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My 18 year old son is a waster. or is he!?

(8 Posts)
lulu6867 Sat 11-Jun-11 08:34:55

My 18 year old son seems to be wasting his life, he keeps giving up on school and college he smokes both cigarettes and drugs, he is a rude ignorant man who I wouldn't dream of befriending if he wasn't my son. He is a bright boy, well we thought he was but he is just giving up another college course half way through. He cannot see past the next few days and will spend all his wages and have no money then for the rest of the month. His dad and I refuse to give him money, and this is made worse by the fact that all his friends parents are buying them cars and insuring them for their kids and they don't have to have PT jobs. We refused to pay for any more than 20 driving lessons ( An 17th birthday gift) and he failed his test so has not had another lesson since, what a waste of time, he has enough money from his PT job to pass his test but says there is no point if we won't buy him a car he cannot see that once he has his licence he can drive as soon as he can afford a car. He is a good boy, never been in trouble at school or with the police so I feel like I am moaning about nothing but I really want to shake him and knock some sense into him, what can I do when I see him wasting his life, just sit and watch him. My husband says just let him get on with it he will soon realise he is in a mess and he will have to sort it out himself, but as an interferring mother it is so hard! Has anyone else had this

mumblechum1 Sat 11-Jun-11 10:11:18

tbh I think your dh is right. It's hard to sit back and watch him waste his time like this, but try not to worry. He's still very young and can make something of himself in terms of education/jobs once he realises you can't buy anything without getting a good job and you can't get a good job without qualifications

MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay Sat 11-Jun-11 17:23:06

I have an 18 yr old who finishes school (Btec media ) this week. Not suited for uni, no idea what he wants to do.. has a part time job and spends all his wages the second they hit his account... learning to drive (he is paying so it's a slow process)..etc etc

He seems to think he will just find a good job although I have pointed out that the reality is likely to be MacDonalds or a factory if he is lucky .. not that there is anything wrong with that at ALL he just seems to think something amazing will magically fall into his lap!

I feel your pain.. it's so frustrating!!!! I have told him he has to get his backside to the job centre and agencies next week and start hunting in earnest! I hope eventually he will find something.. and after realising how boring some jobs are, hopefully will decide to train for something else!

cheapskatemum Sat 11-Jun-11 23:23:18

My DS1 is just 19 and of a similar ilk - OP - at least your DS has a part-time job! Since DS1 withdrew from Uni in Feb, we've been encouraging him to look for work. Just recently, his GF, who is on her gap year, has gone off travelling. DS wants to join her in Melbourne, Australia, so hey presto - he's suddenly going for job interviews. Round here it seems to be door to door double glazing selling that is bottom rung on the job ladder, but hey, it's something! I agree with not shelling out for any more driving lessons, btw. If something's not earned, it ceases to have any value.

dwpanxt Sun 12-Jun-11 00:33:33

I had one of those! Did half an A level course and gave up .Didnt want to sign on-didnt 'believe in it' confused

Met a girl on the internet and decided to shack up with her.

But that was a few years ago and he knuckled down and got jobs in the industry he was interested in.Did in house training paid for by his employer and is now a happily married (same girl he shacked up with ),well paid, systems analyst.

Sometimes they take a bit longer to find their niche .wink

MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay Sun 12-Jun-11 11:02:15

dwpanxt... thankyou... don't know about the OP but your post has has given me some hope!!!!smile

lulu6867 Sun 12-Jun-11 16:15:59

dwpanxt.. I feel that there is hope for him yet after reading your post and I think I will just have to do as Dh says and just sit and wait for him to find his niche I am lucky I suppose that he is a good boy aside from his lack of motivation. Thankyou very much for those comforting comments.

ATripperToTheLast Sun 12-Jun-11 17:19:39

This might sound silly to some, but could you afford to take him on a nice holiday. A break from his normal routine may make him realise that there is more to life than wasting it on drugs. My son was pretty much like that, but then he met a girl, found a job straight out of school, hated it, but persevered as he knew it was only temporary until he had enough cash to travel for a bit. He now works a couple of jobs and admits that he is glad he got all of that out of his system. Now he works to plan his next holiday, and is fairly happy with life.

I had a bit of a wild time in my early 20's too, and it worked for me. Went on holiday with my mum abroad and have never looked back since.

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