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(50 Posts)
noddyholder Sun 29-May-11 13:00:20

My ds turned 17 in May. He has been at 6 form college since sept and has hated it from day one resulting in a terrible atmosphere at home, him doing zero work and the tutors on MY case all the time and just a general nightmare. We used to give him £50 a month until he started college when he became entitled to 20 a week EMA. To be honest he rarely got it as his attitude and lateness was terrible. At xmas I said leave and start A levels again at a new college in sept but he said no and plodded on getting further and further behind. last week he and teh teachers and we all decided enough. He was on teh wrong course (schools fault!) and was just not doing anything. He has found another college and better courses starting in September and he has begun teh motions to get in. Now what do we do about £. He has none apart from about £50 and when that runs out nothing. I have said he needs to find a p/t job til september he says he will look this week. But shall we reinstate an allowance? I think I would have to lay down some serious chores/rules if we did as he has been so awful to be around. What do you think?

MmeBlueberry Sun 29-May-11 13:10:12

How much does he need?

noddyholder Sun 29-May-11 16:25:11

Not sure at 17 nothing is ever enough!

MmeBlueberry Sun 29-May-11 20:43:09

There is a difference between need and want. You have to start put knowing what the bare minimum is.

mumblechum1 Mon 30-May-11 07:54:35

I think if he actively tries to get work but can't, that you should give him a reasonable amout. DS gets £135 per month & I buy most of his clothes on top.

It doesn't take long to get through £30 a week, just a cinema trip, a couple of beers if they're going out, a kebab and taxi home and it's all gone.

wellwisher Mon 30-May-11 08:06:21

He's 17. He clearly has a few GCSEs. You haven't mentioned any health problems. Why can't he get a job?

Am I missing something? confused

LoveBeingAbleToNamechange Mon 30-May-11 08:10:35

Yes he needs to find a job, it will should him what is required and how easy college actually is. He night well get fired once or twice but keep encoraging him. Plus it will show him why he needs to do his exams and work hard.

EttiKetti Mon 30-May-11 08:10:42

I would really push him to find a job for the summer- this might even carry on to something he can do alongside his studies.

As for money, I give the absolute bare minimum as my 17 yo dd who sounds quite similar altho is still studying, simply does not WANT to work and to this end misses out on lots of jobs repeatedly angry she gets £10 a week, has to do the ironing to get this and if she wants more, then she cleans the house, to the standard my recently departed cleaner used to and gets paid extra to do this.

I used to hand over £80 a month, which was dependent on pleasant behaviour at home and hard work at college, she is entitled to £10 EMA and has received this approxiamtely 6 times since last September shock so the allowance soon stopped once I realised that she wasn't working at college and her behaviour at home SUCKED!

HattiFattner Mon 30-May-11 08:15:26

at 17, there is no reasonfor you to pay himan allowance - he can work in any supermarket, garden centre, builders yard, restaurant, fast food joint ...

Like LoveBeingAbleToNamechange says, it might make him realise how easy college is,, and motivate him to get some qualifications, otherwise that supermarket job will become his life.

If you make it too easy for him now, he will continue to sponge off you for another couple of years because whats the point in working hard at college if your mum finances your lifestyle?

wellwisher Mon 30-May-11 08:15:43

I would actually suggest a full-time job if he can get one. I nearly dropped out of formal education at 18 - did A levels but wasn't sure about uni so i got a full-time job in a department store. The horrors of a 40-hour week, polyester uniform, strict grooming code, not being allowed to sit down and having to be charming to tossers all day motivated me to get back into education as fast as I could grin

AuntieMonica Mon 30-May-11 08:16:09

i would buy him the 'essentials' ie toiletries, underwear etc until he got a job.

if he wanted cash for anything special (and i think a night out IS special) he would have to do some big chores to earn the money - mowing the lawn (incl the clearing up) decorating/ clean the car inside & out etc.

IME, this age is where they really can nurture their own sense of entitlement. he can earn quite a lot in a p/t job, £60 p/w is very doable at that age.

supermarkets seem to pay the best rates, and the McJobs of course

hth

smile

BlackandGold Mon 30-May-11 08:20:43

DD did Sats and one eve each week in a local dept store at that age.

DS did an evening paper round, then the following year had the use of a car and did pizza deliveries.

I don't remember paying either of them pocket money but we did, of course, help out with their larger outgoings.

noddyholder Mon 30-May-11 11:13:00

Thanks everyone. We pay him 0 atm and will continue that while he job hunts. I know a lot of teens though who are much more actively looking and they have found nothing. There are 3 unis in this town and even non students are working in cafes etc to make ends meet. I think I will give him a tenner on a saturday if he has been an angel all week and done lots round the house(this means i will never have to pay) otherwise nothing. He is going back to college so I can't be too harsh he chose the wrong course and so he is effectively a student still living at home.

Tortington Mon 30-May-11 11:21:04

i'm against giving kids pocket money for nothing. if you do decide on chores IME its better to agree them mutually and write them down and stick them on the fridge or something. i have learned this over the years how they can twist things and say - 'i said i woudl do the dishes but not put them away!' grrr.

follyfoot Mon 30-May-11 11:33:58

We give my DD £105 a month (the £5 is a token amount towards phone calls to us). She has been working since she was 14 and is now 17. She buys her own clothes/school dinners/travel etc from her allowance and wages and is going abroad on holiday with her friends next month which she has paid for herself. To pay for her holiday she worked extra hours.

I probably sound a right mean mother but I do think its a good life lesson to have to budget and work more hours if you want to buy more things. Its also been good for her confidence. If there really are no jobs out there for him, then I'd pay him an allowance but as payment for jobs around the house. Has he sat down with a yellow pages and rung round lots of places? Thats what my DD did. She was really nervous doing it at first, but again its another useful skill to have.

noddyholder Mon 30-May-11 11:47:24

folly you pay her and she works?

follyfoot Mon 30-May-11 12:16:12

Yes Noddy, (she is still in full time education, sorry if that wasnt clear). We dont pay for anything extra, so her wages and her allowance pay for school dinners, phone contract, transport, entertainment, clothes, trips, meals out, birthday and christmas presents, make up etc etc.

It works really well for us as there's no pestering to be bought things all the time, but all her basics are provided for her. By working too, she is able to have more spending money, so for instance she has been working extra hours to pay for her hols.

noddyholder Mon 30-May-11 12:23:25

Now I need to see what he does wrt a job. Our local mcdonalds has vacancies for breakfast shift quite easy hours and not bad pay.I would happily top up his earnings but don't want to just hand it to him.

saggarmakersbottomknocker Mon 30-May-11 12:27:02

Noddy - if you have unis near now is a really good time for him to be out there handing out his CV. Loads of those students will be going home in a couple of weeks.

noddyholder Mon 30-May-11 12:32:55

I think he is going to do all these things this week. He is really trying not to annoy me he has just come downstairs with his stinking skate shoes and put them outside to 'air' A first I am shock.

Tortington Mon 30-May-11 14:36:00

my dd works in a greengrocer and as she is at college she keeps all she earns.

ds - twin - is unemployed at the mo. as such i am takin half his umeployment benefit towards his keep - when it finally gets sorted. if he gains unemployment i get a third of what he earns. At no point do i give them money. i might treat them to things of course - and i am still paying for their clothes.

Tortington Mon 30-May-11 14:36:31

employment - not gains unemployment - that he already has!

snorkie Mon 30-May-11 15:55:00

If he really can't get a job could you pay him for doing tasks around the house? Even if yours is the kind of household where everyone is expected to muck in with the cleaning there are always other things that need doing that just never get done (cleaning the windows, staining the windowframes, preservative on the fence panel type tasks). A 17yo could even take on light decorating I would think.

noddyholder Mon 30-May-11 17:50:11

I will get him to do some jobs for sure. Unfortunately we have just finished renovating this house and it is not in need of much but he can clean etc and do windows otherwise he is moping around for 4 months!

HattiFattner Mon 30-May-11 17:55:23

does he have anyidea what he wants to do with his life? Can he do an apprentiship/work experience for the next 4 months?

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