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13 yr old Bed time?

(33 Posts)
happygolucky0 Sat 12-Feb-11 19:05:09

Hi I was wondering what time you think is a good time for bed. My son is 13 yrs old and it is such a struggle every night to get him to go to bed. He likes to go at 10pm. However I feel by Saturday he is shattered and doesn't want to do anything.

He tells me that that it is hard to get to sleep and his friends are watching t.v programmes that are on at 9 to 10pm. He is awake at 6.30am and is good at getting up in the mornings, I was just worried he is so tired at the weekends which is taking away family time as he is too grumpy and tired.
thanks for any replies

onadifferentplanettoday Sat 12-Feb-11 19:15:06

My two are 13 and 15 and get up usually without a fuss) at 6.30 and go to bed around 10. I usually leave them to wake up in their own time at weekends but they are usually up by eight even then. I would agree that at this age there often is something they want to watch on tv up until 10, mine for example love Hustle on a Friday and it's something we watch as a family. I find allowing them to be up until ten means they are tired and ready to sleep when they get to bed whereas if I send them up earlier they find it harder to get to sleep and end up messing around until far later.

sharbie Sat 12-Feb-11 19:19:12

dd is 13 she goes to bed when she wants to but that is usually 9pm.she can stay up later (within reason) but she knows she will be tired next day.
all teens seem to be tired at weekend.let them relax.

purpleknittingmum Sat 12-Feb-11 19:19:26

My daughter is 14, and goes to bed at about 10pm. She struggles to get to sleep most nights and get up in the mornings, weekends and when she has nothing to get up early for she will often still be in bed till gone 9am or even 10am

Don't know what the answer is! She is often still awake when I go to bed at about 11pm

roisin Sat 12-Feb-11 19:19:47

Sleep needs and patterns are very individual. If he's shattered, tired and grumpy you need to change your routines so he gets more sleep. Can you video the 9-10 programmes, so he can watch them at an earlier time the next day, so he doesn't miss out?

ds1 (13.5) generally watches TV or DVD til 10, then goes up to bed. He gets up without a fuss at 7.15 am.

If he starts to look weary, I encourage him to have an early night or a lie-in at the weekend.

ds2 (nearly 12) on the other hand turns silly and objectionable around 7.30pm without fail. So he goes up to bed then! shock He bats around in his room for a while and sometimes reads for a bit, but is usually asleep by 8.30pm! (But he does get up at 6am nearly every day - before anyone else in the house.)

senorah Sun 13-Feb-11 17:18:27

DD2 (13) goes to bed at 10, same as DD1 (17)but then so do DH and I! As a family we wind down early on a school night (sun-fri) then nobody feels hard done by, they read for a bit if they want and essential viewing is recorded.

BelligerentGhoul Sun 13-Feb-11 17:19:46

My dds are 16 and nearly 14 and go just before ten on week nights. They get up at 7.

happygolucky0 Sun 13-Feb-11 21:38:08

Thanks everyone for your replies. I am going to give it a go at recording some of the programmes he wants to watch so he goes to sleep abit earier. He ended up sleeping for 14 and half hours last night so I think I was right that he is over tired. Fingers crossed for a good day next Saturday and a smooth routine this week. Positive thinking !!!!! and counts to 10!

Wysiwig Tue 15-Feb-11 17:05:00

Bedtime is a battleground with my 13yo DS. Always has been to be fair, but what with all the other dynamics of the teenage years it's a battle I would concede if I could. I'm exhausted by it all, I really am. If I want an early night I have to "make" him go to bed when I do..oh my word "but it's only 9pm, why do I have to go to bed now" blah blah then the arguments start and I'm now so angry/sad/hurt/disappointed I'm awake...and it's only just begun...

LaurieFairyCake Tue 15-Feb-11 17:12:52

Dd , nearly 13 goes at 8 and reads til 8.30. She's asleep by 9 and up at 7.45.

At weekends she goes at the same time but reads or plays music til 9.

She doesn't argue and I don't think programmes after 8 are particularly suitable for her age group.

DandyDan Tue 15-Feb-11 18:45:21

shock
Really?

Like University Challenge or Masterchef, or Grand Designs or the programme on BBC4 last night about illuminated manuscripts which my under-13 yr old watched? The Human Planet on Thursday? Or David Attenborough on Madagascar tomorrow night? Wild at Heart or Downton Abbey or the Antiques Roadshow on a Sunday?

I can see there might be programmes after nine that some parents (though not all) would have concerns about - Spooks, Casualty, Being Human, Glee, Skins, maybe even Holby City or Waterloo Road - but 8pm is extraordinarily early for an almost-13 yr old.

LaurieFairyCake Tue 15-Feb-11 20:00:43

Some of those would be boring for her, loads I dont watch. We do watch the antiques roadshow together grin that's earlier.

We don't have tv on for the sake of it though. The shows I think are unsuitable for her age group are soap operas like eastenders which I notice was on at 7.30.

I recorded Human planet and she did watch a bit of it but she was bored fairly quickly. I also record glee for her as I think they have a really positive message even though the sex stuff is a tiny bit adult for her.

RatherBeOnThePiste Tue 15-Feb-11 20:04:42

DD goes at 9 mostly, gets up at 6. But watches Glee on a Monday, so that's later, Guides midweek and that's nearer 10. She's quite good a self regulating though, if she's tired she will just go early.

When she was a baby she didn't sleep much at all, it was shocking. I wish I knew then that come this age she would love sleeping!!

maryz Tue 15-Feb-11 20:12:46

ds2 is only 12 and would blow a gasket if he was sent to bed at 8 (or 9 for that matter). He also wouldn't sleep.

He plays sport every day after school so is seldom home before 7. He has tea, then at least 1-2 hours homework, so finishes 9-ish. He is in bed at 10, light out 10.30.

He sleeps most of Sunday to catch up if he doesn't have a match. He was up at 4 pm last Sunday shock.

LaurieFairyCake Tue 15-Feb-11 20:18:45

There was some study done maryz that you can't 'catch up' more than 3 hours at once. Apologies, I can't find it right now. It sounds like he could do with better sleep during the week.

That's a lot of homework, dd only gets about 25 minutes ish a night. She then does about half hour piano practise. No sport after school though, she's home at 3.40.

She likes her sleep, and dh goes to bed at 9.30 so we need adult time together too.

cocolepew Tue 15-Feb-11 20:23:05

DD is 13 and it's anytime between 9 and 10. If she's tired she'll just turn her light off.

maryz Tue 15-Feb-11 20:23:06

Oh, I know that in theory, Laurie smile. He just uses it as an excuse to stay in bed all day. ds2's school is pretty full on and he plays a lot of sport, as well as an instrument and is in the choir, so six days a week are very full.

As long as he manages to get up at 7 for school, I leave him be on the bedtimes. He seems to manage ok, and gets regular long weekends to recharge his batteries.

I have two older teens as well (17 and 14), so I don't know what adult time is any more shock.

happygolucky0 Wed 16-Feb-11 11:40:52

Thanks for again for your comments. Looking back over the thread seems most kids are going to bed around 10pm but the differance is they most are staying in bed untill 7am or later. Again this could be the problem as he always wants to be in school half an hour early so is up 6.30am maybe burning the candle at both ends!!

Only managed two nights to bed at 9pm this week last night back to 10.30 ish as wanted to watch the Brit awards. Tells me recorded stuff is old news... past its sale by date !!! Got to give it to them they have a answer for everything!

Anyway guys the half term is coming whats your rules then??

Maryz Wed 16-Feb-11 16:37:48

They have to go to bed before me.

They have to get up before teatime.

I only cook one meal a day, the rest is up to them.

That's about it. I have given up blush.

theredhen Wed 16-Feb-11 21:25:27

Laurie - Your daughter sounds like my son.

He is nearly 13 and goes up at 8pm and lights out at 8.30pm. I have to wake him at 7am. When we lived alone I used to let him stay up til gone 10pm on Fri / Sat if we were entertaining a friend or out and about but he always slept for 11 or 12 hours.

DP falls asleep easily at 9.30pm, so this gives us adult time.

We now live with DP and I have been amazed at how little sleep his kids seem to need compared to DS. His 7 yr old gets less sleep most nights than DS usually gets! shock

DandyDan Thu 17-Feb-11 09:26:05

For a 13 yr old in half-term, staying at home?

Go to bed before me (if only five minutes before), but can stay up reading once in bed till whenever.

Sleep in, but no later than midday

Hopefully eat midday lunch/dinner with us but if not, definitely eat with us at the evening meal.

happygolucky0 Thu 17-Feb-11 15:26:22

Lol@ Maryz that sounds like a good way of dealing with it to honest. I don't think you have given up probably learnt from experience of the 17 year old that it is less stressful that way.

Some of you seem really easy going I am begining to think I am too hard on him now!

DandyDan Thu 17-Feb-11 16:29:31

It really is variable, I have to add. If your children are heavy needy sleepers, or if they need to get up early for school (a long journey), or if they're useless at getting up so get up later for school, then it's reasonable to encourage them to have an earlier bedtime.

Within a few years, that pre-teen/13 yr old is essentially an adult, and can stay up all night if they like and suffer the consequences, so it's quite important in my book to get them to learn how to self-police their sleep requirements (with a bit of a nudge). Also I was never forbidden from reading as long as I wanted at night-time, even if it made me tired in the mornings and I want the same for my kids - the benefits there outweigh the negatives, I feel. Similarly with watching TV programmes that are slightly beyond their level - I'm fairly liberal about such things, so long as I'm watching them with them.

But it's a personal thing, and very much dependent on how much sleep your child seems to need.

Rhadegunde Thu 17-Feb-11 16:39:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Maryz Thu 17-Feb-11 17:45:37

The thing is, happy, that as they get older you realise that you only have influence over a certain number of things. Don't waste that influence on things that don't matter like bedtimes grin.

I can either go along with them at half terms and holidays or spend all my time fighting. I do try to do something a couple of times in the week they are off - we are going to town one day, and to an exhibition with Granny another, so I have already told them what days they have to be up.

The rest of their time is their own. To be honest, they have little enough time to do nothing, kids' lives these days seem to be pretty full-on.

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