim card out of the charging one. We discovered this little trick when ds stopped moaning when we took his phone off him at night time.

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