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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

I HATE my sons Blackberry!

16 replies

mumsamilitant · 15/06/2011 11:22

Now, I thought on-line games were the work of the devil but my ds (13 and a half) NEVER puts the blackberry thing down, constantly doing what is called "BBM-ing"! He has a little girlfriend and is in constant contact with her, whilst this is rather sweet i guess its driving me mad! Last night I made a rule that at bedtimes he either locks his phone and gives it to me or I take his SIM until the morning. Is anyone else going through this???? A bit worried about him using it inappropriately at school. Would you also ban him from taking it with him?

OP posts:

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IloveJudgeJudy · 15/06/2011 11:53

My DS1 16, nearly 17, does have a Blackberry, but he uses it as he's a football referee and people need to contact him via e-mail, not text. He now also BBMs his friends who have one. I would think that 13 is a bit too young for such a piece of kit.

I do have friends who have taken away their DC's mobiles at night. I don't allow mobiles at table.

I would be worried about him taking it to school as it might get stolen. I wouldn't stop him taking it to school if I were worried about him using it inappropriately. If he does that, it will be taken away from him and he'll have learnt a useful lesson.

mumsamilitant · 15/06/2011 12:50

Thanks for your answer ILoveJudgeJudy. But I would like to point out that every other child/teen of his age around here also has one. His father bought it for him for xmas and to be honest Im not a phone person so didnt really know what it was all about.

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JohnniesBitch · 15/06/2011 13:05

i know exactly how you feel. ds1 will be 14 in July and recently got a blackberry. its resulted in periods where he has had his phone taken away from him as was constantly bbm'ing friends and when checking his phone could see he'd still been up at 2a.m messaging!
I now have a rule that when he goes to bed the blackberry stays downstairs in the kitchen on charge.
I'm just about to post askign for advice on here about another teenager and blackberry issues.
Wish I hadn;t moaned so much about being the parent of an active toddler as teen years are proving to be so much more difficult.

mumsamilitant · 15/06/2011 13:16

Thanks for reply JohnniesBitch. Yep, was just saying other day, looking back, toddlers are a piece of cake huh!!!!!! Teen years are very very murky and rocky and its only the beginning!!! Up until now I havent even had the need to ground him and he only ever had one tantrum. Hope the aliens dont keep him too long and swap him back soon....

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figroll · 15/06/2011 13:47

I deliberately didn't buy my dd2 a blackberry for this reason. However, she has unlimited texts and is texting her boyfriend constantly anyway. She told me she sent 3,000 texts in 3 weeks - wow that's some going! She would have loved BBM but I am glad she didn't have it. Her memory completely fills up with texts - presumably from bf declaring his love for her - and then she has to sit and delete them which makes the phone freeze up! Lol.

She does have a bit of thing though about how texting is rude when she is with other people so that's one consolation. (She is a bit older than your ds, so may be he has yet to get to this stage).

I always think what I would have been like if I had been able to have a mobile. I would have been on it constantly too and it would have saved my dad a fortune. Do you remember phone locks? That was my parents way of curbing the use of our home phone as we used to talk for about 2.5 hours at a time!

mumsamilitant · 15/06/2011 15:17

Hi Figroll, ah but did you know how to cheat the phone lock? we did! you just tapped out the numbers!!!! lol lol

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mumalot · 15/06/2011 16:17

have avoided pester power from DS (yr8) for a blackberry.

I couldn't work out why he wanted one because I always had one for business b4 I moved to IPhone and it's a pretty boeing bit of kit. Then I cottoned on about the messaging service and a techi friend explained that it's all the rage because the conversations are less traceable than texts to more privacy from snooping parents. A bit like the chat function on FB.

Reading OP I am soooo glad I have stood firm. I gave in on FB. And x box and those are bad enough. I am shocked though at how many people at Ds school have bought these for their 13 Yr olds. And I think it's a very cynical clever bit of marketing from Blackberry who before this had no presence in the teen Market I would imagine.

I think the onslaught on our kids is absolutely dreadful. I have already posted on how DS has struggled to revise for his exams and I believe his brain has been rotted by all these screens and I think it's boys who really suffer. Girls seem to be able to handle the whole schoolwork/ veg out dichotomy with their synapses in tact.

I'm not judging here. I'm as pathetic as every other parent. But I shall now not be giving in to the blackberry pressure.

mumalot · 15/06/2011 16:18

Boeing = boring, of course

ExitPursuedByAKitten · 15/06/2011 16:22

Lots of my DD's Y6 friends have blackberries and they all seem to BBM each other all the time. She does not have one and has to rely on texting. Shame.

JohnniesBitch · 16/06/2011 12:07

Hope the aliens dont keep him too long and swap him back soon....

Thats exactly how it feels, that an alien ahs come and taken my lovely child and replaced him with a sulky miserable, uncommunicative (well with his parents) thing, who only talks when he wants something be that money or a lift or new clothes...
Hope you resolve the situation with bbm usgae soon.

circular · 16/06/2011 12:49

DD1 (13) wanted a blackbberry for Xmas, but we compromised and changed her from PAYG to a monthly rolling contract with unlimited texts and internet. We said we would have a few months trial on this and reconsider.

She has since changed her mind, as quite a few of her friends have had problems with their Blackberries.

She now wants an Ipod touch, probably as her phone is not very good for internet, and it will give her easier access to FB chat/inbox.
Yet to be decided.

mumsamilitant · 16/06/2011 15:30

Hi all,thanks for all your replies.... and NO, don't give in to the pressure. If I knew then what i know now huh! Anyway, just wanted to update you on situation as its gone rather well for a change.

As he's just turned into an alien we have both had a bit of a tough couple of weeks, ie. told on Sunday that he'd tried Shisha over the park! told on Monday he had a girlfriend, total overkill on his phone. I didn't really have any rules in place as hadn't needed them. Was besides myself with worry at the change and maybe things were coming over to him like I was cross and the new boundaries being rattled off by me were somehow "punishment".

I have now calmed down and accepted my alien. He actually let me take his phone last night without a struggle and I praised him for being so mature. He said he didnt want me to have the phone as its his only line of communication with his little girlfriend, he can look at her piccy on it whilst going to sleep (yeah right! Im not that green). I suggested he transfer piccy to computer and print one off which went down surprisingly well, probably because he couldnt really argue with that one!

And guess what. He came over to me this morning and gave me a kiss before leaving muttering those 3 wonderful little words.... I LOVE YOU MUM!

Thanks for everyones help over the last couple of weeks!!!!!!!!!!

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custardismyhamster · 18/06/2011 01:31

sounds like you handled that well, glad you're both happy :)

mumsamilitant · 21/06/2011 13:28

Thanks, i thought so too until the next night where he decided to hand me the sim instead! See other post! Sneaky little darling! so he is. He had another SIM! He's grounded now for a week and his bedroom has been stripped bare of anything electrical! one never knows where sims can be inserted these days! Only kidding on that. His phone and charger are now out of his room!

Great tip for kids with blackberrys. My sisters daughter is 19 and she uses her bbm. Apparently she can follow and see everything he writes (hehe). Whilst I of course dont want to snoop, nothing wrong with her keeping an eye on him is there!

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JohnniesBitch · 21/06/2011 13:51

download blackberry protect, its a great tool for if they lose or their phone gets stolen as well as allowing you to see which area the phoen is in, so you could use this for snooping on them if you wanted to. but after my son having his stolen it was the first thing we downloaded once the new phone came through.
my ds keeps adding people to his bbm that he knows hes not allowed to have contact with, including the boy who helped steal ds blackberry??

soupdragon45 · 21/06/2011 14:16

Hi JohnniesBitch can you tell us a little bit more about this blackberry protect?I suppose I could google it but it sounds useful as my daughter has one and has just started lying about where she is and who she is with whilst out so it sounds like it might come in handy.Is the phone user aware you have it? Or do you need to have a blackberry yourself?

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