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Sorry But I dont Understand this!

(7 Posts)
mumsamilitant Sun 10-Jul-11 19:46:38

Im fuming! sorry probably a rant going to happen! please bare with me as I would actually like your opions!

DS 13 and a half, would like to think im a responsible adult. Well, a few weeks ago my DS had a girlfriend. He wanted to see her etc. I of course thought he was far too young but hey. He wanted to meet her but i said "only if her parents know and say its ok", I asked for phone numbers etc. and rang her mother to check all was above board. Her daughter answered her mothers mobile (not a home number by the way) and I heard in the back ground "Do i have to talk to her", ummm whats all that about.

Incident 2. My son goes to sea cadets and asked if he could stay round one of the boys houses on the saturday and then go on the sunday to cadets, I thought this was fine... I rang the mother (her mum works at cadets) and got an answer machine but left a message saying hope its ok for DS to stay etc. etc. Well, got a call from DS at mid day saying they didnt go because his mate forgot to set the alarm and they didnt get up!!!!

Where was the mother????? For god sake! what is going on with parents?????????

mumsamilitant Sun 10-Jul-11 19:58:29

Sorry still ranting! Moral of the story has to be. Never ever let your child go to someone elses house without doing a bloody police check first or at least speak to the parent!!!! What a learning curve I have just been through. I do not allow anyone to stay here without their parents being aware etc. I sure as hell would call a parent back out of curtousy to say all was fine etc....I was obviously wrong in doing a spur of the moment allowment! NEVER again!

mich54321 Sun 10-Jul-11 20:30:13

Agree with you - I do exactly the same thing. I always speak to the parent to confirm it is ok for DD 12 to stay overnight. Usually this involves going to school Friday morning, and sleeping overnight and collecting Saturday PM - no way would I allow this without speaking to the other parent. If I couldn't speak then I'm sorry no go. If other parent couldn't be bothered to speak to me then sorry it's a no go as well - its obvious they aren't keeping an eye on them whilst there (don't expect them to be watching 24/7 but do expect a reasonable level of supervision at 12 yo). I also leave my mobile and home number and ask them for their details as well - know most of them now pretty well but still just give a courtesy call to make sure they know DD arriving rather than than some ad hoc sleepover arranged by the kids ! Have noticed some parents don't seem to bother and I tend not to let DD go for sleepovers there.

mumsamilitant Sun 10-Jul-11 21:24:09

Thanks Mich... We do try to give a little at nearly 14 but blimey! not more! like you said, if the parent cant be bothered very very good indication! thanks x

Maryz Mon 11-Jul-11 14:36:14

You can do all the checks you like, but if parents are irresponsible there isn't much you can do. When ds was 12 we let him go to a friend's house for an overnight, we did all the checks - we met the mother at a school function, we drove ds down there, we asked the mother what they were doing (dvd and pizza she said), we gave her our number.

At midnight we got a phone call from the local police saying ds had been picked up for messing around in a car park 20 miles from where this boy lived confused. Turned out she had put them in a taxi and given them money for a pizza restaurant. After eating, they were messing on a road, the police were called, her son did a runner and mine was picked up.

Her reaction: my son was stupid to be caught shock. She didn't go to the police station, she didn't ring to see was he ok, she didn't ring us to say he was there. We had to wait for a call from the police and drive 40 miles to collect him in the middle of the night.

I learned a lesson that day. I don't trust any parents, so matter how nice they may seem.

mumsamilitant Mon 11-Jul-11 16:25:10

OMG! Maryz! Unbelievable! Ive certainly learned my lesson now....

inkyfingers Mon 11-Jul-11 16:37:58

it's a nightmare, because even if parents are around and say it's OK, it's hard to ask what they'll be doing. Mine went to a sleepover aged about 10 and the 3 boys got hold of one of the older brother's 15 videos and watched til late in the night. if parents knew they didn't care sad. I just felt sad they he'd watched it.

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