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empty nest?

(29 Posts)
Wellsi Tue 21-Jun-11 11:07:12

Is anyone else suffering from empty nest feelings before they've even left home? No 1 son in the middle of A levels and due to go to Uni in the autumn, which I completely support, it being a great time of your life but I have just busrt into tears in the train into work (how embarrasing?!) at the thought of him going!

Socy Tue 21-Jun-11 13:28:48

DS1 is away for three months with a residential summer job. It's great experience for him, he's really enjoying it and I'm sooo glad he's not going to be hanging round the house with nothing to do all summer....but I miss him more than I ever thought I would, like a dull ache. Guess I'll have to get used to it as he's planning on going to Australia/NZ in the next year or so.

mumsamilitant Tue 21-Jun-11 21:47:36

Well im suffering for empty nest syndrome and my one and only DS is only 13 and a half! he's in his bedroom most of the time and im "rattling" around the house bored! lol

figroll Tue 21-Jun-11 21:53:54

Haha - I have that problem too! It's funny because my dd doesn't really have any gadgets in her bedroom just her phone and a laptop on occasion, but she still sits there.

As a consolation, a friend of mine said that she didn't miss her second dd when she went to uni because she had spent the last 4 years in her bedroom, so there was no change really. Lol.

debrs4 Tue 21-Jun-11 21:59:39

Ooh I thought that was just me! I hate it when everyone's in their own rooms.

mumsamilitant Tue 21-Jun-11 22:00:50

lol...! guess i should be thankful thats he's in the house! mind you have thoughts of him not being as this is the half mast stuff! cant go out as he's too young! Cant invite friends round to have a few wines coz have to stay on the ball and confiscate his mobile! hey ho!

Happymum22 Tue 21-Jun-11 22:55:52

Youre normal! Far more normal than me anyway!
My dd is off in october, a uni about 2 hours on the train from us, if she gets her grades, just finished her a levels today.. I should be used to it as her elder siblings have been off, but just the thought of her gone brings me to tears. Shes not one to confine herself to her room. I work so when i get home she always comes for a gossip or chat and since her brother especially has gone to uni she has grown very close to me and we get on brillaintly (most o fthe time!). I will miss everything- moaning at her to tidy her room, her asking what dinner is, picking her up drunk from parties and laughing with her the next day about her silliness and the things she said, I'll miss her coming to me in tears about the boyfriend or friends and her just being there lazing about, watching tv together, shouting at her to stop texting and go to sleep. I cant express how emotional it makes me!!! I'll miss just so much and cry my heart out I know when the day comes. I'll worry myself silly about her.
My babies grown up and can sort herself out and have her own independent life.
But I look forward to christmas when theyre all home and things are back to normal, them teasing each other and messign about and annoying me! I think it will be far more special. And of course, she will have the time of her life, shes so excited about going and a new start and challenge.

.....And I've still got my youngest at home...imagine what i'll be like when shes off!!

scartette Wed 22-Jun-11 12:03:58

happymum....your post made me fill up-tears in my eyes as I type.
Soooo relieved it normal for a 14 yr old to spend all spare time in room.
Keep thinking my dd just extremely unsociable.

Ragwort Wed 22-Jun-11 12:05:35

No - I am counting the days (at least eight years grin).

mumsamilitant Wed 22-Jun-11 12:41:19

Had a little tear last night I have to admit. DS now goes to his room and closes door (Never really shut doors in house as its only been him and I). Up until a couple of months ago (he's 13 1/2) he still used to come up to front room and lie on sofa bed with me and watch bear grilles/dating in the dark etc. Dare I say still sleep with me sometimes. Boy, do I miss those little bones and knowing he was all safe and sound next to me. Maybe bonds with only children are harder to break? Do we all go through a kind of bereavement process?

Marshy Sun 26-Jun-11 18:16:12

Oh blimey! So much of this thread rings bells for me. My DD finishes GCSEs tomorrow. She's become so independent the last year and spends lots of time hidden away in her room. It's a bit like the 9 months of pregnancy in reverse - then I was getting used to her being here and now I'm getting used to her leaving. Am dreading it really, though so proud of the lovely young woman she is becoming.
Her younger brother (14) was in tears yesterday morning as due to go off on a school trip for a week and already feeling homesick. Think he might be at home til he's 30! I'm sure he's having a fab time now - haven't heard from him, which is a good sign.

BecauseImWorthIt Sun 26-Jun-11 18:18:15

I was like this last year, when we were expecting DS1 to be going off. In the end, he turned down his place so that he could re-apply this year (his A level grades were better than he expected), so he's been at home since then. He's working, so he's not just hanging around the house, but he is so ready to leave home now - and I am so ready for him to go!

I think there comes a point when it's just time, IYSWIM

Marshy Sun 26-Jun-11 18:26:04

I really hope it feels like that BIWI, when the time comes (post A level, I'm assuming,but who knows) and can see that it might.
Hope it feels ok for you too Wellsi, come October.

juvitoo Fri 27-Jan-12 10:51:20

Yes, me too daughter at sixth form, due to go to uni in October and I'm really dreading her going, trying to be grown up, but....

juvitoo Fri 27-Jan-12 10:53:25

Yes, I'm feeling very concerned about my daughter going in October, I'm excited for her, but will really miss her. Trying to spend as much time with her before she goes, but then worried that'll just make it worse!!

slipperandpjsmum Fri 27-Jan-12 15:01:32

I am so glad I found this thread. Thought it was just me

I have a fantastic relationship with ds and am dreading it when he leaves home. I to sometimes well up at the thought of my life without him being a part of it like he is now. When he comes home from college, comes straight to me "how was your day Mum?" Then we chat about nothing really.

Oh I am filling up again! How do people cope when they do actually go?

Happymum22 Fri 27-Jan-12 15:25:03

Well it has been nearly 5 months since that day I left my DD in her halls of residence and drove the two hours back home in tears. All i can say is it is very hard, especially as I am a single mum and was used to my DD always being around and chatting etc. BUT it does get easier and isn't as hard as you think.
Nowadays mobiles mean me and DD talk constantly, some days just a few texts but otherdays we'll text throughout the day then have a phone call in the evening too. I'm lucky my DD is keen to talk to me, if she doesn't I don't worry I simply know shes busy having a good time.

DD went off to uni and had a shock being thrown into a new city, quite lonely and daunting. She missed home a lot and phoned me in tears a few times (very hard!) but she was also having an amazing time, she loves it now and has some great friends, a house signed for second year with 6 others and is thriving. Seeing her really make the most of her time and enjoying herself in a weird way motivated me and reminded me life is what you make of it.
After a few tearful 'up and down' weeks I quickly got used to it, started filling my time with other projects and things and as much as I miss her, in some ways I love the buzz when we do get a chance to chat and both have so much to say and when she comes home with a new-found appreciation for home comforts. You adjust very quickly and once get over the sadness and grief of their absense if you look at it positively you realise its part of life, its an amazing opputunity for them and life goes on, the distance doesn't mean you mean any less to them (if anything I think she appreciates and relies on me far more but in a new way) and the holidays are long and they're still very much part of yor life both day to day and emotionally.

Lilymaid Fri 27-Jan-12 15:31:09

There's a very long running thread on empty nests in Further Education. I first posted on this thread in 2006 and it is still going! Lots of useful information on what to pack when the great day comes!

juvitoo Fri 27-Jan-12 17:01:52

Happymum22 sounds very sane, good to read. Also feeling a bit guilty as when younger son gets to this stage don't think I'll feel the same way, he's spends so much time in his room.....

rekindle Thu 13-Sep-12 16:03:50

I too have just suffered from two weeks of fear and tears. Tears for the close relationship that I had with my son before he went to university and fear (deep fear) for my future and what it will mean to be without purpose. I have spent the last two weeks talking with family, my husband who shares my pain, and my younger son who pointed out that I might be making my older son feel bad with all my tears. That woke me up. The truth is, I have to re-invent myself and rekindle the supportive and loving relationship that I had forgotten to have with my husband. It will take time to remember who I was before kids, but at least that sickening feeling of loss has left me, and I can feel happier now for my son success and guide him into his future as an adult.

Pebbles069 Thu 03-Sep-15 20:19:44

My only son is going to uniin just over a weeks time. A uni nearly 6 hours drive away. I'm a single mum and it's been just me and him for 3 years. I'm so proud of him and have always encouraged him to go places and follow his dreams but I'm in bits are the thought of him not being here. I work full time, I dance, i feed the homeless but nothing is going to fill the gap he leaves and I'm struggling to cope and he hasn't even left yet. I dread coming home to an empty house, it's like what am I going to do without him. Time is precious, kids are precious and as a mum this is the hardest thing ever.. Letting go. I'm an emotional wreck and people can sympathise but they don't get how it feels and i feel like I'm overreacting crying but I do when him going is mentioned.

MaryJ79 Thu 03-Sep-15 23:31:20

You are not alone. Everyone feels this way. Try and find other parents in the same situation as you. There is nothing like talking something over with people in the same position.

onlyoranges Sun 06-Sep-15 08:00:21

Yep! He doesn't go till Jan. Let's have a great last Christmas together he said omg sob! I really never knew it was going to feel this bad. I honestly feel like my heart is breaking. He is going working his way round the world and planning on staying there. I think of grandchildren I won't really know and how close we are now and how distant we will be then. It doesn't seem like 5 mins since he was standing in his school uniform big smile on his face ready for his first day at school. Now he is going off to the other side of the world. My life will just not be the same without him in it. God knows what I will be like when it comes to him actually leaving. I may be coming across as a tad over frantic here but he has turned into such a great friend as he has got older we have such a laugh together. It never occurred to me this would happen. I wish him well and keep these thoughts to myself of course and we talk about how thrilling it will all be. But my word it hurts inside.

Liz1968 Mon 07-Sep-15 16:50:59

Only oranges - I'm feeling it too! My youngest (of 3) has gone to uni this weekend. I have cried for nearly 24 hours solid. My eldest left at 22 and the next travelled and did a few things before uni. But this is my "baby" and I really can't cope. My husband keeps saying things like "she's going to have a wonderful time" and I know that.
The house feels so empty and quiet. I cry at anything - her shampoo bottles gone, her room is bare, her coat isn't on the hook.
I am at home as im disabled and cannot work or drive anymore, most friends work full time and are busy, my parents are elderly.
I've suffered with depression over the years and think it's come back with a bang.
I know it's selfish, but I'm seriously hoping she calls and says she can't do it and wants to come home.
Please, can anyone help?

NoahVale Mon 07-Sep-15 16:58:18

sad Liz

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