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Would you nag your 16 yr old to socialise in these circs?

(25 Posts)
mumblechum1 Wed 06-Jul-11 18:48:45

So ds finished GCSEs a couple of weeks ago. For the last few months his social life has taken off in the evenings in that a large group of friends from several different schools belong to a party group on FB. They arrange to get together in various locations (by a lake, the river, the park etc) and whilst not ideal, they're too young to go to pubs etc and they don't seem to be getting into any trouble. These happen about twice a week.

During the day, though, there is no socialising going on. He's spent most of today gaming (though has done his daily chores).

I just suggested that he invite friend (boy or girl) to the cinema with him tomorrow but he won't. I think he's shy about doing 1 to 1 stuff with anyone except his best mate who's away on holiday.

Shall I nag him or leave him to fester in his room till September, except for our 3 weeks in California?

ragged Wed 06-Jul-11 19:58:33

I would not nag, hands off.

usualsuspect Wed 06-Jul-11 19:59:27

I would leave him too it

mumblechum1 Wed 06-Jul-11 20:14:46

But I want to nag grin

verlainechasedrimbauds Wed 06-Jul-11 20:18:13

He'll be happier festering grin

How many teenagers do you know who would take their parents' advice about how to socialise wink?

BertieBotts Wed 06-Jul-11 20:20:37

If he's arranging some things by himself then I'd leave him to it. He might be chatting to people while he is gaming anyway or playing multiplayer where you have to work together etc. So the same as if he had a friend or few over and they were playing games in his room.

I'd probably say intervene if he wasn't socialising at all but it doesn't sound like that is the case. I wouldn't worry smile

ragged Wed 06-Jul-11 20:20:39

Talk to the houseplants instead, at least they'll appreciate the extra hot air carbon dioxide.

spiderpig8 Wed 06-Jul-11 20:58:54

My 16 Yo DS seems to spend all day on X Box as do most of his friends.

Maryz Wed 06-Jul-11 21:40:57

I have three at home atm. dd and ds2 have hardly been out of the house, ds2 especially doesn't really want to see friends, he wants to relax, sleep, vegetate and play on the xbox.

ds1 is out drinking and smoking dope on street corners every night hmm.

I know which I prefer sad.

mumblechum1 Thu 07-Jul-11 07:30:31

Oh, all right then.

<<asks the Zantadeschia if there are any particular girls at school they like and whether it would like to invite one round in the holidays>>

Thanks everyone. smile

Schtum Thu 07-Jul-11 12:06:23

It's not like he's worryingly friendless, just that his socialising goes on in the evenings so I probably wouldn't be too concerned.

I'd probably still nag him, though, to arrange to do something - play tennis/ have a friend over/ go to see a film etc (jusy because that'a how I am) but ultimately I wouldn't worry about your DS because he has got stuff going on.

He might get bored enough as the summer goes on to arrange something during the day.

Or maybe one of his friends will arrange something with him.

Or could you let him invite a small number over for an afternoon BBQ if one-to-one is awkward and hope that others reciprocate?

Teenagers are great ones for doing what "everyone" else does and not being confident enough to buck the trend. Maybe it's cool to keep a low profile during the day (implication being that your night-time social life is so hot you need to sleep all day) and then come out at night.

I've lost count of the times I've been told that NO-ONE does this or EVERYONE does that...

mumblechum1 Thu 07-Jul-11 13:04:37

I know. Just got back from shopping and he came out into the drive blinking and I realised he hasn't been out in the sunshine since the weekend when he was at a festival grin

Schtum Thu 07-Jul-11 13:17:39

Bless!...

He's probably knackered... GCSEs are a punishing marathon and then the festival on top of that...

It all sounds fine to me, in all honestly.

Selks Thu 07-Jul-11 13:19:49

He's 16, leave him be re his social life. He won't thank you for interfering!

Marlinspike Thu 07-Jul-11 13:21:22

Yes, I have a DS (17) like yours! I am nagging discussing with him getting some sort of job over the Summer - he has gone round with CVs, but no joy yet.

Like Maryz says, maybe the grass isn't always greener...

wrongdecade Thu 07-Jul-11 16:07:29

Do not nag,

inthesticks Thu 07-Jul-11 17:34:06

I nag.
I try to resist but it slips out.
I know I'm wasting my breath, he will not plan or organise anything.

mumblechum1 Thu 07-Jul-11 17:37:01

grin inthesticks.

DS can tell when I'm going to nag. He can just see by my face and then he runs away and plugs himself into his ipad.

I did actually get him out of the house this afternoon. Drove him to the shopping mall where I handed over my bank card and met up with him 45 mins later after he'd bought himself a few t shirts. Couldn't be seen with his mum in public, natch.

WillIEverBeASizeTen Thu 07-Jul-11 19:54:31

When my DS is 16 he will be nagging ME to stay home grin

APieOfButter Thu 07-Jul-11 20:07:15

My social life took off when we got the internet. So did my general level of education. Tbh I'd encourage internet over awkward one on one 'dates' -teenagers travel in packs, and I'm sure he is socialising online.

Plus, he seems to be getting his fill of underage drinking and talking rubbish at his parties - as long as you see him afterwards and he doesn't seem to be getting himself into trouble (and of course he has condoms and health advice) then I think that is all you can ask for.

Disclaimer: speaking as someone nearer to being a teenager than her children. Quite possible i will change my mind over the next few years.

Maryz Thu 07-Jul-11 20:20:26

"My social life took off when we got the internet" grin. My social life atm involves a bottle opener!

I heard "I'm bored" for the first time today from ds2, who has been on holidays since June 30th and refuses to leave the house grin. I told him to tidy his room, but he soon found something to do and is currently lying on his bed reading shock.

mumblechum1 Thu 07-Jul-11 21:03:13

grin

Oh yes, plenty of beers being necked and, I suspect, groping in the bushes.

Maryz, reading shock Is there a power cut or something?!

Maryz Thu 07-Jul-11 21:16:43

I've got him two books recently that he's been rivoted to - one is iBoy by Kevin Brooks (a bit odd but about gangs and rape) and the second is a Malorie Blackman one called Boys don't Cry, which is about a 16 year old whose ex-girlfriend turns up on the doorstep and leaves him a baby grin.

I pretend to buy them for dd, but he's hooked. I have to say it is nice to see him relaxed and content to just hang about. I know that in a couple of years he'll be out all the time.

mumblechum1 Thu 07-Jul-11 21:29:21

Aww. DS has read Boys don't Cry and some other MB stuff. Your ds may like one called Apples (can't remember the author ) but it is very near the bone. Not sure how old your ds2 is, may be a bit too naughty grin

heleninahandcart Thu 14-Jul-11 23:33:55

Remember when he's in his room he will be chatting on line all the time. Playstation, xbox (I think), messenger... very social really! and he is going out, sounds ideal to me

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