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How do I hide the fact that I Can't stand one of ds friends!

(55 Posts)
mamas12 Fri 31-Dec-10 16:25:16

How on earth do you do it?
He is rude to my face too. I need advice on how to handle this situation as he is turning into 'the cool one' because everyone knows he is a rude and obnoxious boy.

So far I have lied to ds by saying I liked him, trying a bit of reverse phsycology.

But anyone know how I tell boy not to be so rude to me and don't make this boy into the hero???

There is more but it just so tedious atm sorry.

They are all 14 btw.

Notevenamouse Fri 31-Dec-10 16:26:52

Are you sure he doesn't dislike him also ?

PixieOnaLeaf Fri 31-Dec-10 16:27:07

Message withdrawn

mamas12 Fri 31-Dec-10 16:27:48

Hmm hadn't thought of that noteven.
So what do I do, tell him he can't come round any more and play the bad guy knowing that he is grateful really.

mamas12 Fri 31-Dec-10 16:29:37

Pixie, ds lies whenever this boy is around.
About where they are going and what they are doing.
Have caught him out (this is recent btw so trying to keep on top of it)but it's so hard.
How can I scupper this 'cool kid' image.

Notevenamouse Fri 31-Dec-10 16:31:36

I had a similar situation with oldest dd. When i finally said i didn't like her she was so grateful. She said she felt trapped as this girl was part of the friendship group. We now have a pact that she can use me as an excuse if she needs to. She will ask me to say she can't go out etc. I have given her permission to use the no my mum will kill me or says no line. It has worked for us. TBH it did take a while for her to work it all out and realise what a pain this girl is but i found it was better to be honest in the end.

TheVisitor Fri 31-Dec-10 16:31:36

I will not have any children being rude to my face and will challenge him with it, regardless of who he is. No one gets anything without a please or thank you. If he continued, then he wouldn't be allowed in the house.

Notevenamouse Fri 31-Dec-10 16:32:38

He is probably a bit of a bully in a subtle way if you know what i mean.

MadamDeathstare Fri 31-Dec-10 16:37:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Notevenamouse Fri 31-Dec-10 16:39:51

What does he actually do ? Does he swear at you or is he just a bit cheeky ?

mamas12 Fri 31-Dec-10 16:40:47

Thanks for the replies.
Madame I do want him here to keep an on him iykwim
Better here that hanging round the streets.
I do say to him @that was rude@ when he is rude.
I have also told ds that he is rude and I hope he isn't like that to other parents, (Ihave asked and so far he isn't)

Noteven I will ask him if he really likes him, but at the moment I think he is under his spell so to speak.

Notevenamouse Fri 31-Dec-10 16:42:42

Yes, it can take a while for them to work it out. Its all part of growig up and working out what is good for you on your own I suppose.

panettoinydog Fri 31-Dec-10 16:53:49

In what way is he rude to you?

I haven't had a friend be blatantly rude to me so I'm not sure what I'd do.

mamas12 Fri 31-Dec-10 16:54:25

Aaaargh just repied and internet edited it off.

Anyway gist was. Three of them called here and announced (after telling ds off this morning for being rude to me already)
'Just to warn you mum that we three, when we're 16 are getting an apartment or campervan together and seeing the world'

This boy then piped up I'm the designated one to stay in school to get my 'A' levels though.

Hmm I said good luck in finding a job to fund all this boys.

No that statement about im staying on at school is such a devious thing to do isn't it.
Encouragin others to do things that he won't.

Grrrrr when will ds see it ??

panettoinydog Fri 31-Dec-10 16:57:01

That just sound s like jolly teenage banter to me.

How is he rude?

mamas12 Fri 31-Dec-10 16:57:06

When I walk into the room to offer them drinks he says 'leave us alone@
He laughs at me when I ask questions about where they are going and says 'just out, you don't need to know'
Believe me, I inform him that I do need to know, it is so hard to try to not make him look like the fab rebel character, how do I scupper that?

Notevenamouse Fri 31-Dec-10 17:00:51

Well I would stamp on the "leave us alone" really hard bloody rude angry

panettoinydog Fri 31-Dec-10 17:02:14

ahh right. Yes that is rude.

I think I'd start off being very direct back but DO NOT SHOW ANY irritation. Be completely calm. And don't embarrass your ds.

If it continued I'd tell my child that his friend is v cheeky and I didn't want him in the house. I think that's what I'd do.

Notevenamouse Fri 31-Dec-10 17:08:56

Yes I agree what a brat though !

LynetteScavo Fri 31-Dec-10 17:16:02

DO you have a DP/DH or an adult male your DS respects? I think if such a male adult were to not be impressed with this lads behaviour, it would mean something to your DS...our dislike will just be taken as mum fussing.

Personally, I couldn't contain my dislike, though. Yes have him in the house etc, but put him in his place when need be.

mamas12 Fri 31-Dec-10 17:16:24

Thanks for the support.
I do all the calmly stating stuff if only for my sake!
I was beginning to think my standards was were too high or something but NO.

Anyway, I may well have to get to the stage of telling ds I don't want him in the house, but that still leaves me with this rebel image that he likes, how can I take that away.

Can I tell ds that the next time this boy is rude to me I wwill have to tell him off in front of everyone.

mamas12 Fri 31-Dec-10 17:18:38

Had a word with ex. sigh, aparently 'he's not like that with me!'
So have persisted today with telling him a few more things so hopefully he will have a word but at least he is aware of a situation.

Notevenamouse Fri 31-Dec-10 17:20:33

Lynette makes a good point. I would start by never offering them a drink again but that is probably a bit passive aggressive of me. grin

panettoinydog Fri 31-Dec-10 17:20:47

I don't mind a rebel image. The real issue is the rudeness and that's what I would concentrate on.

I think the rebellious things are making you a little fearful for the future but you can't really do anything about actions that have yet to happen and might not happen. Apatr from maintaining a strong, open relationship with your son.

Toughasoldboots Fri 31-Dec-10 17:21:01

I have this with one of dd's friends- quite a subtle bully. I directly confront it with a smile on my face, so it looks as if I am bantering a bit back, but I get my point across.

Hard to explain but a bit of ' so do you think that you will be as successful as you think with your lack of basic manners?' etc

It is a bit of subtle pushing back without going into shouty parent mode and embarrassing dd. He is pushing you and seeing what you will put up with.
I have no problem with dd's friend thinking that I am slightly unhinged and she has got better since I started confronting it.

You can't have that in your own house- do you know his parents? Just wonderingwhat they are like?

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