JESUS CHRIST....anyone else got a reluctant 16yr old GCSE student(377 Posts)
god, what a nightmare. Could you make her do her homework downstairs?! So you can see if she's actually doing it?
Sorry, i have no experience of teenagers yet. However I was a bit like this at gcse level and didnt take them seriously at all. I did settle down for a levels though, I think once I realised you cant just blag your way through...
I think there is a wide range of students studying methods ......ds1 studied profusely each evening he revised for hours we had to practically beg him to stop - ds2 year 10 really doesnt give a toss I try I try vv hard to help him see the reality- he doesnt care.
Ds1 in year 10 was also very lazy I showed him average wages from supermarkets and our grocery bills and utility bills and asked him how long hed be able to afford his gio goi labels earning that money?
Ds2 hasnt risen to it if you find a solution please inbox me .
Have you tried bribery? sitting outside the jobcentre or indeed even going in and seeing what jobs are available? what qualifications she needs for college further ed?
Ds1 will finish his A levels soon and is off to uni in Sept.....Ds2 I dread to think .
Ds1 has just told me to tell you to tell her <phew> that the best unis want As at gcse aside from Alevels.
You Are Not Alone.
I keep thinking that even if he ends up NEET, it will be so much less stressful.
He works, but sooooo slooowly, no stress or ranting or arguments, just a general inability to see the significance of passing or failing. So I go up to his room and he's reading something else, or generally off task.
I keep booting him back onto the straight and narrow, but god, it's wearying!
I was you this time last year The rows were endless and the chaos in ds's bedroom every evening was a nightmare.Nevermind his attitude.Then the school had the wise idea to give them study leave for nearly 3 weeks before the exams and then i was in charge.I put up a study timetable and just dug my heels in.He kept saying he was on top of it but the teachers and dp and I were doubtful.Somehow he passed 10 and we had to eat our words.Although we are now in teh same nightmare with college
Oh God. Sounds awful. I did this. Exactly. Dropping subjects, unable to write essays. Truly the only thing different here is that it was crimpers rather than hair straighteners. For many years into adulthood I would say, 'how did anyone let that happen to me? I was let down by mum and school'. Now I only need to have a bolshy 9 year old dd to see how it might be glowering on the horizon and coming round to get me.
I am only fairly recently at 44 years old realising my own part in this . I scraped 4 o'levels 2 mediocre A'levels and from very academic family.
I'm not sure what I'm saying to you really but I rembember feeling totally unable to get myself sorted. I had v difficult dad who I was made to stay in touch with and I think I was depressed on and off, definitely truanted a lot. I must have been hell.
I think what might have helped was to be taught how to how to structure essays. I just never managed to learn the rules of how to do it so developed a huge fear and feeling of inadequacy. Had no idea how to approach them. Doing pretty well for myself now as a writer so, it's a happy ending. Very much hope same for you and DD.
Ds was on FB EVERY TIME I went in to check on him
It's like trying to shove a blancmange uphill.
'she's got to make an art deco handbag for textiles (no,i've no idea either)and wants to use andy warhol as her influence. when i said 'he's not art deco' she argued for an hour he was and then cried [bangs head off a wall]'
This sounds more like DD 4 years ago.
I'M SO HAPPY I DECIDED TO STOP AT 2 CHILDREN.
Not sure the constant nagging and fights really helps the revision situation at all. Teenagers do not want to feel that someone else is controlling them and from my own experience will expend massive energy avoiding doing what you are telling them to do. It is very frustrating but unless they want to work I'm not sure you can make them. Many of DC1 and friends seemed to do almost no work for GCSE's other than the revision sessions at school but did very well. The level of work required for A levels is very much greater and they all stepped up to do it and got in to good unis.
I agree with Kandinsky. You are banging your head against a brick wall, just stop and let her make her own mistakes. The most likely outcomes are:
- she continues to do little revision, but gets good GCSEs anyway (quite likely if she is naturally academic)
- she gets scared and pulls her socks up by herself and gets good GCSEs
- she gets disappointing GCSEs and gets a huge fright, then pulls her socks up in time for A levels.
None of them are disastrous.
What do the school say about her work? Are they supportive?I feel your pain as I am going through it all again but this time with a DC who seems to think that just because their teachers say they will get A*'s they are automatic. Plus I don't think ANY homework/coursework has been done without MSN/facebook on at the same time.
You are at a very difficult stage with your other DC's and are doing very well to offer her as much support as you are but she will need to take some level of personal responsibility for the organisation of her work and the eventual outcome.
Long post warning!
I feel your pain....ds 1 year 11 and is doing no work. It's guitar and xbox for him though not straighteners and fb.
At his school the cousework was mostly done last year and he cocked most of it up so he needs to haul back his grades with shit hot exam results.
The really frustrating thing is that he is super bright and has stratospheric cat scores but many of his not so clever peers will get far better results than him probably - and good for them - they deserve too if they are putting the effort in!
French speaking last week, I tested him the night before and he got 4 words wrong in the first sentence. I forced him to stay awake until he had learnt it - took me til 12.30 am and much much gin but he did learn it.
I'm afraid I have resorted to financial bribery. I wont be able to tell you whether it worked or not til afterwards but I have promised him £x for every grade he gets if he meets his predicted grade, double that amount if he gets a better grade than predicted, and MINUS double that amount for every grade he drops below his predictions. Insert the amount you can afford instead of x. Sorry it sucks if you cant afford to do this.....
Re: English, our school suggested we buy highlighter pens, post it notes, coloured pens, all the crap to make them get their work to look interesting, apparently they are allowed to highlight in the exam to pick out keywords etc, and to get them to read whatever you can (magazines fine if they refuse books) in preparation (I have just ordered som old readers digests off ebay). Half our schools RE syllabus is opinions anyway (and most 16 year olds are frigging opinionated so don't stress about that one!)
I have torn my hair out (and probably have liver cirrhosis) over the years with Ds, not always due to him being lazy but just over general education quandaries and I have always found Chris Woodhead gives good advice. If you email 'firstname.lastname@example.org' I have always had a reply and as I email so often I have taken to using pseudonyms and various email addresses so that they dont think I'm a total stalking nutter paranoid pushy mother!! Often they have published my letters too (obviously when the mailbag is empty!) Yours is a common problem I'm sure and they will give advice (even if you don't want to hear it/dont agree with it) It was a number of years ago he suggested financial reward to someone (the basis for the advice was in the real world if you work hard usually it has some financial benefit) - it would be interesting to see if he gives the same advice now....
I will be thrilled if my ds does half an hours revision for each exam (that will be more work than he has done in the last 5 years added together!)and he may well wing it as he's a brainbox. I might start when easter (not a bats chance in hell of any work before then)is over to reward him (like a bloody toddler) with small things (choc bar or can redbull) if he does some work......
Hope this helps and I will watch this thread eagerly for any bright ideas anone else has !!
Is it possible she feels it's all on top of her and she can't get it done in time so she's not going to bother at all?
If so perhaps just give her something little...very small?
Oh oh oh I feel your pain
Got in to a similar situation and have backed right off, as in our case I realised that homework was DD's way of getting under my skin. Such a song and dance to establish what homework she had, when it had to be in etc etc let alone actually doing it to any kind of reasonable standard.
She is an engaging, articulate girl with her teachers who was coming home and being a brat with me.
Not suggesting this is the same for you, but in my case, I sat back and realised, that actually, her GCSE's are hers, not mine. She's 15 - her life, her choices.
Obviously, time will tell, but she is in no doubt that the success.. or failure she feels when she opens that envelope in August will be all hers.
Don't get me wrong, I and DH both help when we're asked, but it's up to her.
get's ready to sob in August Hopefully all will be well
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