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Hold my hand..

(7 Posts)
MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay Thu 23-Jun-11 23:16:59

or give me advice or

My darling DD1 is home from Uni after her first, horrendous first year. Her course (med school) is going well, but she was bullied in her flat (their halls are in small flats of 5) by one girl who appeared to be jealous of my daughter and made her life there hell in the way only girls do.. stole her stuff, was extremely cruel etc etc. I am VERY proud of my girl for sticking it out and thankfully next year she is sharing a house with lovely friends..

But she came home a 6.5 stone anorexic (at 5 ft 8). Always thin, naturally, the stress turned her mild OCD tendencies into anorexia. She has insight and took the initiative herself to seek help and is now 'in the system'

But it's so hard .. tonight she went out to see friends, had a tunic top and leggings on and tho stunningly beautiful, seeing her skeletal figure broke my heart... you know those pics in the DM of skeletal models... that's MY child, my beautiful, intelligent, and terribly terribly frightened child. She doesn't want to be like this, is open about it.. she wants to eat enough but her head panics and won't let her.
I'm doing everything I can to be supportive, and understanding and just THERE but it scares me so much. She is starting CBT and the GPs both here and at Uni have been fantastic.. can't praise them enough.. but I fell like I'm falling apart inside. She has always been the strong one of my four children..and now she is frail, physically and emotionally and I cant FIX this, I can't kiss it better and make it go away.

How do I cope so that I can help her better?

Liliana1 Thu 23-Jun-11 23:23:05

I have no advice but am here to hold your hand.

It sounds like she is aware of and wants to beat this problem, which from my understanding of anorexia is a huge step, and has a lovely caring mum to support her along the way.

I'm sorry you feel so helpless. it must be increadibly frustrating and I hope there will be others along soon with some advice.

Take care of yourself and your DD x

OpusProSerenus Thu 23-Jun-11 23:25:12

I have no real words of wisdom for you OP but wanted to reply to you.

My daughter has teetered on the edge of an eating disorder for several years but, like your daughter, she has always retained her awareness that her behaviour is not "normal" and I do think that is a really good start. She also has a loving and supportive mum which is a great plus.

All you can do is be there and support her. You have my very best wishes.

alexsdad Fri 24-Jun-11 07:39:54

Good lord. I feel for you. Again, can't offer much but sympathy. However, there was a radio program on a few weeks ago - "All In The Mind" on Radio 4 which had a section on parents of kids with Anorexia.

Interesting in itself, but it was also pointing (I seem to recall) to certain local councils who had set up schemes to help - a quick google search indicates it was the 10th May broadcast. You can download or listen again on the radio 4 site.

Best of luck to you and your daughter.

cory Fri 24-Jun-11 09:27:08

Oh you poor thing! But your dd sounds a wonderful person, insightful enough to recognise her problem and strong enough to get help. She must have got some of that from you! There is light at the end of this particular tunnel, I know plenty of families who have been through it and come out at the other end.

campergirl4 Fri 24-Jun-11 15:09:31

How heartbreaking. This should have been a fantastic experience for her and it has turned out not to be because of one girl. My heart goes out to you all as this affects the whole family. My own daughter had anorexia which was diagnosed at 14. She went down to 5.5 stone (5ft 5). I just wanted to offer you some hope....the fact that your daughter can see what is happening to her, even if she is struggling at the moment, means she is able to recover from this. I expect you will be told that once someone has anorexia they always struggle with it....well this is not always so. We went through a terrible year, including my daughter being hospitalised as they were so worried about her. She is now almost 16, back to a good weight (8st), looking gorgeous and absolutely no sign of it at all. We still don't know what triggered it - we have explored every avenue, believe me! I can imagine that if she is living away from home, you will be at your wits end with worry. You just need to be open, don't judge her actions, support and just love, love, love her. You know your own daugher, so will be able to help her decide what is the best way for her to get better. You will find an inner strength to get through this. I did a lot of fighting on her behalf (as obviously she is younger than your daughter) to get the right treatment for her and our family. It is truly exhausting, so be kind to yourself - don't feel responsible. You can't fix it and that is the worst feeling ever, but you will get through it. People do recover completely, I can promise you that.

TobyLerone Fri 24-Jun-11 15:15:29

She's doing the right thing, you're doing the right thing, she can beat this.

I am a fully recovered (judging by the size of my arse and the amount of cake I eat grin) anorexic. I had it from the age of 11 to the age of 19, was hospitalised twice and told I was 'lucky to be here' by my doctor.

It's only recently that I have realised how hard it was for my mum. She went through hell. You poor thing.

Campergirl is right. People do recover completely. And your daughter is doing all the right things, the most important of which is probably moving away from that horrible bitch girl.

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