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teens arguing in the house............................................. .........................

(11 Posts)
ilovearnold Sat 09-Jul-11 17:01:09

We have two early teens.Thay can be lovely and charming.- but not to each other!!!They blank each other and/or argue- not all the time but a lot!!! Feel on tenderhooks most of the time waiting for outbreaks!! eg we are all watching a family film and tension!!!!!
.I dont think that ive adjusted myself yet.I dont mind individaul grumps and moods- its when they come to me and say dd and done this and ds has done that...and ive not got a clue what has really happened.Also dd is very clever and can wind dd up to n th degree with just a look or a tone.If he gets seen to be being a wind up merechant- he says i cant help it its my hormones they make me angry...!
Any advice please in particular on what to do if they both come to me saying hes done this and shes done the other!!!!!!Ive tried to ask them to sort it themselves but inevitably the one respons with - why dont you stick up for me -or cries in dd case.Dd has started to slam doors in frustration if ds winds her up .Im not depressed when i say this, but im dreading commimg home sometimes, and i think that ive got to chill - but howIve given them clear boundaries since they were little - they know how to behave well - but not to each other. .Its hard when a child follows you round telling thier side of things ,is upset etc.I find that im starting to retreat to our bedroom and i dont want to do so.!!!!Help and advice appriciated...

Sounds like my house at times, with an extra one thrown into the mix... Although to be fair to them, they appear to have come out the other side over the past year (mostly). I really don't know what to suggest, as what worked for me may not work for others. I pretty much ignored them, and unless it was blatently obvious which one was being particularly shitty, told them to bugger off to their rooms until they could be civil to one another.

I'm not and never have been a particularly shouty parent, the plus side of that being that when I do have occasion to roar at them they take note and run grin

Grounded as and when necessary and stopped monthly allowance for each of them at one time or another (that hurts, apparently!) and switch off to the resulting bitching in my ear. They're now almost 18, 17 and 15 and 90% of the time are nice to each other. The other 10% of the time they start and a look is usually enough for them to realise that their social lives may just be screwed for the next week or three.

Don't know whether any or all of that will be any help, but I hope so.

*blatantly

Maryz Sat 09-Jul-11 17:52:20

Things started improving in this house the day I decided I wasn't ever going to take sides and I wasn't ever going to try to find out who started it grin.

For arguing/physical fights I announced one day that every time it happened I was going to turn off the tv/game/whatever and send them all to their rooms. It took a few days for it to sink in, but once they realised I meant it, it stopped almost overnight.

I don't allow them to insult eachother - that has the same consequence - tv off, they have to leave the room.

I have a simple rule with the tv - they can watch one program and then have to hand over the remote to the next in line. If they argue, it goes off.

Since I stopped being a referee the fights have pretty much stopped shock.

GypsyMoth Sat 09-Jul-11 20:39:18

This happens here, but after one bout and numerous warnings I put the younger two in the car and drove off, flicking the electric off as I went!!

I returned after an hour and there was silence! 3 teens,in 3 separate rooms and 3 closed doors.... No Internet or tv. Nothing.

EveryonesJealousOfWeasleys Sat 09-Jul-11 20:54:57

<saves maryz's wise post for future reference>

ilovearnold Sun 10-Jul-11 15:10:33

help...anyone ? xxxxxxx

Maryz Sun 10-Jul-11 15:59:39

erm, sorry, I thought we had offered a bit of help.

Obviously not confused.

ilovearnold Sun 10-Jul-11 16:15:10

Maryz- yes you have - and it fab- i think im just being nosey re what others would say as well- sorry !! x

GnomeDePlume Sun 10-Jul-11 20:42:39

We are very strict about being civil to each other. This means 'pleases' and 'thank yous' and all the rest of it. All examples of incivility to anyone are jumped on. Annoying habits are also quelled (sniffing, foot tapping etc). If they annoy me then goodness only knows what they do to a hormonal teen!

We are in a new house with firedoors so door slamming is physically not possible (but wouldnt be tolerated by the management anyway).

tamannadvivedi Mon 11-Jul-11 14:49:44

i have a daughter she is 10 yrs if she has told to do some work she will always say iam doing na but she never does she wants to wear high heals sandals which i and her father never like it she loves to do make up please help me what should i do

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