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Reasonable to expect 19 yr old to work?

(20 Posts)
WelshCerys Tue 28-Jun-11 13:17:37

DS2, 19, start of long hols until starts university.

So far, very little effort made to find work. Some phone calls, that's it. Says going round shops waste of time.

We live in a busy town where there is work if you look hard enough. Plenty of cafes, restaurants and we would certainly understand it if DS took part time work, if that was all that was available.

He's never looked hard for work before - not in the holidays, not ever. He has disconcertingly said that he could sign on - apparently one of his best friends does even though said friend lives at home, is also waiting for uni, and has parents who are clearly well off.

I am really uneasy about supporting him in signing on - OK if there was no work around, OK if we were struggling but neither is true. We have modest incomes but just about manage, however, help from DS2 would make a big difference. I am about to sign a contract for 10 full time weeks in the Summer because we have debts to discharge. Obviously DS2 could only make a dent but it all helps and, most importantly, he'd be helping his CV, his confidence, his experience of life.

Anyone in the same boat? Any thoughts? Last Summer he did a future leaders course with the YHA - he could get work, even voluntary, in a hostel or a residential youth scheme. Again, any ideas welcome. I really am unhappy at the prospect of him signing on, getting over £50.00 a week for doing absolutely nothing.

pinkhebe Tue 28-Jun-11 13:21:53

It's a tough one isn't it. IME most cafe/restaurants/shops don't want to waste time training someone who'll be off to uni in 3 months time, when there are people who need long term jobs.

He might be better doing some voluntary work in the field he's going to be studying?

chopchopbusybusy Tue 28-Jun-11 13:24:31

What is he using for spending money at the moment? I'd certainly expect him to get some work. I wouldn't necessarily expect a contribution to the house hold expense, although if you are struggling financially then a contribution should be made.
Can he still sign on if he is due to start university in September? I thought that wasn't allowed any more as he is not seeking full time employment. I accept I could have that wrong though.

ggirl Tue 28-Jun-11 13:28:38

yes I would expect him to find work to atleast fund his spending money and attempt to save for stuff for uni or spending money there

saying that my dd is starting uni in sept, she currently travelling (at her own expense) , she's home in august and will be looking for temp work for the 5 weeks she is home. May be just babysitting but something. She's hoping to be taken back at her old job temporarily but not sure yet.

I agree with you about the signing on bit.

Beamur Tue 28-Jun-11 13:29:24

Lazy git! We're trying to motivate our older two kids (16 and 17) to make a bit more of an effort to get a part time job, but I suspect they fear losing their weekend lie-ins....DSS is getting an allowance from his Mum plus paid for driving lessons so I don't think he has much incentive to get off his bum and work. Mum has asked for us to start contributing to said lessons (I don't want to and said from the start that we wouldn't as he won't be able to be insured to drive our car anyway) but have agreed to part fund on the basis that if he doesn't pass next time, then he must get a job and pay towards this himself.
Can you think of any carrots/sticks to get your son to work? Do you give him an allowance, if so, maybe you should stop or reduce it, or give him a long list of jobs to do every day grin work might start looking more appealing.

AuntieMonica Tue 28-Jun-11 13:30:52

i would also expect him to find work.

and also agree with you about signing on.

ragged Tue 28-Jun-11 14:02:42

Is there really no summer temp work in your area? What about just signing on with a temp agency, for that matter?
I have a 19yo nephew doing similar; supported by cheques from me (inheritance I manage). I am biting my lip because he has never lived with a working adult, and I live too far away to make a difference, but someone needs to give him a boot up the arse.

webwiz Tue 28-Jun-11 14:58:06

I would expect at least an effort to find work - DD2(18) has just finished her A levels and I'm allowing a bit of a 'let of steam' week but then I would expect her to sign on with a temp agency. DD1 got some factory work last summer through the agency and earned quite a bit over a short period of time.

DD2 has done some waitressing but it was till very late at night and she had to give it up when she got glandular fever. She has had interviews for part time jobs with more sociable hours but hasn't been successful but at least she has been trying.

I'm a bit hmm about the signing on as young people who know they are about to start university don't meet the conditions for Job seekers allowance.

LaurieFairyCake Tue 28-Jun-11 15:06:27

Depends what you feel more strongly about.

I would (not saying you should) take the approach that he has to pay £30 per week to live with you over the summer (and no 'allowance' obviously). However he paid that - up to him - even if signing on as he's an adult and can lie to the DSS if he chooses to. And he can live with the consequences of them hassling him to get work grin


you could not be comfortable with him 'lying' and continue supporting him while hassling him to find work but still not giving him cash. This would mean he's still eating your food and annoying you when YOU AS AN ADULT !!! HAVE TO GO OUT TO WORK TO SUPPORT THE SPONGING WEE FUCKER. grin

Seriously, you have brought him up to not contribute and now you have to go out to work full-time for ten weeks for your debts (and I'm betting that at least in some small way he has contributed to your debts by eating your food)

You're not doing him any favours. Though obviously you're a lovely walk-over.

MackerelOfFact Tue 28-Jun-11 15:07:07

I think the friend who has signed on must have lied in his application because there's no way they'd give jobseekers allowance to someone waiting to go to university who is living with their parents, and if by some miracle they did, it would certainly nowhere near £50 a week! No way should you allow your DS to commit benefit fraud too.

If he still has the luxury of a free roof over his head, he could write to some companies/organisations in the field he is interested in working for and ask about an internship. Some even pay travel and expenses.

webwiz Tue 28-Jun-11 15:20:27

DD1(19) is working at music festivals this summer, there are still vacancies at some of them

The first shift covers the cost of the festival ticket and you get paid for any further shifts. Ideal because they get to see some of the bands, they aren't under your feet and they earn some money.

mumeeee Tue 28-Jun-11 19:37:49

I would let him sign on. Most places don't won't to take someone for 3 months. Also signing on isn't an opt out of looking for work as He'll have to prove that he has been looking. DD2 did this before she went to uni but she had already had a part time job so wasn't completely work shy. It did help her save up some money for uni and we weren't funding her social life.

mumeeee Tue 28-Jun-11 19:43:03

Mackerel mu DD didn't lie and she got JSA . Also it is £50 a week for under 25's more if your are over 25 and she was living with us. She had left college the year before though and as I said before she did have a part time job for a while.

Riveninside Tue 28-Jun-11 19:46:38

Both mine have been out looking. They are 17 and 16. The 17 yo becomes 18 at the end of august just before he goes to uni. So far nothing plus being told places want them to be 18.
They cant sign on as we get CB and CTC for them until they turn 18. It doesnt help this is a two university city so employers prefer the already 18 crowd.

MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay Tue 28-Jun-11 21:03:55

No you can't sign on if you are a current university student.. except under very specific circumstances..disability or having a dependent...and you can either tell him or let him find out for himselfsmile PART time students CAN clain under some circumstances but not full time ones.

I have one child home from Uni for the summer.. and she has got herself a Mcjob..which she organised (applied online got interviewed the day she came home)

My second child has just finished school aged 18 (Btec not A levels) and is seeking work.. checking the local ads, the job centre and meantime doing a p/t job in Dominos.. there ARE jobs out there but it takes a LOT of legwork..going in the cafes and pubs, looking at all the online sites (supermarkets McDonalds etc)

Tell him to get his lazy ass down to the local temp agency ..they will be able to find days packing etc even if it's not consistent.

He needs to look hard and make an effort because not least, having no decent work experience won't look great when he does graduate... work ethic and all that. Just don't enable him to do nothing...

mumeeee Tue 28-Jun-11 23:11:22

The OP's son is not home from uni for the summer. He is waiting to start his first year.

MackerelOfFact Wed 29-Jun-11 07:56:09

Just being realistic here, but if he thinks it's hard finding a part-time job pre-university then just wait until he graduates and is trying to find something when tens of thousands of other graduates are trying to find the same thing! It's no easy, but searching and applying for jobs and being interviewed are all important life skills.

Nell799 Wed 29-Jun-11 08:14:13

If he won't get a job or even try , can you not land him with all the household chores ? I wouldnt allow a young adult to laze around for a couple of months .

My 17 DSS has 8 hours of work a week , and will be picking up household chores . He will have free time , but will realise that if you're the one not at work , then you pick up the slack in the house and not sleep in till 3 then spend the rest of the day playing on the computer .

PermanentlyAnxious Sat 02-Jul-11 12:51:54

My DS 18 is waiting for A level results and hoping to go to uni. Has refused to do anything at all this summer. We have been giving pocket money to date but feel that this no longer OK if he can't be bothered even to look for work. Our compromise is to say either look for job or we'll help find voluntary stuff. If the latter then we will pay minimum wage for hours 'worked' plus buy essential clothing plus the odd treat. If he refuses anything then we're stopping the dosh. Also are limiting TV watching time and monitoring computer use given he uses latter to communicate with friends which we're fine with to a degree esp if it gets him out and doing things. Does any of that sound reasonable?

ptiger Sun 03-Jul-11 17:21:20

dd 19 is the same, have been trying to get her to work in holidays since she was 17. It just led to arguments. She's at uni now but lives at home, doesn't need money from me as she rarely goes out so student loan is enough for her. I am hoping this summer she will at least do some voluntary work, she has signed up, so fingers crossed

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