he started smoking

[strictlovingmum]

Hi, all
my son who is 16 confessed last night to smoking, after lot of prompting from me and ds, I was shocked and very disappointed, I wasn't cross just very sad.
Mild mannered child, very good student, never really too much trouble of any sort with him, it genuinely came as shock to us. As he was telling us about it last night he was upset and crying and I was crying with him, this a child that doesn't do crying, so I new it hit him hard. He says it had only taken place three times, that he didn't like it and felt under pressure to do it.
He was offered cigarette by one of the boys form his year, just before the exams started, outside of school and in his words" Everybody was doing it", apparently they kept at him until he succumbed. I am very upset even writing about it now, I have tears streaming down my face, I can barely see.
I don't want him to become a smoker and ruin his health, please anybody any input is appreciated.
How did you handle it?
What did you say?
Did it have any effect?

[oldenoughtowearpurple]

There is a big difference between 'started smoking' and 'had a few ciggies because everyone else is doing it'. If he really doesn't want to smoke then help him find strategies to avoid being pressurised. My parents both bribed me not to smoke - if I wasn't a smoker at 18 they would give me £50 - worth about £300 now. It was enough for me to be able to say 'sorry it's just not worth it'. Although to be fair my parents were both heavy smokers and there was no way on god's earth I was ever going to touch a cigarette anyway because they both stank. Now when the kids ask me if their friends can smoke outside i say yes, as long as I can sit with them and tell them about my father's death from lung cancer.

There is nothing unusual or dramatic about this situation - teenagers experiment and vast amounts of them smoke. Stay cool and handle it.

But you DO want to make sure it stops. Apparently teenagers are physiologically above-average susceptable to addictions.

[strictlovingmum]

Thank you for prompt reply, oldenoughtowearpurple, it seems it's true what you say about intellect and susceptibility to addictions there is certainly link there, but if it is only experimenting and it stops at that I will be relived. This year we had a death within family my aunt, our boy second aunt died from lung cancer, after years of smoking, it was horrible death, we talked about it last night and it did upset him and it touched the nerve.
I know we will try everything in our power to help him overcome it and I am just grateful that he felt he could come to us and talk to us about it.
Something else he mentioned struck a cord with me, he said;" I don't want to disappoint grandma and grandpa and if they were to find out about this, they will be disappointed in me" he holds them very high and values there opinion and I am in two minds whether to talk to my mum about this.

[boysrock]

But if you do talk to your mum now given that he doesn't want to let them down then he will have more disapproval to cope with. Would it be an option to say that if you find he has been smoking again that you will tell his grandparents?

Look, its not what you want your child to be doing, it really isn't. but in the grand scheme of things he could be up to far worse. So perhaps less of the melodrama may help?

Has he got other reasons for not smoking, like sport? That seems to be the most effective way of keeping kids away from it if they think it will affect their performance.

What do his friends do? are they hanging around trying to look hard by smoking? Is he likely to lose this group of friends next year?

Does he have enough money to get started? If he doesn't have a job then I would be stopping all pocket money until I was sure that he wasn't smoking.if he does have a job then at £6 pack thats a hefty chunk of your saturday job money and isn't going on clothes games etc.

[strictlovingmum]

Hi, boysrock, thanks for your reply,
Yes he is into sports, he is in the village rugby first team.
No, none if his close friends smoke, he says so.
Majority of his friends normal looking boys, not hanging around corners, smoking and looking tough.
I think he would not be spending his money on ciggies, he saves his money for his guitar lessons.
School gate situation, is probably couple of toughies trying to impress the girls and look cool and I think that is where the problem is;
He wants to come across as cool as rest of the boys.

[strictlovingmum]

Oh and yes he is changing school,
starting a new sixth form in Septembre, minority of his "now" friends will follow to the same school.

[strictlovingmum]

Ohhhhhh, September.

[boysrock]

Ah well if he's into rugby there's your answer.

If he takes up smoking he wont run as fast, it will affect his fitness, can you get the coach to have a general chat about smoking. He wont want his team puffing and wheezing round the pitch.

Which girls is he trying to impress? the ones that smoke or just any random passing girl? because kissing a smoker is a turn off if you're a non smoker.

Unfortunately boys can be a bit thick when it comes to having to look cool in front of the crowd.

Roll on september eh? Haven't you got a list of jobs to keep him busy

[strictlovingmum]

Ah, boysrock, you cheered up a little, def. good suggestion, coach will have a word with him. Girls, girls, girls, I think any girl at the stage where he is now is worth impressing.

[startail]

Your right about the girls, DD1 hates sitting next to the lad who's mum is a heavy smoker, she says he stinks (personally I wonder if he smoked too and is spinning her a story) but either way it's not appealing.
Smoking is also very very very hard to give up, my Dad finally managed aged 65 having smoked from a teenager. He knew all the risks, but it took him thinking he had cancer to finally stop (fortunately he had pneumonia).
Now aged 72 he is suffering from heart failure, which I'm sure the smoking didn't help