Exams over - here we go again ....(23 Posts)
... for the last 6 weeks we have had peace and harmony (sort of) - but lots of stress - as "the teenager" has been revising and taking GCSEs
Yesterday, he finished his exams so the Xbox controller was dutifully returned, the Facebook password reset and the alarm clock consigned to the bin... and guess what.... KEVIN is back in the building...
Seriously though it took probably 20 minutes before the thumping on the desk and the swearing returned... the curtains are closed and the only exercise is moving from the Xbox to the fridge and back.... and this is only Day 1 of the long Summer holiday....
Yes, I feel your pain! Last exam finished at 2.30pm yesterday (Physics) and by 2.45pm he was on the computer!
He would really like a summer job but we have searched long and hard but with no luck. So, that means that he will spend most of his 10 week break in his room on the computer or X-Box!
There are a few ground rules though - the big one being that he has to stop by 10pm every night - younger child in house so not appropriate after that hour!
I suspect we are not alone - thousands of parents all over the country probably going through exactly the same! In the absence of summer work for them - I really don't know the solution
Mine is helping out for two days a week in a local charity shop.
He likes it, and I'm hoping that the experience he gets will enable him to get a paying student-type job next year.
He's also back on the household rota for dishwasher, gardening and hoovering. Laptop he has to share with me, and I need it for work when I'm home.
Otherwise, the fridge and cupboards contain nothing but nutritious foods, many of which need cooking before consumption, and he wouldn't get lifts or cash.
Not being smug here, he has AS and so he sticks to the clear rules that we have established.
dd is back, and is being gorgeous
so far . Though I suspect it won't last; so far she has slept for 16 hours and gone off into town.
She is looking for babysitting, but no luck yet. So I suspect the requests for money will come soon.
Phew! And I thought I was alone with this problem, but it appears not.
DS1 is 16 nearly 17, has his last GCSE this coming week, and really has had it easy this exam leave, only having three GCSEs to take anyway.
So it seems as if his summer holiday started about three weeks ago, when DS2 (in year 10) is still at college full time of course.
DS1 seems to have decided that it is now chill out time until after the summer break, but me and DH have other ideas.
We have been trying our best to get DS1 to compile a CV, look around for summer jobs, basically get off his backside and go and actually venture out into the great outdoors, but to no avail.
The latest weapon I have wielded is the threat of cutting his monthly allowance to at least half, if not taking it away all together, if he doesn't at least make a concerted effort, regardless if he's successful or not in getting a job.
I don't think he realises I'm serious in this, but he will do come the end of the month and his bank balance is very badly hurt.
Mine get board and lodging, and DS gets an allowance if he helps out, but only £5 a week. Entertainment is not a need, it's a want and if they want it, they can fund it.
Unfortunately my DD4 gets £260 a month from her desceased father's pension fund, so although there are jobs in the area she does not bother to apply. It worries me because her older sisters, who have all been very successful - degree - post grad - jobs- worked as waitresses etc and I feel it was enormously important in developing a good work ethic. However she is given an amount that ensures she does not have to work, I feel strongly the money should be paid to me so I could save it so she has it for uni and she has to work for her living expenses. Her friends all have jobs but she is being a princess.
Mine has just finished and is already installed in front of the x-box! We have a long empty summer ahead. I have suggested he shop for and cook the evening meal tomorrow since I will be at work and DH away, not a great reaction so far, but I haven't given up yet! My other thought was voluntary work since he doesn't seem bothered about trying to get paid work. It will look good on his CV, will get him out of the house, and he may even enjoy it.
Has anyone any experience of what voluntary work a 16 year old can do and how to encourage/force them to do it?
Vanessa DD3 is 19 but savage has a learning difficulty she us still at college. Anyway she does voluntary work in a charity shop and I'm sure they take 16 year olds. DD1 used to help at a riding stables with the sessions for disabled children. She used to lead the horses.
Sooo, just planning for next year. Did you all confiscate the xbox completely for the last few weeks? DS has his time rationed anyway but when he's not on there he tends to be on You Tube.
If so what about You tube...
To be fair DS in Y10 has done 3 GCSEs and worked very hard but next year he will obviously be doing a lot more exams.
No I didn't confiscate the x box my 3 shared it any way so there was a bit of a natural limit. I also didn't limit time on the computer when they had finished exams. DH and I thought after all the hard work of exams they needed a break and not us nagging them to do something useful.
I have persuaded DS to do this
It's Dave's 'Big Society' idea and they are trialing it this summer.
In our area it's called 'One Big Summer' and involves a week's residential out of county, a week's 'social action camp' in county, and then volunteering work to be done as and when.
DS is very about it, but has persuaded a mate to go too to lessen the pain.
The cost is £89 (the residential - a PGL holiday, is worth about £350 alone.)
You choose your area of interest - arts or sports and at the end they try and match you up with a likewise community project.
Because it is a pilot scheme I think they are flying by the seat of their pants somewhat and as a result I think they will go the extra mile to give the kids a good time. There are different 'waves' running through the summer - DS is doing the first two weeks of July. The take up has been pretty poor as it hasn't really been advertised and DS only signed up last week - there were plenty of spaces.
Although he is reluctant, I think it will look really good on his cv and could lead to other opportunities or perhaps a project actually taking him on for paid work.
I have categorically told him - this is not the summer of the X-box!
I would love mine to do that Merrylegs, it sounds fantastic, but ds2 is only 13 though, and dd still 14, so can't do any volunteer work , except for a summer camp for children with SN which dd found which will take them from 14 (she did it last year). She can't find anything else for 14 year olds, despite loads of experience helping with younger children through guides.
Mine are off from end May to beginning of September, so 15 weeks to fill .
I know Maryz. I am not Dave's biggest fan, but I actually think the idea is a really good one. Trouble is, the execution of it has been pretty poor. I know in my county they have disbanded the youth service, so the very people (youth workers) who should be delivering and advertising the service to their core audience aren't actually here anymore. I can't even remember where I saw it first advertised, but I know I found it, rather than they found me, iyswim!
Merrylegs, I think a National system of volunteer work for 13 to 16 year olds would also get a huge support.
There must be a way that we can convince our children to contribute to society. dd is becoming a young leader for guides, has helped with children with SN and with Ladybirds and cubs. She isn't unusual - we have had lots of youngsters help with cubs who have been great. There is nothing better to fire an 8 year old with enthusiasm than to see a 14/15/16 year old enthusiastic.
Health and safety has destroyed a lot of this, which is a pity. dd tried to volunteer at Dogs' Trust, but was told she needs to be 18 . 18, to walk a dog, and clean out a kennel. It's madness. 18 year olds have paying jobs. 14 year olds could do it fine. But they aren't allowed. And by the time they are allowed to "volunteer" the pound signs are flashing and they have no interest any more, which is such a pity.
i've just finished a levels and im sat on my arse doing nothing as i have worked megally hard the past 2 years, give ur teens a break for 5 secs exams are stressful and tiring, last few days are the first i've been able to sleep and go to the pub and hang out with friends, granted i have a part time job and a job that is on a when and if needed. they'll soon get bored, my boredems setting in i keep feeling guilty that i'm not studying let them relax and make sure the chore rotas back in place, they'll sort themselves out, promise
Well done jshibbyr , it must be a relief it is all over.
I don't mind them sitting around for a bit, as long as they stop fighting with each other .
dd is definitely getting a bit bored, and I don't like chucking 20 quid her way each time she leaves the house, but since she can't get a job we are a bit stuck. I suggested she did some chores, and maybe cooked a family meal a week, and she looked at me like and .
the Jamie Oliver 30 minute meal book is cool enough here to provoke my DS into cooking TWICE a week for us, astonishingly! Might be worth a bookshop trip so she can choose something she likes the look of?
I'm with jshibbyr, let them have a break - the mental and emotional strain is immense and they need to recover - and then they get bored and start looking for things to do themselves.
I also like goldtinsel's idea, and how about betting them they can't feed the family for a week on a particular amount - hand them the cash and tell them you want a meal on the table for the family at 6pm (or whatever) for 6 days, and any cash they don't spend they can keep. (make sure the fridge and cupboards aren't too well stocked before you start)
My dd1 did a year's voluntary work in a charity shop when she was 14, so it's certainly possible. She's planning to leverage that experience to get a job in Top Shop come September. She has five days of work lined up in July doing childcare for the 8yo dd of a colleague of mine, plus a pool lifeguarding course. And we're going away for two weeks in the middle of August, so that takes care of most of the holidays.
DD1 is just the same, but when she's not sleeping, she's phoning me with lists of stuff she needs. I have agreed with DH that she gets a couple of weeks to chill out (she's in her second week now) and then she can work for us until we go away in mid-Aug because, having paid over £800 for her air fare, her spending money is most definitely up to her. She loves having her own money, but is a proper lazy-arse. It's driving me mad.
Am lucky this year, ds2 16 is helping out dhs friend working as a labourer and ds1 17 is working at a holiday camp. We live in a holiday resort so there is summer work about. Although the ds's searched for ages for work and a lot of their mates haven't had any luck so far. Last year ds1 worked at macdonalds for the summer. i can't believe how little money I get through compared to how I used to. Will make the most of it before they get back to college.
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