Am I overreacting? Advice please(11 Posts)
My teen ds keeps receiving texts and calls from one of his friends' parent arranging outings and activities without consulting with me first. as I see it this parent is putting ideas in my ds head and then he asks me when everything has already been thought and planned. I have told this other parent to stop contacting my ds and start asking me first. Is it normal that a parent arranges activities with their kid's friends and not asking the other parents until is a bit late?
hi, 15. But this situation has been happening for years.
IME, by the time they're 15 they sort out their own arrangements. So I would't expect the parent to contact me, but neither would I expect them to contact my dc direct.
Most 15 yr olds would tell their parents to but out of their social lives imo.
It is a bit weird. At 15 I'd expect arrangements to be made by the kids themselves - and certainly not between Child A's parents and Child B.
Woudl nabbing your DS's phone and blocking that number be a bit extreme?
I would expect the friends to arrange activities themselves then run it past both sets of parents. Personally would try to find out if DS / friend instigating the other parent texting (ie do they think you might find it harder to say no to an other adult so therefore they will be able to do more stuff ) or is the other parent making these arrangements themselves ? I would speak to you DS and try to find out what exactly is happening and then depending on the answer speak to the other parent . It also depends on what is being arranged - I wouldn't expect any great deal of a 15 yo going to cinema - just a courtesy "mum going to watch X film with Y person tonight , Y's mum bringing me home" just so I know where he is. However, if it was something like going to a festival camping for the weekend I would be expected to be fully informed before any decision made and would not be happy if I was faced with XYZ arranged. Hope this helps !
A bit pfb?
I'd expect 15 yr olds to make the plans between themselves then
telling asking for permission from their parents.
It's only a simple step for the parents of friend to contact ds directly if there is an outing where they are involved,
The only odd thing about this is that it is a friend's parent that is making the arrangements. But the idea that a parent would contact you to arrange playdates for a couple of 15yos sounds even more strange.
Normal thing for 15yos ime is that they discuss things among themselves and each teen then checks that this is ok with his family= no other plans. If they are nice and considerate teens that is.
I agree with the others - though I actually rang one of dd's friends yesterday to arrange lifts (dd was out and had no phone). Sometimes I make arrangement with my children's friends when they don't have credit on their phones as well, if it is something the kids are doing as a group.
And I know dh as a sports coach has many of ds's friends on his phone and texts them about training etc. He has a rule that any kids under 15 he deals with the parents, once they are 15/16 he communicates directly with the child.
As long as this parent isn't taking your son on his own (without his own son) on these activities, is it really a problem? It could be something as simple as his child being very shy, not having many friends, and the parents trying to encourage him doing things with your son. But having said that, if you have specifically asked him not to he should respect your wishes.
Hi and thanks. Maybe I should have made clear that is the parent contacting my ds to organise things, including holidays because it would be a night mare to keep their ds off their backs. At some point they offer my ds to take him over seas all expenses paid so their ds would not be bored.
In a way I am a bit over protective as my ds has been assaulted in two occasions and like to know where and who he is with.
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