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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

moving house and school with a teenage girl

11 replies

helenthomas · 16/05/2011 23:27

Hi, I am planning to move to a new City during the summer - my daughter is refusing to come and says I'm ruining her life and that I should wait until she's 16 when she's finished her GCSE's - she's in Year 8 - any advice on how to manage this?

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travellingson · 17/05/2011 00:06

can understand where your DD is coming from, but at the same time you no doubt have very good reasons for moving. Is the new city close enough to visit with her? Can you check out the schools ahead of time, and arrange a visit - give the head an idea of your daughter's interests/ personality and ask her to get some similar girls to show her round? Teachers on here or people who have been through it might have some better ideas, but that's what I would try to do. Good luck x

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helenthomas · 17/05/2011 09:42

Thanks - yes we've been. My partner lives there - been to the school and looked around. Am hoping to meet some girls at the school so she can meet up over summer. We are not happy with the school she is going and this is a much better school. I'll talk to the Head when we go. I keep telling her people do it all the time and they end up being glad they moved...she doesn't believe me at the moment and thinks I'm the worst mum ever!

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Greenshadow · 17/05/2011 15:33

It's heartbreaking!.

We moved DS at the same stage in his education (between yr 8 and 9) and he was sooo upset. He was in floods of tears as we drove away for the last time saying ' I can't believe this is happening' over and over. Twas 6 years ago and its making me well up now, just remembering how upset he was.

Sorry - that's not exactly helping is it..

But, of course he settled - it did take a while though. The first year was quite hard and although he found friends, it wasn't the same as the lovely pre-teen 'gang' he had back at the old house (200 miles away, so couldn't visit easily).
The following year his friendship group changed and he became part of a group who he still does everything with (currently on a gap year).

He didn't get a chance to meet anyone before, so if you DD could do that, I'm sure it would be a great help.

It is never going to be easy and there isn't much I can say to help except to back up what you said above. Good luck.

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helenthomas · 18/05/2011 00:43

Thanks for that - at least we know it can be done. But you are right, it's agonising. And we always as parents have the fear that we are going to do damage that can never be undone...it's so hard to know what to do - life would be so much easier if we could live it with the benefit if hindsight!

What does he say about it now? Is he glad you moved or still say - I can't believe you did that to me?

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larry5 · 18/05/2011 11:17

We moved 150 miles away between yr 9 & 10 and dd settled in very well. The summer holiday was very difficult because she didn't know anyone in the area so we invited friends from her old school to stay a couple of times so that she wasn't on her own.

It was a bit different for dd as she wanted to leave her old school but she has made some very good friends at her new school and has now left home to go to uni.

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helenthomas · 18/05/2011 15:06

That's really comforting to know that someone has done it and it went well in the end - I know the other mum said that the first few months will be difficult - it's a great idea to invite old friends to stay - I've suggested this to comfort her but we are moving 250 miles away so it's a long trip. I think her biggest fear is not making new friends and being bullied at the new school...and missing everyone from home and then not being able to arrange visits...

Uni will be our next hurdle! Hope your daughter hasn't moved too far away...

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larry5 · 18/05/2011 19:08

We moved from SE London to Midsomer Norton - just south of Bath - and she has gone to Uni at Keele which is near Stoke on Trent. She loves the uni but when she finishes in 2 years time she wants to come back home! The peace and quiet will be gone.

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Greenshadow · 18/05/2011 23:03

Helen, I think he is probably glad we moved, but equally still appreciates what he had before we moved. Facebook and the like have been a very good way of keeping in touch although it does also mean that you can see what you are missing....

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sweetkitten · 23/05/2011 09:57

we moved from the north east to the north west, girls were in yr 9 and 10.. same as larry5 the first summer holidays were pretty crap as they didnt know anyone. After that they settled in lovely and made really nice friends, better than the ones they had before which they still keep in touch with on FB. The oldest is now doing a military prep course and hopefully will get into the army college come Sept :)
Moving house was the making of them :D

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mich54321 · 25/05/2011 23:17

My DD had to move school at the end of Y8. She much prefers the new school and at Y8 it will not affect their GCSE's.
I would see if you could arrange a visit to the new school before the end of term and ask the head if they could have a few girls show your daughter around. They might swap details and start a friendship before you move so can keep in touch over the holiday.
Why don't you see if the school knows of any summer clubs over the holidays - quite often the local sports centre has extra activities.My local secondary has a leisure centre attached to it and they have swimming, roller skating, football , discos etc as activities over the summer for a couple of pounds per session. Also ask if there are any youth clubs in the area - your dd might meet people here before she starts school.
Does the school have a mentor scheme where new pupils are assigned a "friend" to help them around for the first few weeks (so they can get to know the layout of the school / have someone to go to if they have any issues). You could ask to see whether the new school could do the for you dd - this is done at my dd school and works really well.
Good luck - it is hard for them but can quite often work out much better !

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helenthomas · 09/06/2011 13:50

Thanks so much for your messages - we are arranging meetings with girls already going to the school during half term and hopefully will meet up again over the summer holidays. It's comforting to know it can work out in the end when they are so worried about moving. Thank you ;D